A song I heard today that hit home.

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Tell me have you ever wanted
Someone so much it hurts?
Your lips keep trying to speak
But you just can’t find the words
Well I had this dream once;
I held it in my head

She was the purest beauty
But not the common kind
She had a way about her
That made you feel alive
And for a moment
We made the world stand still

Yeah, we owned the night

You had me dim the lights;
You danced just like a child
The wine spilled on your dress

And all you did was smile
Yeah, it was perfect
I hold it in my mind

Yeah, we owned the night

When the summer rolls around
And the sun starts sinking down
I still remember you
Oh, I remember you
And I wonder where you are

Are you looking at those same stars again?
Do you remember when?

We woke under a blanket
All tangled up in skin
Not knowing in that moment
We’d never speak again
But it was perfect;
I never will forget
When we owned the night

Yeah, we owned the night

(We Owed the Night, Lady Antebellum)

Hello my blogging friends!

I am here but my life has been insane. 

My best friends baby died of sids.  She was six weeks old.  It has been heartbreaking. 

My family is doing great. 

I’ve gotten a ton of emails from all of you asking when I will blog again, and I promise I will get back to it.  I miss you all.   I miss reading blogs more though.   I just have three of my kids playing sports and my business gets a little crazy in the summer.   Know I am here and I am good!  Keep up your blogging so I have a great amount to read and catch up on when I get back!

Life.

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Step by step, day by day.  Kids, sports, school, work, cleaning, car repairs, TAXES (STUPID IRS LOL), marriage and the rest of life.  Last night I slept on the couch I was so angry with my husband.  Well thats not totally fair.  I’m LIVID with my mother in law.  I thought men were supposed to have mother in laws from hell.  Not wives.

My parents took on my step daughter as their own grandchild when I married my husband.  She was the moment we got married a part of this family.  My parents would never ‘not include her’ because she isn’t REALLY their grandchild.  She became their grandchild when we got married.  Right?  One would think.

My husbands mother informed me a couple months ago that she is giving the grandkids, (there are three of them) graduation gifts of a trip to Hawaii.  I thought how exciting for my husbands daughter, my son and my sister in laws son!  Awesome.  OH no!  I was quickly put into place that my son from my first husband isn’t her grandchild and my son would not be going.   I  was hurt.  Livid.  Pissed.  You name it.  I decided to blow it off.  Whatever.  I went through a phase of being pissed at my husband for not calling his mom out on his shitty-ness.   He just said “well he really isn’t their grandchild”.  Fine whatever.  I let it go.   However, I can’t seem to get angry without acting like a child so I decided I wouldn’t invite them to his graduation.  He isn’t their grandchild.   I know, two wrongs don’t make a right but I was hurt.   My son and my husbands daughter go to different high schools.  Well fast forward two months… to now.  My step daughter has dropped out of school, moved in with her boyfriend, written everyone off and basically gives us the big fuck you when anyone tries to talk to her.  So last night was a normal night.  Dinner, homework with all the kids, mellow, NORMAL.  When the phone rings.  It is my mother in law.  She has decided that because they already bought the ticket they are still going to take my step daughter to Hawaii.  Blood shot to my head.  My step daughter has done nothing but lie, steal, cheat, manipulate, drop out of school, get knocked up you name it and we are going to go and reward her anyway?!?!?  NOT TO MENTION here is my son who COULD use the ticket (which isn’t why I’m mad don’t misunderstand) who is graduating on time getting good grades and then going off to the Navy.   Instantly I start sobbing.  How can two people that call themselves family be so hateful and unkind.  When I said I would like them to not take her for many reasons, one being a huge slap in the face of my nephew and son who DID graduate and do what they were supposed to do.  Second, what is she going to learn from that?  You can do everything in life that is frowned upon in life and still get rewarded?  Should kids not be accountable for their choices and actions?  At this point I wasn’t even mad at my husband until his next words.  I said, “My parents would never not include your daughter in something!”  His reply, “Your parents couldn’t afford to do something like this for our kids anyway.”  First of all that isn’t the fucking point.  Second of all my parents have money but they aren’t rolling in it like your parents from lawsuits and being sue happy assholes.  So I’m mad at everyone.  My husband then says I think you just need to go to bed.  I think your pregnancy hormones are getting the best of you.    Sigh.  Needless to say I hate everyone.  Maybe I’ll pack up MY kids and go to Hawaii.

Am I over reacting?   And yes.  I’m pregnant.  I just found out.

Remember me

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Come to me.

Come touch me.

Come take a taste of me.

Come, let me please you.

Come please me.

Come and see what we used to see.

Come and feel what we used to feel.

Come and let me remind you of the way things were.

Come and let me dance my fingers along your skin.

Come and explore what has faded.

Come and remind yourself of highs.

Come and forget your lows.

Come and forget everything around you.

Come and just remember,

remember me.

I only have a second and I was thinking….

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Sex.

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Making Love.

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Fucking.

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They are all different.  Right?   For example, (I’d like to know what HE thinks but),  I feel like fucking is one of two things.  Rough sex or quick.  With or without feelings attached.  I think sex is just sex… no strings…. no feelings.  Maybe at the start of an affair for some.  Some of my readers say flat out- “they had an affair because they were missing SEX.  No drama, no relationship, no feelings, just sex”.   And then there is making love.  The complicated one.   When do you go from sex to making love?  I can say with HIM we had sex, (when we were learning about each other), it at first was awkward, maybe because of the situation.  And I think I’d say we have fucked…. (I don’t mean that to sound so dirty), but we met to do that… quickies and seriously relieved some sexual frustration…. but as far as making love I find myself thinking. Wow.  I think men and women define this differently. Yes us women are all romantic and sappy and say oh the music was right or he was amazing and it was slow…  but what if it is more detailed?  What if at a moment it hits you.  That you want nothing more to be with this man that is with you right now.  A moment when you realize you have never felt an orgasm like that or felt goosebumps cover you when you felt overheated?  What about when you lose control of every one of your senses.  You forget where you are and the ringing in your ears is deafening? Is making love losing sense of time, surroundings, and of the real life situation you are sitting in?  All I know is when HE touched me, just a touch goosebumps could fly down my sides and erect my nipples.  One kiss and I was seriously dizzy.   I can say I never felt those things even with my husband in the very beginning when things were good.  Never have I been aroused so quickly or so much by anyone.

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