So we have had our first fight. And I don’t think I am in the wrong….

This is so stupid and I don’t think I am over reacting.  His biggest issue is what he missed.  It is really affecting him.  He out of no where yesterday asked if I would have another baby with him.  ???????????????????????????????????????????? wtf.

UMMMM we are just trying to get this to work.  You are trying to work on your addiction.  I am trying to move on from a huge choice I made.  We have been together what, a week and a half???  Are you fucking crazy.

He looked at me like I ripped his heart out.  Why does he come quick to such childish decisions?

Ummmm NO!  This isn’t even up to discussion in my book.

And he then informs me that I am being unfair, one sided and closing the door on a two person decision.

OMG don’t push me away.  I am totally unstable right now.  Don’t scare me away with anything longer term than working on the current situation.

Why does he make such rash quick decisions??  I am a planner.  I have to have a plan.  Have a reason.   I feel like I am losing my mind!  UGGGG.

Sorry, needed to vent!  I just feel overwhelmed and like I am in the twilight zone.

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12 thoughts on “So we have had our first fight. And I don’t think I am in the wrong….

  1. three words… You. Are. Right. and don’t let him guilt you into thinking otherwise.

    i hope to God he’s not this manipulative, but having a baby would be another reason to keep you “locked” into a relationship with him. I’m not saying don’t ever consider it, but holy hell! you are so right that it’s WAY too soon.

    • Thank you!!!! I thought I was losing my mind and being a bitch. I am trying to want us let alone another child that suffers if and when this all blows up. Not that that is what is going to happen but come on, one step at a time!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so annoyed. I wanted to run down the block far far away screaming!

  2. Wow, just hang in there I am so glad you are able to vent through this blog. You are really brave, you have gone through so much and you are still standing and still trying to make sense of things. Don’t be so hard on yourself, just like you said one foot in front of the other. Your husband is obviously feeling insecure, just talk to him about it even if he is totally wrong may be the issue is not having another baby but something deeper, remember you are chipping away on that cement block, right now would be a great opportunity for you guys to do a little chipping away and let the butterflies breath a little bit more.
    Hang in there.

      • I know is hard, I am not going through anything you are going through, I am actually newly wed so kind of on the other side of the coin but I love the way you writte, I love how open you are, it is so good for you and your for healing. I was reading some of your other post and I love it. you could write a book and it would be amazing. By the way I know alot of people have said very offensive things, I love how you actually said you know it was wrong, it shows alot more character than anything any body else is saying but on a brighter note don’t think about how hard it is, think how far you’ve come. everytime you get down and see things closing on just see how far you have come, you are nearly there.

      • Thank you. Funny you say what you said about writing a book, I have always wanted to write a book LOL! I appreciate your kindness and seeing past the fact that I cheated and was able to see my heart and true character.

      • Like you said we are humans, I think wrtting a book would be a great way for you to always keep yourself away from thinking so much, because you are such a planner you would want to make you plan the introduction, what was important, what wasnt and that will make you look at the whole situation more objectively!! Any way I also hope to publish a book one day. My blog is totally non relating to your but have a look, I think it might make you laugh and just see that things are never what they seem!!

  3. No, you’re in the right. Bringing another child into the picture when things are so tenuous between you would be a huge mistake. It’s not the right time. It could be some day, but not now. Your relationship is fragile and probably 50-50 as to whether you survive in even the near-term, let alone the long-term. You don’t want to be responsible for a baby under these circumstances.

    I understand him though. He’s trying to make things “normal.” He’s trying to mark his territory by impregnating you. He’s trying to figure out what to do to make sure that you two recover from it. The problem is that there are no short-cuts to recovery. You both have a lot of work to do to have any chance in surviving this. A lot. You need to focus on the two of you. A baby is a distraction from the realities of your situation.

    I too tried all I could to make it “all better” shortly after my D-Day. I talked her into a vow renewal right before Christmas. I tried to act normal at home. The vow renewal was fine, of course, but it was premature. And it didn’t mean our problems were solved. We have only made the progress in the last few months. We are being radically open and honest. We are doing the work to remake our relationship. It takes time. We both have grievances. She still has to overcome feelings of hurt and jealousy for my affair. I have to learn how to trust her again and be completely open with my life and change my poor behaviors and boundaries. It’s working, but it takes time.

    So be loving. Tell him you’re not shutting the door forever on this, but now is not the time. Focusing on “us” should be.

    Oh and unfortunately for him, when it comes to babies, the person who says “no” gets to have their way. You should never make a baby unless both partners fully agree on it.

    Good luck.

  4. I agree with Wayward.

    I think that him impregnating you is like marking his territory and perhaps he feels that it would solidify the fate of your relationship. Just reassure him that as long as you both are working to repair things and are making wise choices along the way, that things will get better. He is probably afraid that any little slip might doom his entire efforts.

    A baby is certainly not the solution to your problem…or to the fact that he has missed out on milestones of his other babies. He can never get those back and he can’t replace that pain by having another baby and making up for it. He needs to accept things as they are and be happy with what he has now.

    This is his addict thinking: trying to find that quick fix to relieve him of the pain of looking at how his actions have affected him. (I am an addict also, 9 years clean)

    Just let him know that when there is stability in your relationship that it can be up for discussion again. Bringing a baby into this world amidst your chaos would only deter your recovery, as well as sorely affect the baby.

  5. So odd how are stories are so vastly opposite, yet…similarities. I hope that it’s ok for me to comment though, given that I’m a betrayed spouse, and not a wayward.

    I agree with you. Having a baby right now?? Not smart. Not at all. It would take the focus off of your marriage repair. But eventually, all the issues would rear their ugly head again. Except by then, they would likely be worse. Rug sweeping never works.

    We have 5 children as well, though by the time my husband had his affair, he had a vasectomy, and I had an ablation. So no chance of any more children. But the thought alone? Sends me into a complete panic. No way, no how.

    We are just NOW starting to focus on US again. For so long the kids always came first because they were young, they needed this, that and everything in between. We had them back to back and everything poured into them. I can NOT imagine having a newborn and trying to fix our marriage and dealing with the aftermath of an affair at the same time. God no.

    • I love you commenting, really! I want all sides to see my side, and I want to know all sides of the other sides lol. Thank you for following me. I look forward to reading all of your stuff too!

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