I know, I know, I know.

I’ve been so strong.  I didn’t fall to HIM begging me to talk to him.  Until I was at a low.  Now what… start the stupid process over?  No, and it’s pretty easy this time being that HIS response to my text was, (and this is what I love about HIM).

“I know you.  I know you are mad and hurt right now.   I know you don’t mean the text you just said to me, it just seems like what you want.  I’m here for you but only if you text me again.”

and I didn’t.  I don’t want to open up another can of worms, it isn’t fair to anyone.  Myself, HIM or his wife.

This is what I am telling you guys.  HE knows me inside and out.  He knows what is really in my heart.  I don’t want my husband because he keeps shitting on me…. but I don’t want HIM either, because he isn’t all mine.  I’m not settling for any less ever again.  I think the path I am on is sadly one of divorce and fully getting over my marriage before I am even focusing on moving on.  Thats that.

How do I help my husband?  I feel like I have tried everything.  I am sick of trying.  Frankly I am exhausted from getting my hopes up.

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3 thoughts on “I know, I know, I know.

  1. you are right that you shouldn’t settle. and kudos for not sending another text to HIM. it takes an amazing kind of strength to not fall into that trap again, and you do need to give yourself credit for that.
    I’m sorry things seem to be headed on a downhill slide with your husband. In your last post, you said something about “should you have to live in lonliness b/c of your husbands addiction issues.” The answer is NO. If he can’t handle being around the alcohol, then he shouldn’t make you feel guilty for going without him if that’s what it takes. If he is going to be around it, he needs to stick to water… or something non-alcoholic..being that he’s proven to have a problem limiting himself. If he can’t man-up and do those kinds of things, then sadly, ending the marriage is your only way out of the black hole he puts you in. It’s not as if you haven’t tried. You can’t be run over for the rest of your life.

  2. You can’t help your husband. I know you want to. But you can’t. Only he can help himself right now. Maybe your decision will knowck some sense into him. Maybe it will cause him to spiral even more out of control. But that isn’t your responsibility.

    Your happiness. Your safety. Your peace of mind. Your sanity. And your kids. That’s what you have to focus on. You have enough going on without having to deal with someone who obviously isn’t committed enough to change his behaviors right now.

  3. Sometimes letting them hit rock bottom is the only help you can give. Rock bottom might just be you moving on. It’s going to be painful and hard but it might just be what is needed for the both of you. I feel like I’m telling you this as much as I’m telling myself. Hang in there I’m sure it will get better with time. Stay true to yourself my friend.

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