Emotions, all mixed up make emotional.

So I have fifty million things on my mind and don’t even know where to start.


There is a carnival here. The kids saw it.  My husband wants to do it with the family.  My kids lit up hearing ‘Maybe we can do that Friday night or Saturday’.  Great right?  Wrong!  What is the problem with this?  Ummmm THEY (HIS family) loves crap like this, state fairs, county fairs, Carnivals, (remember I put my kids in 4H with theirs?), so they LOVE this kind of stuff.  What are the chances of running into them?  Well the carnival is here for two weekends,  so right there is a 50% chance, AND the carnival is two minutes from their house.  Seriously.  Am I going to enjoy myself?  Probably not.

A friend of mine having an affair and how I feel about it.

This has me so stressed out.  I understand.  I do.  I’ve been there done that.  I know the outcome.  It isn’t pretty, it never is and guess what?  I was right.   Thing is I can’t talk to her about it because I am not supposed to know.  But I know because a mutual friend told me… the ONE mutual friend that knows about my affair, so I am figuring that this affair having friend knows about my affair because apparently my other friend has a loud mouth.  Which pisses me off but makes me glad I didn’t share *EVERYTHING* with her.

So why does this bug me so much?  Because she has the life we all want.  The huge perfect home, the huge beautiful family, the amazing husband, the adoption process occurring in addition to the two kids they have because it felt like the right thing to do, (please gag me now).  I know, I know, marriage and life might look good on the outside but anything could be going on on the inside.   Lets get to the real issue.

My daughter and her daughter are best friends.

She called me and asked if our girls could have a play date at her house.   I said yes and she said she’d pick my daughter up.  She gets to my house to pick up my daughter and my 12 year old is on the couch.   She asked my 12 year old if she wanted to come too.  My 12 year old LOVES my girlfriend.  I am kind of a tomboy and into sports and my girlfriend is the ultimate girly girl.   Skirts, makeup, hair, nails…. and my 12 year old LOVES it.  So my 12 year old says yes, she’d love to go.   Well they stay the day and spend the night and come home the next day.

Come to find out my 12 year old ‘accidentally mentions’ that my friend had her babysit for THREE hours, (five kids counting herself) my girlfriends three and my two for three hours.   Well I was mad because I do NOT let my 12 year old babysit or stay home alone.  I know she is of age but I don’t do it. If I let my daughter babysit, it is only my seven year old and it is only to run to the store or something quick, and I always take the my four year old with me.  She left my daughter in charge of two seven year olds, a three year old and a FOSTER 8 month old for THREE hours.  Well I was mad and trying to figure out how to talk to her about it without being too emotional and causing her to become defensive, (because she is like that) and I didn’t want to affect our kids.  My moms suggestion was not to let my 12 year old go over again, to keep that from happening, but I didn’t want to do that to my daughter.  So I figured I would write a letter to her.  YES I write letters for everything.  That is just me.

Well later that night my other friend, (the one that knows about my affair and this friend I am talking about) had a birthday.  We were all supposed to go out to celebrate.  Well they come to pick me up and I get in the car to only my girlfriend the one having the birthday.  I asked where the affair having friend was.  My friend responded with, OH she is too emotional she said to come because yesterday she was seeing HIM and HIS wife came home and caught them.  Was I shocked about what she had just said?  NO!  I was pissed because YESTERDAY she had my kids and that is what my 12 year old was babysitting for her to go do?  Fuck some guy?  I was pissed.   I just kept my mouth shut.

I am not going to judge you for having an affair, like I said, I’ve been there done that and I am not about to call the kettle black, however don’t fucking use my kids to entertain yours and babysit so you can go do it.  I am so angry about this. And she didn’t pay my daughter, (which its not about money) its about you asked a 12 year old to babysit your three kids and didn’t pay her!   I have to stop writing about this it is just making me more angry.

Last but not least a message from Meebo/google

“Meebo is retiring.  Please go into your archived messages and retrieve them and save them to a document if you would like to keep them”

Shit.  I didn’t even know Meebo archived conversations.  All of them.  Months and months of him.  Flooded onto light blue pages.  Sigh.  I am overwhelmed.

I have to stop here for now, there is so much I just can’t even deal right now.


6 thoughts on “Emotions, all mixed up make emotional.

  1. I can only imagine how you must feel with all of this going on…and I can’t say I wouldn’t feel every bit as angry as you do right now. However, when you have a chance to calm down a bit, remember the addiction of the affair. It is like a powerful drug and you will do anything to grt another fix. No, you didn’t stoop as low as she did, but the point remains that you were there and know what it feels like. Remember!!!

  2. I would be livid and I would certainly confront her for her blatant manipulation and disrespect.

    She USED your CHILD to indulge herself in her affair. It doesn’t have anything to do with confronting the affair, but how her choices have affected others. How something bad could have happened with so many young kids together…being watched by a Pre-teen. Your kids that you trusted in HER care.

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