So I went up in the mountains for a ‘girls weekend’ with a few of my friends. I laid in that hotel bed at two in the morning crying. How stupid, that instead of sleeping I am silently crying thinking the last hotel room I was in was with him. AND on our way up there I passed TWO of the places that him and I had some amazing nights at in the Limo. What are the chances. It was so relaxing to drive through the mountains and just think. He filled my mind. It scared me a little bit to realize I had drove for like 30 minutes thinking of him and can’t remember driving… that freaks me out a little bit. My girlfriend says that has happened to her before. Thank goodness it was all highway and through winding mountains and not in and out of traffic and stoplights.
Holding a hotel key to a room that had nothing to do with him was weird. It made me think of all the times I had the key and it felt like it was the key to happiness. The key of all secrets. The key leading to the man I love. The man who knew all of me, and loved all of me. The key that lead to the BEST sex ever. I kept our hotel key after our Valentines Day meeting. I miss him and this weekend only proved that it is getting easier, but the pain is still there.
So I read a book this weekend that didn’t help in not thinking about him. It is going to have to be its own post because it will be a long one. It made so many feelings and emotions arise and it was like a knife reached out of the book and sliced open my heart again. It was the book Once Upon a Secret. http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2012/mar/9/book-review-once-upon-a-secret/ It was about the 19 year old intern (at the White House) that had an affair with President Kennedy. OMG! If you are ‘the other woman’ or if you aren’t, (you might understand our place more and see that we/I are/am not low life scum and just a normal person who happened to fall in love with a married man.
I will post on it later because it brought up so many feelings AS I am on vacation in a hotel room missing him. The hardest part to read was when she realized she was getting married, and cared very much about JFK, and found out he had been shot and died. She felt like she couldn’t cry or mourn, because her soon to be husband would see through her! JUST LIKE I FEEL, you can’t miss or have a broken heart over someone you aren’t supposed to be in love with….. GREAT BOOK… my kids just got home I’ll write more later!