So I have decided… TWO things.

This is my plan.  This is what I am going to respond at NOON, because I don’t want to appear to be in a hurry.  I am going to respond, 

“Hello!  I’m sorry I didn’t respond until now, and it is because I have been thinking of the exact thing I want to say to you.  I’m not going to lie to you and tell you the last seven months have been easy.  They have not been, but I have come a very long way in trying to get over you.  In June  of 2010 I made two mistakes.  One to talk to a married man and second, to fall in love with him.  You were amazing.  You have a good heart, you are a good man who I know has good intentions.  I don’t regret what we did, I do however regret what I did, what WE did to your wife.  Granted I was married to and I don’t want to say he doesn’t count but we were separated basically for nearly a year, and now almost three.  I don’t know why you contacted me and frankly please don’t answer because I don’t want to know.  I don’t want to hear that you miss me and have been thinking of me because it will hurt to much.  And I don’t want to hear that you two are doing really well and you are happier than you ever have been and decided to fix things and you wanted to tell me thank you for being wonderful for the two years you were so lost and alone because that too will hurt. Being that you called me honey I’m thinking it might be the first.    I respected your decision when in a fight with her to tell her all and I have respectfully walked away, in return please respect that I am trying to heal from the best and worst thing I have ever done, and respectfully walk away.  I will always have a place for you in my heart. This went further than I ever imagined.  I will never, ever forget you.  Right or wrong, thank you for teaching me so much about myself.”

SECOND I have FULL intentions to reply to Ariella.  How dare you judge me.

Ariella (at  commented on your post, “CANT EVEN THINK OF A TITLE:   “Just curious and this is only my opinion. What did you think was going to happend when you started dating a MM? I am so floored by all of you women who are sitting home crying over someone elses husband!!! It truly does sicken me! Im sorry, I do not know you, but why would you ever involve yourself with someone who was already involved? What kind of woman does that? Seriously! Sorry, but I don’t feel sorry for you, you brought this on yourself!!! Any woman that would stoop as low as to dating, im sorry, fucking another womans husband deserves whatever she gets. Just my opinion.”

 I love how you tried to be all polite about it too.  We are all human.  We all make mistakes.  Until you know my entire story, and my entire situation DO NOT JUDGE ME.   I understand your point but I don’t think you know me or my story or my situation.  I don’t think its right to sleep with another woman’s husband that isn’t quite how my story went.  However since you think you know so much about me go ahead and judge I don’t care.   But know full on that it is wives like you that get cheated on because just like you are judging me, you probably judge your husband in everything he does to the point that he needs to step out and feel like he is doing SOMETHING right in SOMEONES EYES. Oh wait!  Thats right! Your husband HAS cheated on you, and more than once.  Hmmmmm wonder why?!?!

 Also to the blogger who told me what Recovering Wayward would say, I know that is exactly what he would say, I just needed to hear it.  Thank you for your kind words.

30 thoughts on “So I have decided… TWO things.

  1. I have just started reading your blog and it’s been helpful to me — I am currently dating a married man, and I am also married. Things happen, not because you’re looking necessarily but because they HAPPEN. You can’t change who you fall in love with no matter how much you wish you could.

    • 🙂 thank you. All of my ‘followers’ comments and opinions matter to me, they do however there is something about yours. I just want to heal. Anyway, I do have a couple of questions. If your Affair ended like mine did, and your OW didn’t go psycho (sorry can’t think of another word) and she sent you this after you tried to contact her what would you be thinking? Would you have respected her? I guess I’m trying to prepare myself for what MIGHT occur next…

      • you’re gonna get those who say what you’re doing is wrong.
        I’ve gotten only a couple of those and I do take it in. But, my philosophy is you can’t possibly know what I’m going through unless you can see the world through my eyes.
        Until that’s possible, shut the fuck up and piss off.

  2. Is there a possiblity that his wife is sending the message to see if you two have been in touch? Maybe it is just my paranoia that I am dealing with lately and my new abbition to over analyze everything, but seems like a strange message. Good luck.

    • I did think of that. Another reason I think the response I have thought of was a good one. It says I’m sorry for what I, (what we) did to her which truly I am, and it also makes the statement of the last seven months have been hard getting over you making it clear that we have NOT spoken.

  3. wow. I hadn’t even considered that this could be a trap by his wife, especially given your recent confrontation.

    Yes, I hope you learned your lessons about affairs in general, and this guy in particular. It’s just not a good idea under almost any circumstance. It carries too much risk. Too much pain for everyone, including you.

    And yes, it’s time you started to break your addiction to this guy. No Contact means NO CONTACT. Not even blogging letters to him that he never sees. It just keeps his memory alive.

    as for the idiot who was trashing you here, pay no attention. Things happen. We love who we love. The only thing that this person is right about is to say “what did you expect?” It’s kind of true. Affairs that work out in the long term and the two end up marrying, and happy for the rest of your lives, and eventually they come to some peace with their spouse? It’s so extremely rare, yet all of us who have done this dreamed of it. It’s fool’s gold. But her delivery and other comments are out of bounds. Unfortunately some betrayed spouses can’t face the reality of their spouse, so they take it out on us, as if we were the ones their spouse cheated with.

    It also allows them to avoid taking responsibility for themselves and their part in creating the crappy marriage that allowed an affair to occur. Oh? Your marriage WASN’T crap? The spouse is just a serial cheater and liar and lacks character? Well, YOU chose them to marry and make babies with! Either way, their is blame to go around. If everyone just kept their noses in their own business, and were honest with themselves and their spouses, fewer of these tragedies would happen. Not excusing anyone who has cheated – quite the contrary. It’s almost NEVER the answer to a shitty marriage. But things are rarely as black and white as some wish to portray them here. people who live in glass houses, etc..

    So ignore the ignorant fool. She’s just bitter and her ego is bruised. If you are anything like me, you’ve beaten yourself up enough over this. Having strangers try to pile on certainly changes nothing.

    I’m glad you sent what you sent. even if he is serious and it IS him, you must resist the temptation to answer. “He” is not the answer to your life problems. You have a marraige. Deal with it, and yourself, first.

      • I guess I forgot.

        but don’t start it up again! 🙂

        Honestly, NC works…it really does…my addiction to her is less than 1/4 of what it was in January and dwindling by the week. I could’ve messaged her but I didn’t. I’ve completely stayed away. It’s the only way to get away from someone, even if they aren’t a socio-path like my ex-OW

      • You’re doing fine, hon. Just fine. Your actions yesterday show real growth and personal awareness. You don’t want any part of that again. Stay strong. It’s so easy to backslide and that would be a tragic mistake.

  4. I am glad you have had the strength to say no to him, I have read all of your blog and just reopening that wound would serve no purpose. I am struggling right now with that very issue, granted shadow and I severed ties only a few days ago I have been in contact with her a couple times and each time….it makes me wish I could turn back the clock. But that just isn’t feasible, it isn’t right, although all the time we were together it felt that way.
    As far as that nasty blogger Recoverying Wayward is right, forget them. No one who admittedly doesn’t know anything about your situation has no right to be so vile towards you.
    Keep your chin up :).

  5. good for you for standing up for yourself, on both fronts. I’ve had the same types of comments, and I just delete them. They’ll get no air time from me. As you said, no one can stand in our shoes. Hell, in my case, I was told (granted, I shouldnt have bought it hook line and sinker) that they were separated. It was over. And they were just waiting til his military career ended to finalize everything. No one considers that fact. They just assume I purposely stole some woman’s husband… not true. Not how it happened.
    That old saying “pride goes before the fall”… it will likely bite her in the ass if it hasn’t already. I was a judgmental bitch for a long time. I was, in part, raised to be that way. Then I figured out that life isn’t all sunshine and roses. Sometimes it gets messy. And messy equals painful. This chick never even gave you credit for saying you understood that it wasn’t “right” or the best of options. … ok gonna stop now, or i’ll end up writing an entire post in your comments 🙂

  6. I have to disagree with some of the comments made. I DO agree that we can’t help falling in love, but we can MORALLY hold ourselves accountable when it is with someone who is married.

    As I have been “instructed” to keep my emotions in check so as to avoid meltdowns (by Wayward), the same should be done by everyone who begins to have feelings for a married person. Morally, we all know it is wrong, irregardless of the situation. If you want more with that person, then you can wait until they are divorced.

    Until then, you should not be a wedge or any kind of negative influence.

    Oh, and you are welcome. 😉


      Oh my my my…and when did you ever follow what I tell you to do?


      believe me, with THIS issue, if we want to recover our lives, we have to make sure the edit function in our heads works. We get in big trouble when whatever comes into our brain, drops into and out of our mouths, like a gumball machine.

      • 😛

        I’m coming around. I’m finding peace in my heart and mind and that’s helping to clear the fog away. And not just for this one issue, but many others.

        Now if I could just figure out HOW to let go.

  7. I will never understand how people can be so hateful. Maybe its because I was raised up to be open minded and was always told “you never know someones true story..what theyre going thru behind closed doors…so do not judge. Treat them as you would wish to be treated in their shoes”. I for one don’t pity you but its for a whole other reason. Noone wants to be pitied! I empathize, I understand, I hate that anyone would feel a hurt as I did but pity? No maam! Women are too strong for all that mess!

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