4pm Tuesday.

I have an appointment with my attorney.  My divorce attorney.  I can’t write anymore.   I am having second thoughts, third thoughts, and 23rd thoughts.  I can’t make him come home.   I couldn’t MAKE him come home the nearly two years PRIOR to my affair.   I will never find happy if I keep waiting for him to wake up and find his happy.

I have managed to lose two men that I loved more than anything in a three year period.  OH and lets not forget the first husband I divorced and the H.S. sweetheart that died while I held his hand.  I fucking rock with men.  I just want a man to love me the way ‘HE’ did.  I want a man to work for what he wants like my first husband always did, and I want the goal setting abilities that my current husband ‘had’ and I want a man to be all mine the way my high school love was before cancer took him.

Walking away, remembering all the good in all of them and not looking back.

Life is looking pretty lonely.  I need to focus on my kids.  And only my kids.

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9 thoughts on “4pm Tuesday.

  1. I’m sorry you are having a rough time. Divorce sucks. But, at least for me, after a horrendously long separation (which seems like ur dealing with as well) once things were officially over, I felt like I could breathe…like that whole mess wasn’t weighing me down. Hopefully you will get some relief as well.

    Oh, and just a random note..under my “top searches” today was your “makingredwishes”. They were looking for you and found me. Lol.

  2. I can’t believe how my heart feels for you, a stranger, so intensely. It’s amazing what a few words, a shared story, and a broken heart can do to connect. You can do this. You are not alone. I see the beauty in your story, and I’m confident that one day it will heal another’s brokenness. You deserve love. Keep going. One step at a time.

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