To the wife of the man that I fell in love with,
I know you are angry at me. In fact I’m willing to bet angry doesn’t even begin to cover it. I won’t apologize for my behavior, because I know you would only laugh, and thats okay but there are a couple things on my heart.
First and foremost I was a horrible friend. My reasons to be friends with you in the beginning was to see your husband more… completely selfish. However in that time, I grew to really like you. Thinking often about my actions when I saw your loving side. I just want to take a moment to tell you, (my place or not) why it may have been easy to do what he did. I won’t tell you my reasons because I’m willing to bet you won’t/don’t care.
Your husband, (yes YOURS), feels very alone in his marriage. He misses his family. The family YOU have told him he can’t have a relationship with. He understood in the beginning because of what happened on your wedding day, (yes I know what happened, and I am sorry that happened, that is sad). HOWEVER, nothing is more important than family. NOTHING. And you have ripped this from him and threatened to leave with the kids if he even talks to them. He cried to me over this. HE has MUCH pain over this. He is hurting. He feels like you purposely want to be his one and only thing. Selfishly. He btw has seen his family and feels like he can’t share this information with you. How sad to feel like you have to keep things from your wife to be able to have a relationship and keep your kids.
To call your husband a fat ass lazy bum in front of me and others, pushed him away just so you know. And my heart broke for him when you said it.
He said you never do anything. I watched for nearly a year and a half how true that was. He did say you were an excellent mother, and you are. But responsibilities of being a parent exceed being the fun hair braiding Halloween costume making mom. I know you do more than that but that is how he felt. We helped you move into your house… Tons of people helped and you sat on the floor in a bedroom upstairs while people moved your stuff into your house. He was furious over that. He was furious that you expected your deposit back on the old house but did nothing to help clean it or fix it for that landlord. I went over there and helped, while you were posting pictures of the cool reversed braids you did in your daughters hair from your bed.
And lets not forget when you invited us over for dinner. This is the night I knew your husbands heart was hurting. He cooked dinner. He made drinks. He did dishes. He took your youngest’s dad home. He cleaned up. He changed diapers. He made your plate, brought it to you, filled your drink, took your dishes from you. You never got up. Ever. You informed him every time you needed something. Every time a child needed a diaper. Dinner for 13 people, in your house, that you hosted, and you never helped. Your husbands chin nearly hit the floor when I walked my plate to the sink.
So what started as a ‘yeah my marriage sucks to, my husband is addicted to pain killers and thinks he is a rockstar and never comes home’ conversation and just was conversation for six months, grew to much more because he didn’t feel loved, appreciated, needed, wanted or desired at home. And when you add that to me feeling the same way things happen. It took a long time… we didn’t just start making out. We laughed a lot… cried often and missed the way we were listened to. We missed how we used to be able to have conversations like this with our spouses.
He loves you. He does. He thinks you are a great mom. You are. I feel like I am a good mom and you blow me away. You are so fun and so creative. You don’t mind messes if it makes the kids smile. I love that about you. BUT your husband is hurting. He is a person in that house. He has an amazing heart and loves you very much. That was always known by me. I knew what you meant to him at all times. But all the love in the world for someone doesn’t stop the hurting when you are not loved back. THAT is what he wanted. That is what he needed. Routines take over, schedules are overwhelming, places to be and go consume us, you have to remember there is a man (and a wife) in the house that need time too. Time for each other. I know your needs were not being met either. Its hard to want to meet the needs of someone who isn’t meeting yours….
I truly hope you can both fix your marriage. I am sorry I stepped out of my appropriate place. I just realized and really felt like people need to know that an affair isn’t just the cheaters faults. Something caused them to be able to make and do those things. A third person. Apparently to have an affair there has to be at least three people. I am sorry I was one of them. It wasn’t a goal of mine to be ‘the other woman’. Ever.
HER, the other woman.