Snapping heart-strings.

I hate my husband today.

My pills are gone.  Again.

The only difference this time is he told me on his own before I found they were gone.

I’m done.

I can’t love someone who steals from me.

I can’t be married to someone that loves something more than me.  Even if THAT thing is a little pill, or the high it gives.

I watched him sleep on the couch today disgusted.

The high makes him tired.

He sleeps.  This is my life.  This is what my life has become.  This is why I needed to talk to someone.  Anyone.. and HE answered my add.

This is why over nearly two years I was able to fall in love with someone.   Someone so kind and hurting in his relationship as much as I was/am.

Why do I want the one thing I can’t have and have the one thing that doesn’t want me?

Fuck I hate relationships.   To my MM,  I miss you everyday.   I miss you on my bad days even more. You made that hurt my husband caused blurry and made my heart overflow.


7 thoughts on “Snapping heart-strings.

  1. Stay strong! And though it may be easy for me to say, getting away from your husband will make a better life for your and your children. Trust me (read my blog on divorce) staying together for the children isn’t always the best. Life will get better! Keep writing, it always helps, and your readers are all good listeners. Just stay strong!

  2. I’m so sorry to hear that. Honestly it is a terrible situation for you and it just doesn’t seem that things will get better any time soon.
    My heart goes out to you and I have seen first hand what substance abuse can do, it’s awful, destructive and selfish.
    If you ever need to chat feel free.

  3. I’m sorry that things are the way they are for you, and hope that as time passes you are able to weed through all the bad and find abolute hapiness you sure deserve it. It’s a hard decesition to make but you do have to think of you and your family, like WR said substance abuse is terrible, it destroys the person trapped in it and everything else around it. If you ever want to talk im here but i know too well that talking to me is not what will make your heart smile, nor fill your heat with a warm loving feeling and i only wish that comes to you soon, i know how wondeful it feels but nevertheless im here if you wish to talk.

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