Can’t even think of a title.

And just like that my heart has been crushed and thrown back to the way I felt in October.  There was a little red circle next to google chat.  I clicked on it and it was his name.  I instantly felt dizzy.  The words “ARE YOU THERE HONEY?” laid in his conversation bubble on his side of the screen.   It was time stamped today but an hour earlier.  He was no longer there.  The tears started at that moment and haven’t stopped since.  What am I going to do.  I can’t do this, but I want this.  I shouldn’t do this but I need this.  I can’t hurt anyone but I am hurting myself.   What do I do.  I only want to talk to Recovering Wayward.  Talk me out of this.  Help me with this.   What would you do?

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36 thoughts on “Can’t even think of a title.

  1. The only way out is to make your decision. If you have chosen your husband, you have no other choice but to get rid of every way to contact “him.” It is an addiction, and you have to treat yourself like an addict…!! You can’t EXPECT yourself to be strong enough, because you need to feel LOVED…!! I know exactly how you feel. Step one is to choose WHO you want. Email me, ok?

  2. Just curious and this is only my opinion. What did you think was going to happend when you started dating a MM? I am so floored by all of you women who are sitting home crying over someone elses husband!!! It truly does sicken me! Im sorry, I do not know you, but why would you ever involve yourself with someone who was already involved? What kind of woman does that? Seriously! Sorry, but I don’t feel sorry for you, you brought this on yourself!!! Any woman that would stoop as low as to dating, im sorry, fucking another womans husband deserves whatever she gets. Just my opinion.

      • Judge you? God you were married too! Kids were involved!!!

        That’s right, MY HUSBAND!!! I have no problems sleeping at night. I’m not a dirty slut! And by the way I did nothing wrong. And fyi if it doesn’t work out I will be laughing all the way to the bank. I hope you don’t have daughters god, what kind of example are you setting.

        So go ahead and cry and be mad at me because you felt the need to fuck someone elses husband. Ill take the blame if you want to be mad at someone other than yourself! 🙂

    • Excuse me. I myself am the other woman and I live with my mm and his wife. Being with a married man has nothing to do with being a dirty slut. If she were a slut there would be more than married man and it wouldn’t have lasted so long and there would be no feelings behind it. I can say from my side of things, I didn’t set out to be with a married man and I’m sure my lovely friend here didn’t set out to cheat on her husband and be with a married man either sometimes it just happpens.

      • Get in line to fuck my husband! 🙂 He is not down for all the small talk and cuddling. He would fuck you and kick you to the curb in about a week. God, I didn’t just say that did I???? No offense to anyone but makingredwishes! 🙂

        Moderndaymistress
        You live with your mm and his wife????? Let me guess, you can’t help who you fall in love with right?????

      • I love him, we have a family and have way too much vested.

        John has cheated on me for years. With him its completely physical, doesnt make it right but it is what it is? Why does he do it? Who really knows, but I believe it has a lot to do with his childhood. Not too sure.

        I know he loves me, I have faith, I stay. Things have been better the past few months then they have in years. . .

  3. I think I’d have to ask what he wanted, but be careful. Like you posted recently you deserve someone that can love you fully, without hiding. Strong feelings overcome reason all to often.
    Best wishes and hugs

  4. ok…whoa..slow down. I hope you haven’t replied. Here’s my response. I know your’e dying to talk to him, and probably him to you. but read your previous blog this week…about how you deserve more. A man of your own. Not a guy taking your love on the cheap. Stolen moments and afternoons here and there. but to be loved, full-time, by a guy committed to you.

    Is this what he gave you? is this what he offered? You don’t even know if he’s offering anything at this point. He might merely be having a weak moment.

    I think it’s safe to you to reply after a few hours and say something like. “yes, I’m here now. what do you want?”

    I think you need to tread very carefully here. His wife is already aware of your existence. Restarting the affair could be far more consequential and disasterous to you now than it was before. And gosh, YOU are married too. Are you really willing to take this risk? AGAIN??? come on…

    And what of your heart? Are you going to put it on the line again, just to see your hopes dashed again? I think I read somewhere where only 5% of married cheaters leave their spouses to marry their lovers. And for second marriages of all kinds, there is 75% divorce rate.

    So what you’re hoping for not only carries huge risks, but the chances of long term success are about as likely as selling a snowblower in Miami, Florida…

    And remember, I’m on the same side as he is on this equation. I would LOVE to message her. I have had the urge many times. I’ve already resisted it. For me, the risks are too great, no matter how she felt about me contacting her.

    so take my advice. Unless the man is committed to getting a divorce and already has left his wife, you’re setting yourself up for more heartache, dear.

    • I agree. I just posted what I am replying… and I am replying at noon, because I wanted to hear from YOU actually. I am asking for him not to contact me… that I am walking away that I am choosing to heal. I hope you praise me in my last post because it was really, really hard to do but it is the right thing. And as far as my husband goes, its over, he again hasn’t come home for a week. 😦 But I am okay with that it just showed me what I need to do.

    • am I single? LOL. Ummmm well I am married. Kinda. I know it is confusing. My husband would rather be a rockstar and high all the time VS being a family man. He has struggled for about three years. I kept hope that he would wake up and change and we could be like we were, the normal American Family. It hasn’t worked that way. I ended up after being ignored and him not coming home for a year had an affair, never realizing the affair would go past talking. Now, off and on he wants to try and fix things. He said me having an affair was his fault because he wasn’t here for me…. (I don’t fully agree with that but I don’t think I would have had an affair had he been here). ANYWAY so I guess to answer your question, I am married but have made up my mind (for the most part lol) that I need to get a divorce. It just is clear to me he isn’t ever going to wake up and I don’t expect someone to be available to talk to me if I am technically married ya know?

  5. I know you are dying to know what he wanted, but isn’t it heartbreaking enough to know that the only reason he wanted you around was to fulfill a need that his SO wasn’t?!? And once she fulfills it again, he won’t ever need you. Do you really want to be someone’s booty call, for lack of a better word. I know that sometimes emotions are involved and a connection is made, but even those are temporary fill-ins. Very rarely do waywards leave their spouses.

    • I never asked, or expected him to leave her and I wouldn’t go as far as saying I was a booty call.. lol, we didn’t do ANYTHING but laugh and talk and hang out more than we ‘did’ do things…. he never once made me feel like a booty call. But I do understand your point. I miss the friendship more than I miss the relationship. He made me laugh like no one has ever. I just really had so much fun with him. I think I smiled more that year and a half than I have my entire life.

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