I guess I am in the mood to blog today. That is a good thing being that I haven’t been feeling it. My husband and I are doing pretty well. He is going to be going out of town for work and I am struggling with this a little bit. But I figure he is struggling with stuff with me probably too. I just know the one guy that works for him is a huge pot head. They are staying out of town because it is a three week job and he will be sharing a room with this guy. The company put two men to a room and have allowed them Friday’s off to go home for three day weekends… anyway long story short I don’t’ want my husband in a room with this guy. I think one drug leads to another and I am terrified. Do I trust him? Yes. Do I trust his addictions? No. Part of me debated calling this guys wife, (I know her I used to do daycare for her daughter) and just tell her to talk to her husband….. BUT then I felt like that isn’t fair to my husband… I just don’t know what to do. Pot I guess isn’t a big deal, but I’ve never done it, my fear is one thing always leads to another… it was pot that started my husbands downward spiral to pain killers. The pain killers lead to wanting to hang more with the band and the guys that do that…. which lead to him never being here, which lead to my choices and wrong doings. I’m terrified.
I feel like I owe it to him to trust him but I am human and right to have these feelings right?
Please keep in mind that this subject, this ‘thing’ has the ability to destroy my marriage. I want to look at my husband and say this, “what if for three weeks I was supposed to go out of town and sleep in a room, in a bed next to HIM? Could I not touch HIM? Could I not have a weak moment? Would you be comfortable trusting me? Would it bother you? Would you say anything to me? Would you be a wreck while I was gone? Would you question me when I came home? And I’ll be TOTALLY honest, I don’t know what I’d do. I would hope I’d make the right decision, but I loved HIM so much… it was so good for so long, and he was there for me when you weren’t. Sadly.
Its driving me mad.
Let it go. Trust. <——– doing just this turned my life upside down once already. What do you think? Am I paranoid? Or are my feelings understandable.