Wendy, Wayward and Me… A Little Cyber Triangle.

http://ourjourneyafterhisaffair.wordpress.com/   (WENDY)


http://recoveringwayward.wordpress.com/   (WAYWARD)



Obviously this picture is not us in real life lol, we are just friendly commenters on each others blogs.   Want to hear the weird triangle part?  This is how I think of the three of us:  The cheater, the cheated and the other woman.  Or as some of my commenters would call us would be the asshole, the victim and the whore.  Either way you see fit to call us the three of us have made a pretty good friendship in our situation.

Wayward had an affair, yes.

Wendy’s husband had an affair, yes.

and I, had an affair with a married man while being married myself, yes.

Our triangle is so very interesting.   We have one person on each of an ‘affair situation’ in this online friendship.   I have seen how the wife of the married man thinks, because of Wendy.  I have read and learned how the man I had an affair with might think about me or what might be in his head in choosing to heal his marriage with his wife because of Wayward.  Wayward has learned from Wendy how his wife might have felt at times because of how Wendy has written.  Wendy reads my writings and learned that I am a human with a heart and not a whore as I am so nicely labeled by many.  And Wayward sees what it is like after an affair for a woman on the outside not at home with the wife.   We all played a different role in the same book.  And what is so fascinating to me is we all encourage each other and feel for each other!  I love Wendy and Wayward’s comments on my blog!  I love their points of view.  I love reading their experiences.   All of my followers have helped me through this spot in my life, but there is something about these two… I needed to hear, see, read, feel all sides.  You have to know all of it.  And these two especially have shown me this…   Wendy and Wayward I appreciate you. Thank you for not judging me…. the way a lot of people have, I can’t believe how much we have all changed in just a matter of months.

My perfect little blogging buddies.  My affair-therapy triangle.

OH and the really cool part?  All of us decided to work really, really, really hard and repair and save our marriages.  THAT is the coolest part my blogging friends!

Cheers!  <clink>


58 thoughts on “Wendy, Wayward and Me… A Little Cyber Triangle.

  1. LOL. Maybe we should run a joint blog. “Ask About Affairs” where we all give the perspective from each of our positions in the triangle? Maybe a radio show! LOL.

    I’ve learned a lot from you, and I’m so pleased you think I’ve helped you. I’ve learned so much from Wendy too. Both of you have been an incredible help in my recovery. We might not always agree, but both of you always make me think. And it’s helped me so much.

    I respect both of you tremendously, even if the world wants to slap us with simple labels.

    PS: Not everyone sees Wendy as “the victim” — some see her as a “betrayed sell-out” because (*GASP*) she decided to forgive her husband and work to build a better relationship. To them, she’s a fool, a wimp, or something. Her character, integrity and decisions are very threatening to the crowd who use their victimhood as both power and shield. But you know what? She’s better off than 90% of them. Would you rather be her, or be one of these pathetic bloggers who are whining how they can’t “get over it” years and years later?

    • I love the joint blog idea… its all sides. We can even find the side of the man, (maybe my husband lol) who was in Wendy’s shoes with a affair having wife…

      I respect you also Wayward… you have made me realize what HE might be thinking, what HE might be feeling and made me less hurt by his actions and more understanding to his reasons.

      And you’ve made me feel not so alone in the feelings I have/had for him. It made me feel better to know at one point LONG AGO you did care for her and that her actions and psychoness, (lol is that a word) has made you loose all respect for her… It made me feel like I walked away the ‘right way’. The ‘respectful way’. You have always praised me for the adult way we walked away from each other, and I appreciate that, it makes me feel like I did SOMETHING right.

    • I’ve wondered about that “sell-out” perspective, and even asked my FWH about that Revcovering. At least from his perspective. I asked him if he lost respect for me because I stayed. He said he actually respected me more, because it’s the harder road to take when you choose to recover and reconcile. So though “others” may think us betrayed’s are “sell-out’s” thankfully you guys don’t.

      • I don’t think you are a pathetic blogger…. I love your posts…. HOWEVER, please don’t waist a moment worrying about what others think… its a moment of your precious all to short life waisted…. 🙂 F anyone who wants to think badly of you 🙂

      • I’m not saying I agree. I’m saying that SOME betrayed spouses use their status as victim to bludgeon, control thier waywards and as a basis of new power over the relationship. And they see anyone who has reconciled as somehow threatening to that. Are there some betrayeds who give in too easily just to “get along” and smooth things over ? Yes. But others are part of a team that do the work — the wayward must do certain things to make things right. Significant things. But the betrayed spouse must forgive, understand and move on too. It requires humility and vulnerability on both their parts. But as I said, some don’t want to “get over it” and move on. And hate anyone who does.

    • I’ve been reading here for a few days. Other perspectives always interest me. I will admit, much of this blog has been very hard to swallow. I considered posting before but I assumed my comments would be deleted post haste.
      That being said, I can not let the remark made in Recovering Wayward’s reply go unchallenged. He said:
      But the betrayed spouse must forgive, understand and move on too.

      You may consider this nit-picking, but I feel strongly that the word MUST is highly inaccurate. We, as the betrayed, do not HAVE to forgive, we CHOOSE to forgive. We do not HAVE to understand, but we struggle to do so because we CHOOSE to heal our marriages. We CHOOSE to give the gift of reconciliation so we can move forward. The only thing we MUST do is work very hard to recover from all the pain and to heal our broken lives. We CHOOSE to accept what happened. Not all of us can forgive it.
      Thank you for your honesty and insight.
      Shawn, the wife. http://ayearaftertheaffair.blogspot.com/

      • I think maybe what Wayward meant, and I’m pretty sure he’ll comment for himself but you do kind of HAVE to… You can choose to, (that makes sense to me) but at the end of the day for it to work you have to. Have to sounds final. Marriages only work with a final agreement to try. You HAVE to move on for it to work. I see both words working. I just think the word HAVE to showed his knowledge of you have to be that determined and final with wanting to make it work. He knows that the final CHOICE was in his wife’s hands… he knows he did wrong.. but in choosing to accept it, thats one thing but you do kind of HAVE to accept it to move on…. just as he has had to HAVE to accept responsibly for ‘his part’. Don’t forget that spouses play a role in their partners having an affair. Some needs are not being met somewhere… leaving TWO people at fault. My husband was gone for a year and a half almost two. I didn’t divorce him because it was drugs and I prayed and payed for help, hoping he’d wake up. But that didn’t leave me from being lonely and falling for someone who was lonely and talking nicely to me too… what started as just talking and relating to each other lead to comforting each other and emotionally being there for one and another… I never planned to have an affair, its just odd how that emotional connection and thinking someone truly gives a shit about you and your life and your situation will lead to that. My husband for us to move on HAS to accept that I had an affair. He can choose to accept it, but to move on he HAS to accept it. I have to accept that my actions hurt him, his actions hurt me and and choose to accept that we HAVE to accept this for this to work. You don’t have to accept anything. You don’t HAVE to accept to forgive your spouse. I think either way for something to work, the word choose or have to accept, is just a word either way having to or choosing to… you are forgiving your spouse and trying to move on. You are right, you don’t have to do anything. I get it. I just think think choose is to wishy-washy in something as destroying as an affair. YOU HAVE TO move on and forgive if it is going to work. In healing from an affair there is no room for choices and wishy washy. HAVE TO is firm. Have to is a fighting word. You have to FIGHT for your marriage after an affair. Its a choice of words I think. Thank you for reading my blog… please don’t ever feel like you can’t comment… all sides help me. Good or bad… just remember we are all human and all have feelings. I am sorry for your hurt and for what your marriage is going through (or went through) I don’t know the story yet b/c I didn’t know of your blog, but I will read. 😀

      • I’ve read some of your blog shawn, I understand you not wanting to comment on my blog now… I want to say so much… but its just not appropriate. Different sides of the fence I guess. Each side never sees their own fault in this whole terrible mess… I am so sorry you were hurt. I am so sorry your husband felt alone in some way to need to step out. I am so sorry for everyone involved. All sides simply just suck.

      • I’m glad you decided to comment 🙂 Because of what you’ve been through, your perspective is helpful for the wayward because it’s easy to get caught up in our own thoughts and feelings. I will follow your blog. Thanks for posting.

  2. Great post. I’ve learned a lot from reading all side’s of the spectrum. And posted recently about empathy for the Wayward Spouse. I tihnk it’s important for healing to try and understand the perspective of the wayward spouse (from the betrayed) and for the wayward to try and understand the betrayed. Empathy on both side’s is very important.

    I don’t think you’re just a whore. I don’t think my FWH is just an asshole. I refer to his AP by an unkind nickname, it’s true, but I don’t know what else to call her, lol. It’s like Recovering’s bunny boiler, LOL. I think if she hadn’t been a bit stalkerish after DDay I wouldn’t call her what I do. But honestly? I don’t hate her. I don’t want revenge.

    I like reading how hard you’re trying to save your marriage. It gives hope to a lot of people. Though I go through my own ups and downs, I see how hard my FWH is trying. ANd that also gives me hope. Surviving an affair, is absolutely possible.

    • yes, it’s possible. it was the jolt I know MY marriage needed and we’ve never been happier. Even my wife tells people that. But I would not recommend this as the way to jolt your marriage. No way. In the end, we’re doing great, but it was painful, ugly, damaging and we are permanently scarred from it. There are better ways. It’s a stain on my soul that I will never be able to fully erase.

      To some, I’m the asshole. Ok. I took a big risk putting myself out there in a blog. I at times get criticized. Bludgeoned. Unfairly, mostly. But others have written me about how much I’ve helped them, mostly by giving them the perspective of the wayward. To me, it’s been worth the risk.

      • Oh I agree. I have said to my husband and others, this has made our marriage better, I just wish it didn’t take an affair to get here, LOL. But it spurned action, on both of our parts to make some MASSIVE changes in our marriage. Things neither of us would do before. It’s not generally something I would recommend, however. It’s hell working through it, but I do think some can make it.

        One of the things I told our therapist when started seeing her right after DDay is that I did NOT want this to make me bitter. I did not want to let this destroy me. I’ve seen on forums how some people 5-10 years out are still SO bitter and miserable, and I just think why??? How??? I think in many ways…bitterness/happiness is a choice. And, I choose not to be bitter.

      • Wayward… the saying ‘stay the course’. Hit me. Love that saying. Thanks for reminding me. I’ll explain later, (maybe) I just really needed to hear that today!

      • Makingredwishes wrote: Don’t forget that spouses play a role in their partners having an affair. Some needs are not being met somewhere… leaving TWO people at fault.
        This statement may be applicable to you, but please do not apply it to the majority of affairs. Believing in and trying to legitimize that fallacy on your blog may make you feel better about what you did, but when analyzing most couples dealing with infidelity, you could not be more wrong. Perhaps you should reach out to more betrayed spouses. If you are interested, I’d be happy to share online support boards with you. Many therapists will tell you that MOST cheaters stray due to their own lack of self-esteem, some emptiness that they are too cowardly to confront with their spouse and exceedingly poor judgement. They create a fantasy world, and make no mistake, most affairs are just that. Nothing REAL is based on lies. My FWH would tell you, OW could have been anybody. She just happened to be available, young, hot and needy. Easy pickings. Did he love her? He thought he did, but now, after intense counseling, he knows it was all a fantasy to feed his fading ego. FWH told me that there was nothing I could have done different, and even if I had been the most wicked wife in the world, he should have come to me first. He should have had the courage to tell me he wasn’t happy. For over a year I beat myself up, trying to comprehend what I was lacking that FWH needed so badly that he would risk our family. Now I know…I lacked nothing. My FWH owns that fact.
        Bottom line, all situations are unique and we all tell ourselves what we must to sooth crushed hearts and mend broken marriages. I just want to encourage you to refrain from assuming that affairs begin due to any fault of the betrayed spouse as that is just a complete untruth in most cases.
        Shawn, the wife. http://ayearaftertheaffair.blogspot.com/

      • I don’t say anything on my blog to make myself feel better or justify my affair, I write about MY situation. The thing is I don’t know what therapists you guys have spoken to but the four I have spoken to say, “no one in a perfect marriage cheats, regardless of how they feel about themselves.” We all have self esteem issues at times, that doesn’t mean you go fuck some guy. What it does mean is that your loving caring spouse builds you up, (because remember you are in this perfect marriage). However here is what goes wrong. Sometimes there is no spouse there to build you up, (like me) OR the spouse that is there is not paying attention to some or all of your emotional needs and you go else where for that to be filled. Simple as that. We need to agree to disagree on this one. People who are happily married and on cloud nine don’t have affairs. Something is broken in the marriage somewhere. It could be emotional, physical, or simply communication… but something is broken. Regardless of two things. 1. what the spouse says after his/her affair as being why he/she did it OR 2. How good the non affair having partner thought he/she did things or how happy they were.

  3. I don’t expect anyone to agree with me. MY personal feelings on this are that
    cloud- nine-perfect-marriage-people don’t have affairs. If you think your marriage is perfect, and your spouse is having an affair, think again, something is missing.

      • My girlfriends husband had an affair. She was like I didn’t do anything to deserve this. I clean, cook, care for our children, carpool…. and she went on and on. I looked at her and said regardless of what you do that does nothing FOR him. You are not talking to him, having a perfect (communication filled) sex life, asking him if he is okay, helping him with handling stressful issues… Think of it like this: You are looking if the house is straightened, not if it is clean. We can all say we have a good marriage but I am pretty sure no one is perfect and we have all let our partner’s needs go ignored when we should have been focused more on them…

      • I just think that admitting that our marriage wasn’t perfect, (and who’s is) would be telling our blog reading friends that the affair MIGHT have been a tad bit because we ignored our spouses needs and I don’t think any spouse would tell their spouse that they had an affair because “you ignored my emotional needs” Give me a break they are not going to want to hurt you again by telling you that after they have already hurt you by having an affair in the first place.

    • I would counter that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Because there is no such thing as a perfect person. If perfection is the place we have to attain to never be cheated on then I guess there is no hope for anyone.

  4. Shawn, not only are your recitation of “Facts” incorrect, but your story is only YOUR story. It’s not typical, nor are you in a position to speak for everyone. If her blog, or any blog, bothers you, I invite you not to read them.

    Life is complex. This issue is complex. Sorry that you were such a crappy spouse that your husband cheated on you, or that you were perfect, but the husband you chose to marry has has pathologically low self-esteem that caused him to boff the first available woman. It doesn’t matter. But this is no reason to take it out on the owner of this blog.

    The reality is according to most therapists that affairs happen PRIMARILY because of deficits in the primary relationship. Unmet, critical emotional needs. If that doesn’t fit your world view, well, so be it. You’re so caught up in anger and bitterness that you’re taking it out on her and us.

    As far as the blog owner, you should delete this person’s comments. They are not only inaccurate, they are simply self-serving and mean-spirited. You have nothing to apologize for. It’s YOUR story. YOUR blog.

    • I’m okay with all sides commenting… I don’t even care what their views are, I actually like having all commenters comments show to get the raw feel of what affairs cause… I just want it to stay respectful and not get like attacking one and another. No one is going to ever fully agree. I just think perfectly happy couples don’t have an affair, if you do, someone is not perfectly happy for some reason like you ‘thought’ they were.

      • and lets be clear, even if we are perfectly happy and think our marriage is perfect, it SOOOO isn’t if our spouse is having an affair. You are in denial if you think it is just that persons insecurities in life.

    • RW; I stated repeatedly that each story is different. You are correct in that my comments are based on my experience, as are yours. With that in mind, I would like to think that you could, at the very least, allow for the possibility, that some, if not most, cheating spouses stray for their own gratification, rather than any flaw in the marriage.

      If the marriage is a total train wreck, does that justify having an affair? Nope, but I did write that I can have some compassion for a person suffering in said train wreck, but I can not justify going outside of the marriage to fulfill the unmet needs of the betrayer. Why not be honest, be honorable…take your issues to your spouse, or get out.

      Makingredwishes has every right to delete my posts, but she seems to be interested in sharing ALL sides of the triangle. I appreciate her willingness to allow open debate and discussion.

      And that is all we have here, discussion and opinion. In a court of law we could both produce experts that would support our views. I’m not sure what part of my replies you felt to be “mean-spirited”. I believe my remarks were adamant, but they never served to attack the blog owner.

      This blog does not bother me. I did not post to be self serving. In what possible way could sharing my thoughts here in cyber space “serve” me? It does not make me angry. I do not know you or the owner, so how could I be angry with you? I only sought to correct statements that I have learned to be inaccurate and inflammatory toward still suffering betrayed spouses.

      By all means, feel free to share your views on my blog. Chime in anytime. I won’t be offended or delete your comments. I will, however, challenge your views when I see fit.
      Shawn, The Wife.

  5. You may want to find another therapist. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. The mere fact that they based their opinions of your situation assuming that there are perfect marriages anywhere speaks to their skill level. My marriage wasn’t perfect, but it was happy. We were the couple everyone else wanted to be. But, FWH was almost 60, his youth was fading fast and he freaked out . Found himself a 24 year old half-wit that had never known a guy with so many perks! Easy.

    He could’ve come to me with his mid-life crisis issues. We could have worked through it. Nope. He told me he WANTED to cheat. He thought he DESERVED it. He worked hard and who would it hurt?

    People do all kinds of horrible things all the time and lay the blame (or partial blame) on another. That is as cowardly as the cheating. I can also see how someone would become needy, but I fail to understand how living a lie would make you feel better about yourself.

    I do not discount that some marriages are lousy. Some people are too scared to leave, too frightened of change, so they cheat. I say…Step Up. Face reality. Deal with it. Don’t create a fantasy to hide from it.

    You are right about one thing…we’ll have to agree to disagree because there is no way I’ll ever agree to your assumption that all betrayed spouses play a part in the cheaters straying.
    Please consider visiting Surviving Infidelity.com
    or The Healing Heart
    Read and learn. AND..feel free to post on my blog anytime. I noticed you posted and then deleted it. There’s nothing you can write that I can’t handle.
    Shawn, The Wife

    • Read all the websites you want, I totally respect you and what you’ve been through, its horrible and painful I know. However you are not going to convince me. At the end of the day people who are totally happy and content in their marriages don’t have affairs. So blame his self esteem, his age, his midlife crisis or whatever makes you feel better but he wouldn’t have gone to her if all his needs physical and emotional were being met by you and you were helping him feel good about himself. Have a nice day, I wish you the best but I am not going to continue to argue this. We clearly disagree, and I just see a woman who doesn’t want to take part, (not all and probably not even half) PART of the blame of what occurred in her marriage.

      • I understand your perspective. I just think that the idea that one person can fulfill “all your needs physical and emotional” is a fallacy. I might recommend reading Codependent No More or another book about personal boundaries. One person cannot meet another’s EVERY need. And looking to someone else to take care of your entire emotional well-being will lead to disappointment every time.

        I can definitely accept that I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. I wrote about it in my post Being a Fixer (http://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/2012/06/05/being-a-fixer/). That was a hard realization for me at first, but once I have accepted it is has also brought a certain peace. I can’t have a perfect marriage. I can’t be a perfect person. If that means I don’t deserve a faithful husband, then I guess no one does. The idea that there is a such thing as a person or marraige that is happy ALL of the time is ludicrous.

        I don’t want to argue, and I am not attacking you at all. I understand completely in your situation your husband was virtually missing from your marriage. I can’t imagine that. Not only was he not fulfilling your “every need,” it seems like he barely fulfilling any of your needs. Does that mean I think your affair is OK? No – and I don’t think you do, either. I can understand the draw of someone who was paying attention to you, making you feel good, listening to what you had to say, and all of the other stuff.

        I just don’t agree that your situation (or that of Wayward) is the only way that affairs happen. I don’t even believe you can say it is the “pirmary” way that affairs happen. Affairs, like people, are a multi-fasceted spectrum. There are a variety of “causes.” I don’t think that you, I, or anyone else can really say with certainty that there is just one (or two) main reasons for EVERY affair. I don’t think we can generalize that ALL affairs happen because of XYZ. Affairs, like clothes, really can’t be “one size fits all.”

  6. she’s just a shitty spouse, and she doesnt’ want to admit it. Either not woman enough to keep a man happy, or so flawed that she can’t make a good choice in a husband. Either way, the fingers point back to her. Don’t bother with this idiot.

  7. I am very sorry that you feel we have been “arguing”. To me, this was merely a robust debate/discussion between two people that need to listen to the other side of this life altering predicament. When we debate, we may not always agree, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t listen and learn.

    Before I head back to my own blog…let me just ask you this: Why should I accept ANY of the blame, even if I was a heinous shrew, when my FWH SHOULD have come to me with his needs before choosing to cheat? I’m wish I had been a mind reader. How can I help him if he won’t let me know he needs help? I can’t. He choose to go outside the marriage without even attempting to work on whatever it is that you say I missed, without coming to me with his issues beforehand. No..he wanted to cheat. Don’t tell the wife that anything is wrong. Better to save that so you can share the blame of the betrayal with her later.
    Why must I take blame for something that was never there as far as I knew? I just don’t get that part of your “argument”.

    I understand if you’re over this little dialog. Just thought I’d try to get my point across one last time.
    Now, I’m going to post about our little talk on my blog.
    Have a nice life.
    Shawn, The Wife

    • I thought we were having a conversation I just feel when two people keep (after a few times) saying the same thing again and again with different words but the same view it becomes arguing. I respect your opinion, and you I stated that, its just not mine.

  8. Found this quote on the current post of a blog I love.
    Elle writes:
    >>It’s a fine balance between acknowledging responsibility for the role we play in a struggling marriage…and accepting responsibility for our spouse’s choice to have an affair. The former is important simply for our emotional growth and understanding of ourselves. The latter inhibits our spouse’s growth by letting them off the hook for their own aberrant behavior.<<
    Think we can agree on that?
    Shawn, The Wife

    • I didn’t go to the link but to what you wrote yes, we can agree… I like the part, “acknowledging responsibility for the role we play in a struggling marriage…. (that is ALL I was trying to get out the entire time we were talking. And like I commented on your blog it WAS your husbands FAULT… so I also like the part that said accepting our spouses choice to have an affair…

  9. given the way you express yourself, it’s hardly a surprise your husband sought to have his needs met elsewhere. What is surprising, however, is that he’s still with you.

  10. Can’t believe I’m gonna go there with you, but I rarely run from bullies.

    Wanna share what you mean by “How I express myself”? If you mean honestly and from the heart, no holds barred, no lies, no beating around the bush and no passive aggressiveness…then you’d be right on.
    My husband actually likes that about me. He says he wishes he was as brave as I am. He says he wishes he didn’t worry so much about the approval of others. That little character flaw is what pushed him to the dark-side. He was too afraid of what I would think of him if he shared with me that he felt like a shell of himself. He didn’t have the courage to ask me to help him. He didn’t want me to think less of him.

    Now, you might say he was scared to come to me because I’m a hard ass bitch. To that I’d say..and what’s your point? If he thought I was too callus to want with all my heart to help him through a tough emotional time….he could have just left me. He’s a divorce attorney! How easy would it have been?
    Nope. So much easier just to find a fantasy to boost your ego, than to come to your wife and deal with reality. It’s about fixing it at home BEFORE you begin the betrayal.
    If you want to continue…I’m game, but right now, I gotta go earn a living.

    Makingredwishes: Sorry about hijacking your blog.
    If you’re over it…just say so, I’m out.
    Have a great day!
    Shawn, The Wife

    • Ummmm, I’m a bully? And second, fine, you win. You are the exception. Your husband was perfectly happy with you and your marriage. He went out and had an affair to celebrate his happiness. ? I don’t’ know I just don’t understand your situation. I don’t want you to leave but I am tired of this subject. Let me have the last word because it is my blog okay? I said SEVERAL comments ago that we need to just agree to disagree. I don’t want you to not read or follow my blog I just don’t want to talk about this anymore. 😀 Peace out Sister!

      • Just realized you were talking about Wayward… GEESH I was like I’m a bully?!?! It doesn’t show me where your comments are going to fall when I am approving them…

  11. Makingred: LOL! Sorry! I should have been more specific. So not about you. (And it’s YOUR blog! Sorry about that, too!) I think we could learn a lot from each other.

    But, Wayward….I’m afraid I’m gonna be like a Honey Badger with this guy. My husband says, let it go…but, unless you want us to bail off your blog, I think I’m gonna go a few more rounds with him!
    Now…off to work…for real this time!
    Hope & Hugs, Shawn

    • I want both of you here but I am banning you both from speaking because now you are BOTH just not being fair or nice, or respectful… EITHER of you! 🙂 I’m putting you both in timeout but only from each other… don’t MAKE ME STOP THIS CAR!

      • I enjoy talking and debating with you but I can’t stand your sarcastic rudeness like calling me mom. I’m not telling you to stop like I am your mom, I’m saying it because its getting old- the damn horse is beyond dead, its now rotting with maggots.

  12. OUCH! You hit me where I live! I thought I was being funny…I write funny. Sometimes a little flippant, sometimes sarcastic, but mostly, to people with a sense of humor, I’m funny. You put the “mom” tone into your comment, I just went with it. There was no hint of patronizing flavor intended!

    Listen…for real….I can tell you aren’t the happiest girl in the world. You got your heart broken. Who could relate to that pain better than a betrayed spouse? Seriously. Nobody, that’s who.
    I don’t want to annoy you. You have enough problems. So, I’m gonna bail from your blog. Sometimes, in the blog-o-sphere world, too much gets lost in cyber-translation.
    I think we fall into that communication chasm.
    Good luck with reconciliation. If you ever wanna chat, you know where to find me!
    Hey…if your betrayed spouse starts a blog…I totally want to read it!
    Keep me posted!
    Shawn, The Wife http://ayearaftertheaffair.blogspot.com/

  13. I love reading each and every one of your blogs. Not everyone will agree all the time. We all have our ways of coping.

    These comments, frankly, made me sad. I know everyone will have their own opinions about others’ decisions but I can’t imagine being personally attacked for your choices and feelings. That’s just not fair.

    I won’t pick sides on any of this. I agree and disagree with comments you’ve all made. I am going to write another blog about how infidelity touched me at a young age, thus proving and disproving many professional and personal opinions about being affected as a child and reflecting on my own personal marriage. I can look at it from all sides that way.

    Adding hurt to anyone that has already been affected by infidelity, personal attacks on their feelings, they are THEIR feelings, is not what I am aiming to do. You have all helped me in a different way.

    I am hurt by my husband’s actions, but he’s not an asshole, I can’t say that about all men that cheat such as those who leave for the ow, the grass is not always greener. I resent the ow in my life for thinking she knew my marriage and husband so well that she had the balls to tell ME how to fix my marriage when my husband fed her a slew of lies, but I don’t think she’s a whore. And I don’t regret my decision to stay. I share full responsibility in the decline of our marriage but I didn’t MAKE him cheat, that’s a personal decision he made.

    I will continue to follow all of you in hope of sharing stories, gaining strength and positivity through you, and hearing blunt, honest truths you post in your blogs that make me take inventory of myself. I hope we can all continue to heal together and learn from eachother.

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