My Aunt died today. Lighting a candle in her honor. I’m sad, I am so sad for my Uncle and my cousins. The hurt I feel is so similar to what I felt when the MM I was seeing was suddenly gone. He was there loving me and then he wasn’t. I never really thought of it like a death, but fully there, to fully gone is kinda like dying. Its a grieving process I guess. I’ve thought a lot this weekend. About what it is that I miss. Its not the intimate cuddling or all of the romantic stuff he did to me and for me… its just the conversation and connection. The friendship. Felling like someone truly cared about me. Truly listened to me in a way that my husband didn’t. Someone who’s eyes filled with tears when I was hurting. Someone who genuinely was concerned when I was aching when my grandma died. Someone who made me smile on my lowest of low days. I realize today with my Aunt dying, how much better he made the situation when my grandma died. And it wasn’t by having sex with me. I feel like people judge other women thinking its all sex. That we are just whores and sluts. Ladies of men who cheat, its NOT always like that. Most men, (believe it or not from what I read and have learned), cheat for emotional needs not being met before sexual needs not being met. I mean men think about sex all the time, that is a proven fact, but I don’t think the MM I speak of was like, “I want a piece of ass, I think I’ll get on Craigslist and start talking to someone to get it. I’ll take six to eight months to talk to her, and then another few months to get to know her in person, and give her that first kiss,”…. I just think my situation was different. Sex I’m sure is a LOT of it for most affairs, but I don’t think the first step of men is to get a piece of ass… yeah maybe sometimes. I think that is part of it… I think sex is an issue in most cheating spouses marriages, but I am willing to put money down that there is something bigger there 99 percent of the time.