I need to just do nothing.
I need space.
Is that even possible with five kids?
We had a HUGE fight. HUGE. He left out of town for work w/o saying goodbye, or
texting/calling me when he got there. At the time I was okay with that because I was so mad.
I texted him “good night, I love you”
and he texted me:
I try. Why is it the big stuff like addiction and affairs we can sit and talk about and work
through? Where as it will be the little stupid shit that will kill a relationship.
I’ll tell you what happened, but if you are easily bored, skip ahead please, truly its quite stupid.
My car had two times on Friday that it wouldn’t start. It drove fine, but when we turned it off and went into
a store and came back out it woudln’t start. After waiting like an hour, (both times on Friday) it would start right up and drive just fine.
I was going to call the dealership on Monday, (because now it was driving fine) and it was late Friday afternoon and they were going to be closing until Monday anyway.
Well Saturday, I drove all morning… no problems.. Went shopping, went to soccer, went to my kids’ school board meeting… it was fine. Decided to drive to Best Buy and turned off the car and went in. Came out, got in, the car started right up drove 500 feet onto a BUSY street HUGE intersection and the car died and WOULD NOT restart! Fuck. My daughter is with me so I am trying to remain calm. I can’t take her out so I turn on my hazzards pick up the phone and call my husband. He answers and I tell him the car died. He CORRECTS me, “YOU MEAN IT DIDN’T START?” NO I MEAN IT DIED AND IT WON’T START I am in the middle of ________ and _________ 8 lanes of traffic wide if you count the turning lanes. Please note while I am arguing with him my daughter is freaking out, cars are honking, people are yelling at me and flipping me off. FUCKERS I think its pretty obvious that I am broken down. I don’t even drive a piece of crap. You would think people would be more helpful. I tell my husband I am just going to call roadside assistance and hang up.
While on hold with them, I try to start it again and it starts right up and drives home perfectly. I tell my husband when I get home, I am leaving the car sit all day (because when it sits for a long time it has been starting up and driving just fine) and tomorrow morning we will drive it to the dealership and do the night drop and he can drive me back home. He agrees.
Well Sunday hits and we have a birthday party.
I tell my husband I have to stop by Target to get a gift for the little boy and ask him if he is ready to go?
He instantly asks why I need him to go to get the gift. I reply you don’t have to go but can I have your keys? He says, “Whats wrong with taking YOUR car?”
I’m thinking he didn’t seriously just ask me that.
“we decided that we weren’t going to drive it and take it to the dealership after the party remember?”
“The party is four blocks away, I’m sure the car will be fine.” he says.
“I’m not taking a chance of breaking down in any intersection with my kids in the car again and even though the bday is four blocks away Target isn’t.”
“Why do we need to go to Target”.
“To get a gift, I said that.”
“no you didn’t”
“yes I did, right before you said you didn’t want to go and I asked you for your keys”
“Well we won’t all fit in my truck”…
“Yes we will the middle console lifts remember?”
“Well the back will be too tight with the car seat”
It’s okay, better safe squished than my car breaking down and being sorry”.
“So that means I have to clean it out I guess”.
“NEVER MIND”, I yell at the kids to get in my car and I start crying.
“OH NOW youre going to cry”
“JUST ONCE I WOULD LOVE YOUR RESPONSE TO BE, LETS TAKE MY TRUCK TO TARGET AND THE BIRTHDAY PARTY SO THAT THERE IS NO CHANCE OF MY WIFE AND KIDS BREAKING DOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF AN INTERSECTION WHERE ONE OF THEM COULD POSSIBLY GET HURT. REGARDLESS IF WE ARE SQUISHED. REGARDLESS IF YOU HAVE TO MOVE A FUCKING TOOL OR TWO.”
SO GUESS WHAT.
MY CAR BROKE DOWN. IN THE INTERSECTION OF ANOTHER BIG STREET.
THIS TIME I CALLED MY DAD.
MY HUSBAND TOOK THE TRUCK TO THE BDAY PARTY AND WE WEREN’T THERE. HE STARTED BLOWING UP MY PHONE.
I HANDED THE PHONE TO MY DAD TO PROVE A POINT.
MY DAD ANSWERS.
MY DAD INFORMED HIM THAT HE WAS IN THE PROCESS OF TOWING MY CAR WITH ME, WITH MY KIDS SAFELY IN MY MOTHERS CAR.
I AM SO MAD SO HURT AND SO OVERWHELMED WITH THE FEELINGS THAT SHIT IS NEVER GOING TO CHANGE.
My husband has been working out of town.
He just left.
This morning I woke up to a text:
“Good morning, hope you slept okay.”
I can’t live this way. On again off again. Either you are here and we make it work, or you aren’t and we don’t. I understand him not being here for work, but he didn’t need to leave at noon on Sunday for a job that doesn’t start until 8 am on Monday when the ‘out of town’ place is three and a half hours away.
Its so easy for him to run.
sorry if you find spelling errors.. I found this peaceful writing app that I use to write but it doesn’t do spell check and when I copy and paste it to here it won’t underline any mistakes…. I am just typing fast to get shit off my chest. Thanks for listening.