Struggling day.

So some of you know that I am in school learning how to fly.  Airplanes. But helicopters have always been fascinating to me.  So my husband surprised me with a helicopter ride yesterday.  I was so excited.   How can thinking of HIM possibly interfere with this right?  Ummmm well he flew over the hotel that WE stayed in..  Flying in total happiness tears filled my eyes.  The pilot must have thought I lost it.  Thank God it was a two seater and my husband wasn’t in the helicopter.  I don’t know what I would have said.  The pilot asked if I was crying because I was scared and that he would land.  I told him please don’t think I am crazy but that hotel down there just has great meaning to me, and seeing it at this beautiful view just got me….   he must think I am a basket case.  How long is this going to be the case.  I got back and I was worried my husband would see through me.  I put down my sunglasses from holding my hair back and told him it was awesome, I tried really, really hard NOT to be quiet on the ride home.  How long is this going to take to let go?  I know the choice I’ve made is the one I want… I do.  I can’t have what isn’t mine.  I can’t make him choose me and I would never ask.  He came back, (texted me remember?) and I told him I’d made my choice as he did months ago.  When is this constant ache going to go away.  I think there might be a plus to a MM or AP going psycho… the anger and resentment I think might make getting over them easier.   Take me up doing my passion with my husband waiting excitedly on the ground and fly me around ‘the hotel’.  FML.    This pain can stop now.  Anytime.  Please and thank you.


5 thoughts on “Struggling day.

  1. I’m hoping the anger I have will make it easier! I see so many people grieving over their AP’s. I don’t want to do that!! I wish you peace.

    • If you truly love him I don’t see how you can’t grieve him… its a process. If you end up not grieving him, I’d love to know how you did that!!! You are one talented woman! LOL. 😀

  2. I think that last line must be for me!! Yes, having my OW go psycho on me certainly helped me get over her faster and drove me further and faster into the protective arms of my marriage. Her actions actually worked against what she was trying to accomplish. I think that if she had been sweet and understanding like you were when I terminated things, I think I would be struggling similarly to you. Which is why I don’t judge you and why I feel protective of you. Like my little sister.

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