Why hello my blogging friends! I haven’t posted in about four or five days, because my husband and I and our kids went to our cabin. I had mixed emotions about doing so but over all we had a good time.
We have a cabin about 20 minutes west of Winter Park. Its fun, its beautiful and its peaceful. However I have a hard time up there for a few reasons.
1. I am VERY addicted to my cell phone. My phone, (an iPhone lol) does everything. I can blog, email, Facebook, text, make calls… you name it. But I can’t up there, I have no reception to do so. So I felt like my hands were empty and like I had nothing to do…. which brings me to problem number 2.
2. When you have nothing to do other than sit back and relax and do nothing, your mind finds things to do… I thought about life a lot this weekend.
Am I happy?
What is it I seem to be missing in life?
Am I being the best wife I can be?
Am I being the best mom I can be?
Do I get enough alone time, for me, (not selfishly)?
So my husband and I had some pretty good talks up there. The kids played, had a good time. About 6 years ago my husband built a ‘mini-cabin’ playhouse for the kids on our property… it is just like a little A-frame cabin but kid size… it looks like a little house, but it is the size of a shed. He built in windows, a loft and ran electricity to it from our cabin. He put in bamboo hard wood, carpeted the loft, He built a little counter top and a latter that climbs to the loft. I hung curtains, put in a play kitchen and bought the play ‘cooking toys’ and put lots of kid stuff in the loft like coloring and board games. My husband and I rarely saw the kid lol! They played in the playhouse most of the weekend. The weather up there was amazing and we sat out on our cabins deck swinging on the porch swing that faces the playhouse and just talked. Things are good, communication, laughter and sex for sure, its just not as intense as it once was… I don’t know what it is or even how to explain it. I don’t have that massive excitement to see him or be with him and that overwhelming sadness/dread when he leaves. The emotions of being with HIM were so intense… I miss feeling THAT way. That feeling like I want nothing more than to be with this person. I don’t know what gives you that feeling. I don’t think it is love alone, because I love my husband. I am wondering if it just the love that you have for someone who hasn’t hurt you in any way.
So in thinking this weekend I realize I have the love, and the caring and the affection and the desire for this relationship with my husband.
And it occurred to me what it is that I am missing that I had with HIM. (NO WAYWARD I AM NOT COMPARING THEM I AM JUST COMPARING MY FEELINGS… I WANT TO GET MY FEELINGS/EMOTIONS WITH MY HUSBAND TO HOW I FELT ABOUT HIM)..
So as I was saying, it occurred to me what it is that I am missing. It dawned on me in the middle of the night laying next to my loving husband.
I am missing the Passion.
Thats it. That is what it is. That is the only thing that I can find that is different. How do I get that back??