And he is off again….

My husband:

 

left again tonight for another five days.  This sucks.

Its almost like there is so much to do during the weekend from him being gone an entire week that it is impossible to have any one on one time.  I miss him already and he only left five hours ago.  We had a good weekend.  I slept so good on Friday and Saturday night and he let me sleep in both days.  I have been having such issue sleeping.

Today I felt bad.  My husband was truly in pain, (having a gallbladder attack) and it instantly puts me in a shitty mood.  It instantly puts me in a mood of being angry and irratated.  How sad.  One should be sad and concerned if their spouse is hurting.  It instantly makes me doubt him.

How bad is he REALLY hurting?

Is he really hurting at all?

Is he really in pain, or does he just want pills?

I feel bad.  I feel guilty kind of.  How long will it take the hurt of all that to go away?

I told him today I am sorry if I didn’t seem sympathetic to his pain, it just happened to bring up feelings of him taking my pills and lying about it, and it lead to you leaving for two years because he got so addicted.   My doctor said it is the hardest addiction to kick.  My doctor also said the problem with this kind of an addiction is, there will be a time where every person who has been addicted to pain pills is in pain, needing medication… which is where the cycle starts.. so they have to really pay attention to how they treat his pain.  I felt bad for him because you could tell he was hurting.  But it still brought those feelings out in me.

When he left on his trip he took the advil, and the heating pad, but didn’t say one word about pills. I am proud of him.  He is still bunking with his boss.  That I am happy about.

**********************

Me:

I’m tired.

The end.   I’ll blog more tomorrow.

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5 thoughts on “And he is off again….

  1. Sadly, my gall bladder is what initially led to my pain medication addiction. Long story, but I had a screwed up surgery where they left things behind, so I had continued pain, they didn’t know what was wrong so said here, just keep taking this, and on and on the bunny trail went. When I had my partial gastrectomy last year for myulcers (stemming from the original gall bladder surgery 4 years prior) it turns out I had several stones and pieces of my gall bladder that they found and had to remove and clean up. I was so appalled. There was a reason why I had been in such horrific pain for 4 years, and it was due to a surgeon who did a shitty job.

    Anyway, my point, gall bladder pain is some of the most worst pain Iv’e ever felt in my life, next to the ulcers which feel like you’re being eaten from the inside out. I’ve had 4 undmedicated homebirths and that was nothing compared. I feel for him, I do. But the thing is, the pills? don’t take away the gall bladder pain. THat I did find out. By the time the pills would kick in, the pain was so intense it didn’t matter.

    Has he considered getting it taken out? My husband is having his taken out this thurs, laproscopic outpatient procedure.

  2. Why doesn’t he have his gall bladder removed? I don’t know what he was addicted to but I got addicted to Demerol because of gall bladder pain. And it is the worst pain I’ve ever felt, but for me a couple of demerol and I was pain free and it would be such a releif. I was a single mom living a good hour from the hospital so if I drove myself in they couldn’t give me a shot so the doctor prescribed me 100 demerol and siad when you feel it coming on take two and go to bed. I didn’t fill the prescription for two years because I was afraid of getting hooked. Finally I filled it a, it took several years but eventually I was up to 40 Denerol a day and still functioning. It’s an opiate just like heroin and I was as hooked as a person can be but the doctor kept filling the prescription-40 a day! Finally they removed a perfectly good gall bladder and cut out my drugs.

    I learned that when a person gets hooked on pain meds the body loses its natural ability to fight pain so everything hurts. Withdrawl is horrible and painful. I went to a pain clinic in Vancouver where I learned meditation, breathing techniques, relaxation therapy, massage, and other natural pain control. It did wonders for me. I kicked the Demerol in a month and afterwards if I had an attack I could breath through it.

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