Day one at starting over.

I don’t know how I feel… excited,  Hopeful,  or speechless.   So far so good.  He has been kind, helpful and HERE.  My mom took the kids to school this morning, he said he’d pick them up and he went and bid a job.  OMG what is going on? He called before he left and paid the water bill and said he was going to get gas for the lawn mower that I could cancel the lawn guys that was waisting money.  I can’t cut the grass my allergies are too bad.

Every time i’ve thought about HIM, (the OM) today I have felt torn.  Regardless of my needs and emotions I should have held out.  Gone without.  I guess everything has a way of working, I just feel sad today.  He was/is sick.   Pills affect judgement.  Pills affect character.  I dropped the ball.   I dropped the ball on the one person I shouldn’t have.   I know two years is a LONG time and what is done is done, and I am not asking for comments telling me we all make mistakes and what not I’m just trying to be honest in how I feel.  He caught me crying.  He just told me that he is so sorry he hurt me and he should have been here.   I don’t know what is going on, it is all just going so fast.

I don’t know what else to say yet.  I am pretty sure the kids are going to ask things.    Why is he staying here?  Is he going home?  I’m not prepared to deal with my 18 year olds attitude about it.  One step at a time.   Our anniversary is on the 9th of this month.   Its just all so, weird.  I guess I have a date tonight.  He said he’d get the sitter that he wanted to take me somewhere?!?!?

I love this pic btw, I took it because I think sunshine pouring through a window is

beautiful.  <—- has nothing to do with the post other than I feel kinda sunny today.  😀


2 thoughts on “Day one at starting over.

  1. This all sounds great! As Wayward said, this is what you’ve wanted all along, right? I know you are probably confused at how he is able to come back and bounce into married life as if he was never gone. This is how he is showing you he wants to be there and make it work.

    Don’t focus on your feelings about your past choices. It will just keep you in the past and keep you from being able to focus on what you need to do today.

    It’s good to hear you say you feel sunny. 🙂

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