I often wonder, what he is doing. How close he is to emailing me. Not respecting my feelings and just thinking of his. I am having a hard time. I love my husband. I do. I’m not saying this over and over trying to convince myself. I just have never felt anything like I felt with him. Nothing so moving. Nothing so powerful. Nothing so weakening. Nothing so empowering. I miss a relationship feeling that way.. I didn’t even feel like that in the beginning with my husband. Yes it was amazing. But I have never felt what I felt with HIM. I truly think it was from the six to eight months that we did nothing but talked. Built a foundation of knowing someone. Really knowing them. Their heart, mind, soul. I know soul sounds a little deep but I know the conversations that took place. I have never had those types of conversations with anyone. I’m telling you, I don’t miss all the sex stuff. I miss the friendship.
I’d love to be friends with him. LOL. Yeah that won’t ever happen. You know, have my cake and eat it too? I so could write a book on my story.
I had a ‘bad’ dream last night. This picture reminds me of it. He accepted my walk away request and he started looking online for someone else… It was like I was in the room watching him do it. He just needed that friend. That outlet from his selfish-self-centered-the world revolves around me wife. I liked her as a friend I did. I just hated the way she treated him. He is this wonderful being. I think I could walk away w/o being sad or missing him if I knew he was happy. He isn’t. He wasn’t. It wasn’t just what he told me… don’t forget our families hung out. I saw it. Often. No wonder she started catching on. She probably saw the physical hurt in my eyes when she treated him like shit. I just want him happy. Loved. Adored. Wanted. Needed. Appreciated. The way he deserves to be. By someone that can be there for just him.