Snow is in our forecast.

I hate this weather.   I mean I love it, it is my favorite, but I hate that it brings HIM to mind.

I am so angry at my husband.

Dear ___________  (my husband),

You asked my daughter, (who is old enough to babysit) to watch our kids when you told me YOU (my husband) would, to go get high on a cocktail of pills?  REALLY?  I am assuming you had planned to come back like nothing had happened before I got back?  YOU make me want to call HIM.   YOU make me want to pick up the phone and beg him to just hold me.  YOU make me lonely.  YOU make me angry.   YOU hurt me.  YOU put pills in your mouth to feel better.   YOU know what makes ME feel better?  HE does. and HE wants me.   I deserve MORE than that.  I want love like I had with HIM, but I want HIM to be with his WIFE and family.   Letting HIM go should show how much I love him.   Letting go of you should show YOU how much I love you too.   I’ve decided to walk away.  I wish you the best.  Live or Die, its up to you, but for kids, I hope you choose to live.  I can choose not to have a husband but they will always have you for a dad, now if you decide to be a FATHER that is up to you.  When you get your life straight don’t hate me for finding someone.   Don’t hate me for smiling again.   Don’t hate me for looking forward to nights that I get to lay on the couch with MY family and snuggle against MY husband watching movies eating popcorn.    Please remember how long I waited for you to get help.  How long I waited for you to ‘wake up’.  How much I spent on getting you help.  How many tears I cried.  How many times I begged.  How many plays you are going to miss.  How many bandaids you won’t get to put on skinned knees.  How many broken hearts you get to help your daughter through.  How many questions for a dad your son had.  I hate pills.

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10 thoughts on “Snow is in our forecast.

  1. You would not be wrong to leave. An addict has to want to quit. Has to really want to stop. My ex was an addict. My only regret is not leaving sooner. I owed it to my children. A stable, drug free home.

  2. I agree with the first post and want to see you happy. You deserve it! Your kids deserve it! You deserve to be free!! It’s not your battle anymore, you tried and he choose not to do the right thing, his loss! I do hope he steps up to be a father, because being the person he is right now sets a horrible example for them! I hope they can stay safe not follow his path, I see it all too often. I hope they can use his horrible behavior as a reason NOT to do it! And I hope you find someone that can be the person you deserve! I’m proud of you! Walking away is the best choice you can make right now! Stay strong!

  3. Don’t allow him back in. Don’t give him anything. Deny him his children.
    All until he has been drug free for 6 months. I think it’s reasonable. This would help him to hit bottom.

    But if you are done, you are done.

    I care about you. If you need to chat privately, email me.

  4. Funny, the things people will tell us that we ‘deserve’.

    The only thing I will mention – and I know you know this already – is there are a few issues here. The most glaring one is your ex-lover. You’ve sent him back to his wife, and that is noble. But he still yearns for you, and instead of dismissing those thoughts, he acts on them. Which hurts everyone all over again.

    Answer yourself this . . . what assurance do you have that, say, 10 years down the road, when you and the lover hit a dry-patch, he won’t yearn for someone other than his wife – you at that point – the way he does now?

    He and his wife are history. You and your substance-abusing husband have a chance, slim though it is. It’s up to you. Decide and move on.

    It’s bad enough when people tell you that you DESERVE this or that, but then they presume to know HOW to get what you deserve. And yet, they don’t have what they think they deserve either.

    • I am not considering going back to HIM. He is not mine to love, (even though I care very much for him).
      What I am deciding is divorcing or not. I realize that wasn’t very clear. Do I give up and walk away or wait for him to get better because it is a sickness and I said in sickness and in health?

      • No, it was clear to me that HIM has a problem. And thats not helping you in any way. You need to make it clear to him that you do not want any more attachments. Don’t kid yourself as to his reason for showing up at that coffeehouse.

      • I think him showing up when I was there was accident, I think him choosing THAT one, was memory. I do. Right or wrong? Yeah wrong. But I needed that closure, so I’m glad he decided to go to the ‘wrong’ one.

  5. You know how they talk about rock bottom? Until he knows you won’t give him a home to come home to, he won’t not it. I waited 9-1/2 years for my ex to get clean, he never did and still hasn’t. Idk what his rock bottom is. He hit it once after losing his mom, job, and me and he was sober three months. I took him back, he got a new job, cycle began all over again. It took me being scared for my life one night while he was intoxicated and attacked me to say enough. It’s hard but it’s time for you to let go. Good luck:)

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