Thinking, thinking, thinking.

Thinking a lot.  I am so tired of THINKING. Its like the thinking never stops.

The husband:

I can’t process all of this for some reason.  Blogging seems to help.

I am almost having mini panic attacks being that there is soooo much less to do.  My husband is doing so much.  I go to do laundry and its done.  I go to check homework and he did it with them.  I feel like I am dreaming.   I am so used to going going going, (as you can imagine with five kids) and no partner, and now all the sudden all of this help.   Its like it is easily spread, making it a manageable load for both.  I hope he doesn’t feel overwhelmed from going from doing nothing to doing his share.  He says he isn’t.


The married man:

So does anyone know how linkedin works?  If the other guy and I were ‘friends’ on linkedin but now are not… why can I still see his posts???  So during our affair we linked our linkedin accounts b/c the referrals or others we were linked to because of each other made it very possible for each of us to get more work… so after he told his wife we deleted each other on linkedin.  Which is what I want.  But if he doesn’t show as a ‘contact’ or ‘friend’ or whatever, why do I still see his posts?  I am just trying to rid myself of everything reminding me of him…  If you know the answer to this please let me know.  He is NOT listed under my contacts….


And me:

I am exhausted.  Mentally and physically.  I guess that comes with everything that is going on but I am hoping this weekend will help with some relaxing.  I managed to hurt my back today and I am not sure what the heck I did.  Yard work yes, but ?  Nothing that should have me popping 4 ibuprofen every 6 hours.  GEESH.  So I have a question for my affair having/had followers.  What did you do with the stuff that was acquired during your affair?  Keep it, kept away safe, I mean it is a part of your life, your past, your history… things from a time that meant something to you.  Or do you get rid of it?  The book I read about the 19 year old intern for the White House (Mimi Alford), said she took her stuff to a pawn shop after her affair… she said she couldn’t have it there to see, or know it was there… she had to be done.  Maybe that is what I need to do too, I just don’t feel ready for that step yet, even though I can honestly say I want my marriage to work.  I just think (and I don’t want to sound like I don’t have faith in my husband) that if he bombs this 30 days and goes out drinking, and taking pills from me again, (which I pray isn’t the case), and I am ‘trucked over again’, I think that I’d regret having gotten rid of things…. not that I have any intention to start things up again, I won’t, I SOOOOOO learned my lesson about playing with fire, I don’t want to hurt anyone (or get hurt) like that again.  Thoughts?

So in your comments let me know about the linkedin thing if you know and what you did with your affair gifts/stuff when your affair was over IF you were an affair having follower.   Thank you for listening to my rambling… I appreciate you!  All of you! XOXO


5 thoughts on “Thinking, thinking, thinking.

  1. The hard thing for me is…my blog was a gift from shadow….I had never considered blogging or sharing what I have shared on it. Not that I can’t start another…but how can I get rid of something that impacted my life so profoundly?

  2. To be honest I had never had an affair and I’m completely blind when it comes to this matter. But I think that if you want to keep your marriage than you better start getting rid of all the gifts or things that the other man gave you. I don’t think your husband is going to be happy if he stumbles upon a little gift the other one gave you.
    Do you mind if you go to my blog and check my post Unfaithful and answer some of the questions I have there… please… I appreciated a lot

  3. affair things? they are triggers. Both for you and for your spouse (potentially). I got rid of almost everything (except a bottle of cologne she gave me…but it was the one I was already using and is no longer being made…and why would I throw it in the trash?). I tossed things into the trash. there was one minor expensive item. A decorative item for my office. that was a hard one. throw it away? That would be criminal. it’s too nice.

    I gave it away to someone.

    But all other things? A necklace? 2 shirts? Written things? all in the trash. Old emails? Sent to a new email address i do not use. the ONLY reason I’m keeping them is because I may still need them for evidence if I have to take her back to court, AND they are my insurance policy — compromisng photos and emails from her could be used in retaliation if need be. But I never go in and read them or look at them.

    The fewer reminders, the better. You need to de-triggerize your life as much as possible

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