All I want for you in life, is for you to be happy.

I often wonder, what he is doing.  How close he is to emailing me.  Not respecting my feelings and just thinking of his.  I am having a hard time.   I love my husband.  I do.  I’m not saying this over and over trying to convince myself.  I just have never felt anything like I felt with him.  Nothing so moving.  Nothing so powerful.  Nothing so weakening. Nothing so empowering.   I miss a relationship feeling that way.. I didn’t even feel like that in the beginning with my husband.  Yes it was amazing.  But I have never felt what I felt with HIM.   I truly think it was from the six to eight months that we did nothing but talked.  Built a foundation of knowing someone.  Really knowing them.  Their heart, mind, soul.    I know soul sounds a little deep but I know the conversations that took place.  I have never had those types of conversations with anyone.   I’m telling you, I don’t miss all the sex stuff.  I miss the friendship.

I’d love to be friends with him.   LOL.  Yeah that won’t ever happen.  You know, have my cake and eat it too?   I so could write a book on my story.

I had a ‘bad’ dream last night.  This picture reminds me of it.  He accepted my walk away request and he started looking online for someone else…  It was like I was in the room watching him do it.  He just needed that friend.  That outlet from his selfish-self-centered-the world revolves around me wife.   I liked her as a friend I did.  I just hated the way she treated him.  He is this wonderful being.   I think I could walk away w/o being sad or missing him if I knew he was happy.  He isn’t.  He wasn’t.   It wasn’t just what he told me… don’t forget our families hung out.  I saw it.  Often. No wonder she started catching on.  She probably saw the physical hurt in my eyes when she treated him like shit.   I just want him happy.  Loved.  Adored.  Wanted.  Needed.  Appreciated.  The way he deserves to be.  By someone that can be there for just him.

Advertisements

29 thoughts on “All I want for you in life, is for you to be happy.

  1. Just remember, it isn’t up to you to fix his relationship problems and take away his pain. He does not need to be rescued; he needs to stand up to his wife and address the changes that need to be made openly and honestly or he needs to leave.

    I understand that you care about him and it makes it hard to detach, but his problems aren’t your problems. Focus on the budding relationship you have growing with your husband and find the beauty in that. You can create what you had with your MM with your husband. Make the relationship exciting once again. In order to do that, you have to begin to let go of your MM.

    I know it isn’t easy and I am here to support you.

    • Trust me, I’m trying :D, it is hurting less, and I am thinking about it less but there are those days still… those tough days. Waking up from dreams.. seeing things… it just sucks.

      • It really does, I am sure. It is good to hear that you are giving it your best. I am sure you will eventually get to where it is less painful and you can enjoy what you have more.

  2. I wonder if I will feel what you feel down the road, after all is said and done. How long has it been since contact with him?

    • Him telling his wife was in October. We talked until December (when his job came to an end) and we haven’t talked since. Other than my text to him saying I needed to focus on my marriage.

  3. Sigh. I want to re-blog this on my blog, but I don’t know how…the option isn’t available. In any case…I guess that’s my way of saying, I KNOW. I know, I know…

  4. Amazing how much easier it is to connect to someone who doesn’t “belong” to you. I have experienced a similar thing. Each couple has a dance, my fear is the dance he dances with his wife is not one I ever would want him dancing with me. I wonder if the dance of that emotional intimacy can only be shared when the risk is lessened because there is already someone else to belong too.

  5. My thoughts often wander as well, is she happy? Is she still living the lie? How close is she to reaching out to me? Even if she did it wouldn’t go anywhere. My point is I can appreciate where you are coming from and it certainly isn’t easy.
    I hope you find comfort in thinking the best and wishing the best for him.

  6. This is sweet…sad…yet real. I worry for you. You can’t give your marriage an honest shot at recovery while you’re still so hung up on this guy…but we love who we love…and there isn’t much one can do about it

      • yes, I can see that. It DOES take time. It’s amazing that, although things were going well at home, as late as mid-February, I still have complex, mixed feelings about my ex-OW.

        But time does heal. I no longer want her. I don’t even have good thoughts about her. Mostly I feel dread. Pity. Some hatred. But I realize our situations are very different. She was cruel and vicious to me. Helped to drive her out of my head.

        But that being said, my point is that there is hope. He will always be a memory, but it will fade. I promise.

      • Thank you for listing the other blogs. I’ve added several to my “Follow” list. I hope they are open to my input

  7. Every time you post about it, is a little bit that you let go, so I am so glad to see you talking about it. I think you are so brave to even have start it a blog about it, it takes alot of courage to put yourself out there knowing that people will judge you, and that is how I know rather sooner than later it will all be a distant memory because you are brave!!

    • I just hit a place where I didn’t care what people thought… I needed to tell someone… I was so broken and sad and lonely on the inside I was going to die if I didn’t just talk, didn’t just say what HE mean’t to me…. who could do that? Who could fall in love with a married man? Who does that? I was so ashamed but couldn’t talk to anyone. I was so heartbroken but couldn’t cry to anyone… I felt like I’d lost my best friend, as though a best friend had just died and I couldn’t cry, I couldn’t be sad, because I have a pretty good life… why would I be devastated? If I didn’t blog I knew people would see through me and I was so tired of crying behind closed doors. Thank you for all your kind comments! I am human, it has taught me one big lesson… to never judge someone who does wrong. A, its not our place but B. they are human, and you never fully will ever understand someones reasons.

      • See this has taught you something, a bigger meaning of life.. so you are in the right path 🙂

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s