Trust

 

I guess I am in the mood to blog today.  That is a good thing being that I haven’t been feeling it.  My husband and I are doing pretty well.   He is going to be going out of town for work and I am struggling with this a little bit.  But I figure he is struggling with stuff with me probably too.  I just know the one guy that works for him is a huge pot head.  They are staying out of town because it is a three week job and he will be sharing a room with this guy.  The company put two men to a room and have allowed them Friday’s off to go home for three day weekends… anyway long story short I don’t’ want my husband in a room with this guy.  I think one drug leads to another and I am terrified.   Do I trust him?  Yes.  Do I trust his addictions?  No.  Part of me debated calling this guys wife, (I know her I used to do daycare for her daughter) and just tell her to talk to her husband….. BUT then I felt like that isn’t fair to my husband… I just don’t know what to do.  Pot I guess isn’t a big deal, but I’ve never done it, my fear is one thing always leads to another… it was pot that started my husbands downward spiral to pain killers.  The pain killers lead to wanting to hang more with the band and the guys that do that…. which lead to him never being here, which lead to my choices and wrong doings.   I’m terrified.

I feel like I owe it to him to trust him but I am human and right to have these feelings right?

Please keep in mind that this subject, this ‘thing’ has the ability to destroy my marriage.   I want to look at my husband and say this, “what if for three weeks I was supposed to go out of town and sleep in a room, in a bed next to HIM?  Could I not touch HIM?  Could I not have a weak moment?  Would you be comfortable trusting me?  Would it bother you?  Would you say anything to me?  Would you be a wreck while I was gone?  Would you question me when I came home?  And I’ll be TOTALLY honest, I don’t know what I’d do.  I would hope I’d make the right decision, but I loved HIM so much… it was so good for so long, and he was there for me when you weren’t.  Sadly.

 

Its driving me mad.

Let it go.  Trust.  <——– doing just this turned my life upside down once already.   What do you think?  Am I paranoid?  Or are my feelings understandable.

 

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10 thoughts on “Trust

  1. I read this earlier and having read your post i thought i’d post it.

    From sexcigarbooze

    I trust you, means more than I love you, because you may not always trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust.

  2. VERY UNDERSTANDABLE to feel this way. I am so happy that things are going well between you two…but these are things you NEED to be able to talk to him about. If it were me, I would phone her. He needs to not fool himself and realize once an addict he will always be susceptible, just as you will always be susceptible to the OM. It IS very similiar. The biggest thing I would encourage you to do is TALK about it with your man 🙂 And just so you know…my hubby is out of town a lot too, so I get how hard it is. *hugs*

  3. How long has he been clean? I know, for me…having battled with pain pills, if I was being exposed to something for three weeks, I don’t know how I’d react, and I’ve been fully clean for 2 years now.

    Have you talked to him about your fears? I mean honestly spoken to him about it?? I would.

    • We have talked but I feel like I did wrong too… I feel like I’m throwing his stuff in his face… I don’t know it seems crazy like we should be just able to talk but it brings up crazy feelings.. which (believe it or not) brings HIM up in my mind… I’m just trying to move the frick on. I just need to figure out how to talk to him w/o making him feel like I don’t trust him, I just don’t want him to mess up… there is a lot weighing and riding on this.

      • I don’t think it’s about trust as much as two months out is not long enough for him to be able to rely on himself to be able to say no. He will WANT to do the right thing. I did too. But the draw is SO strong. And at 2 months out, if I was around it, I would break down and use. It’s like an alcoholic, you wouldn’t want them to be in a bar at 2 months out, or serving alcohol around them at 2 months out. It’s just too early in his sobriety.

        Does he have a sponsor? Does this bunkmate know that he’s an addict who is trying to get clean? If so, then he can ask the guy to not bring the pot. THe guy should respect him enough not to. Period. If the guy doesn’t know, I’d ask him to tell the guy and make the request. If he has a sponsor, the sponsor would tell him not to bunk with the guy, plain and simple.

        Just because you’ve both made poor chocies, doesn’t mean he doesn’t need to be accountable still.

      • He doesn’t have a sponsor, and I think he would be too embarrassed to say anything to him I think he is just expecting that he can control it. That is why I wanted to call the guys wife, and just speak to her from me, ‘another woman’ you know?

      • Yeah, just expecting to control it might be setting himself up to fail, honestly.

        Would he be up for getting a separate room?

        If it were me? Honestly? I would talk to the wife. Because I know how strong that pull is. And 3 weeks is an awful lot of exposure this soon out you know?

        I’d also talk to him, and about expectations of how he plans to stay clean during this time. Specific expectations. He needs to be prepared.

  4. I think you have to be honest with him and tell him how you feel and now I dont think you shouldnt feel bad about it and if you have to talk about it every day to make you feel better than you should, put a plan in place, may be if he feels tempted he should call you and you should help him and support him instead? you know what I mean so he knows that you love him and just hate his addiction and that you are willing to work towards it together, this will also bring you closer. Think of it as a chance to actually work together at something that is meaningful to both of you.

    You said your marriage was great before, try finding the things that you used to do together before that made the marriage work, some of those foundations are still there, you just have to dust them off a little and pick them up again.

    addictions are really hard but I think if you are there for him, he will be less likely to be tempted into it because you’ll be more important, be kind, be tender, be soft, he needs you, that is why he came back, that is why he is cleaning himself up. Dont think about the past so much what can you achieve by it? you will be so stack in it that you will forget to live today, you will miss the opportunities to revive your marriage.

    I know you are hurting and I know this is hard, and I know HE was the one that left and YOU are the one that needs him but sometimes giving builds us up, it wakes things in us that we had forgotten were there.

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