Just by chance… and it was totally an accident

I went to my linked in account to update my job requirement classes that I had taken.  I NEVER go on linked in.  HIM and I were contacts on linked in and he deleted me a long time ago, (before we ended our relationship) because he thought his wife would see it.  Well he is no longer listed as a contact BUT his update (which confuses me) I was able to see.   It said that he had an interview the next day that he hoped he’d get the job.  My heart sank.

I want him to work more than I want him in my life.   I can’t imagine the stress in a marriage or house when there is no income.  I don’t want that for him. I don’t want him to hurt or stress in anyway.  I don’t want stress in his marriage or home because that wears on him.

I can’t tell you seeing his words next to his picture, how that felt.  Butterflies flew from my stomach up into my throat and filled my eyes with tears.   It was CRAZY.  I was speechless.  My nose burned where tears were being held back.  My heart instantly ached.

WHY can I see his updates if we are not contacts?  Please someone tell me.  I looked I have no way to make my posts ‘seen’ by people I am not contacts with… and if you choose ‘everyone’ I would see EVERYONE’s posts that were available to see and I don’t, I see the updates/comments from my contacts and him.  I am so confused. And sad.  And emotional.  And lost.  And hurting.  Again.  Like a new fresh wound.  Ripped open all over again.

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