I doesn’t matter who you are. You can be a average working Joe, or a million dollar film director. You can be a stay at home mom or a military dad. You can be Christian, Jewish or have no religion at all. You can be tall, short, heavy set or thin. You can be you or you can be me. The thing is you can have an affair. If the moments were right and you were hurting at home and someone was there to love you, (who wanted to love you and be loved) it can happen. Yes we know right from wrong. But it is so hard to explain how it starts. That one fine wire that you cross knowing you are doing wrong is covered up or made blurry by all the good you feel. Pretty soon you don’t even focus on the bad, the guilt or the negative. You are just happy. Your needs are somehow instantly being met. Sometimes its emotional. Sometimes sexual. Sometimes both. Sometimes it truly is just feeling like someone asked you how your day was and REALLY cared about your answer. You know, didn’t ask you out of habit. I don’t understand how quickly it happens and how quickly it is over. Sometimes no one knows anything and you just come to your senses. Sometimes you get caught. Sometimes one side finds out. Regardless, somehow, someday, somewhere MOST affairs fall apart. And when they do, down fall the pieces of lives all around you of people that were affected by your choices. Your happiness that you felt during your amazing affair, is somewhere in the back of your mind and you can barely see it or feel it because you are so focused on the hurt you are feeling from your actions. Hurt that you wish you would have known would be coming. Hurt that exceeds ANY and ALL reasons you had an affair to begin with. Then when the dust of our actions starts to fall, and healing and repairing begin, up come those feelings of missing that OTHER person. You see things that make you think. Hear things that make you remember. You can go from fine to a total panic attack over the lost person in your life that you grew to love. And understand most will admit love. I know I loved HIM. I know he loved me. You don’t talk to someone for nearly two years, every single day and not develop feelings. Those three little words WERE exchanged. Through tears a couple times. I am so tired of being judged. I am so tired of the way people look at you for being “That Whore that nearly destroyed THEIR marriage”. He made the choices too. With me. We both did. Neither of us was right. We BOTH made bad choices. And you judging assholes better be careful, because one day something will happen that you could be standing in my shoes, (or HIS) and the way you react either makes you a human or a human. Either way, you are a human being with feelings, needs, emotions and longing somehow for some reason for something more.