The Hardest Day To Forget.

 

I got into that room first.

I put a LOT of effort in getting ready.

I stood in front of that ceiling to floor mirror that ran down the entire length of the bed.

I won’t lie, I looked cute.  If only I put this much effort in getting ready for my husband, and I would if he were home.

The soft yellow scarf accented the grey boots and grey sweater perfectly.  The yellow bracelet, full with stones and beads fell loosely from my wrist matching the scarf perfectly.  I turned and the scenery took my breath away.  I opened the blinds fully.  One entire wall of the hotel room was ceiling to floor windows over looking the snow capped mountains.   It was sunny but super windy that day. I walked to the edge of the window and looked down nine floors to the ground.  The hotels courtyard was beautiful regardless of being off season.   The American Flag was snapping in the brutal wind.  It was so beautiful with the mountains being it’s backdrop. I watched your truck pull into the hotel parking lot.  Instantly my heart started racing.   I went from perfectly calm to a feeling I can’t put into words.  Anxious, happy, relieved, excited, worried, scared, nervous all mixed into one.  I watched you park.  You were so sexy in your suit.   You looked so small looking down on you from the ninth floor.   I had the door propped open with the safety latch and I hear you open it.  I turn and time stops.  Seriously it stops.  I am hit with this instant love for you.  I get up onto the bed onto my knees (still to short for your height) and you kiss me as you are taking off your jacket. Your mouth is cold proving the sharp wind hasn’t died down.   I feel your hands wrap around my body and grab my ass.  I hear a chuckle as you make a comment about the mirror.   You lay, (not toss) your coat  on the chair and just lay down on top of me kissing me all the way down to the bed.   And it just starts.  Everything is just right.  Not awkward.  Not weird.  Not rushed.   I hands down knew at this moment I was in trouble.   I had feelings for you.  Twice during this amazingness, I fought back tears.  This day was just different.   I had so much fun.  You knew everything about me.  We at this point had talked for a long time.   Knew so much about each other.  And it showed in the way we touched each other.    This day out of all the days I was with you was my favorite.   I knew this day when you left three things.  1. I was in trouble because I knew I loved you.  For the first time ever I knew it was love.  2. I officially wanted what wasn’t mine to have.  and 3. I knew that moment was the one time best moment I had ever shared with any one  person.    You left and you took my heart with you that day.   You kissed me goodbye and said how each time was getting harder and harder and this time it was almost unbearable.   I walked to the window and watched you walk to your truck and watched you drive away until your truck faded into a tiny nothing.   I took a shower and bawled my eyes out.   I didn’t understand going from cloud nine to a dead drop to devastated.  I showered and go to step out and see the bath mat and just start bawling again.  I loved that about you.  My husband wouldn’t use a mat and would drip water everywhere and I would always scream about laying down a towel or the mat and here you had laid it out when you had showered before you left.  I wrapped my hair in a towel and put your towel around me.  I opened the curtains all the way, laid down on your pillow that still smelled like you and laid there for hours.  No joke.  Hours.  I watched the sun go down and the lights in the parking lot come on.  I debated staying the night, because the room was paid for but decided to go home.   If I didn’t think they would have charged me something insane I would have kept that pillow.   I love the memories.   I do.   I will never forget them.  Ever.

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12 thoughts on “The Hardest Day To Forget.

  1. you have got to get past the reminiscing…it’s not helping you to move on at all! and I’ve noticed that you do it whenever you are having an issue with your husband! that’s not a good sign, lil sister!!

  2. Pingback: Wait Wayward, there was a reason…. « Being Her, (the other woman)…

  3. If I allowed myself to write and remember like you are, I’d be wallowing in self pity. Not to say that it doesn’t sometimes happen, but when you focus on it, it makes it worse. I posted what happened to me:
    http://wp.me/p2A6jH-19
    Maybe that will help you understand what its doing to you. Its just not productive, but its human.

    • I read your post, and liked it. I understand that side but I actually feel better today like I let it go.. Each day just gets easier and easier it seems. He will always be someone I remember as being there when I was at a all time low in my life, and truly I think if I didn’t have an affair, my husband may not have wanted to urgently fix things. Who knows. All I can say is whats done is done, I can’t change the past but I can move forward. Forward leaves HIM in the past where all our memories are stored.

  4. Actually, its good to confront your feelings too. Don’t deny or lock them up. But don’t dwell on them too much. It sounds like you have been trying to “fix things”. Maybe not always with success….the path is not just upward is it? You have to ask yourself, are you both committed to it?

  5. this is heartbreaking…you moved me when you said you took the shower then bawled your eyes out, and that you laid next to his pillow for hours.

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