The cycle of repeating things.
Things we want to repeat, like time with the ones we love.
Things we pray not to have to repeat. Like loving someone through addiction.
Questioning the day you are going to have based on the mood someone else has when they wake up.
Questioning someone’s pain, if it’s real or if they want meds.
Not having sympathy when this said loved one is hurting because their so called pain has fucked you over so many times.
When they are doing good, they are doing so, so good. You smile again. You laugh again. You see who you married again.
When they fall, struggle and addiction wins, they are alone and you are angry.
You cry. You ignore. You lack sympathy. You master the silent treatment. And you suddenly are filled with thoughts of the other.
I become disappointed in myself. How can I jump to those thoughts of HIM so quickly?
The answer is simple. Because this is life. The cycle of repeating things.
Things we want to repeat……..