rehab it is.
people telling me he does love me that his actions are controlled.
one lady/nurse put it in a much clearer understanding.
“picture him being a puppet on a string, and controlling him , (his puppeteer) is everything bad, and the drugs make him do it.”
I’m so sad.
You should see him on day three of being admitted.
It’s heart breaking.
He just hangs on to me and sobs.
I can’t tell you what that is like or how it feels.
This strong, perfect, indedpendant, bussiness owning man that I married, who loved his wife and family is so very broken.
Very, very broken.
Leaving me with a pile of emotions in my lap.
I’m disapointed in myself for not helping him fight.
I’m on edge.
I’m trying to be a good mom.
I’m thankful he isn’t dead.
I’m thankful his boss has agreed to pay him as if he were working, (he is THAT good of a friend), he worded it “paying him to get better”. That in itself is a blessing.
Thing is when I look at my husband, I mean really look, I see him in there. He is tired and broken but he is in there.
How do I get him back without giving up? How do I reach him without dying enough not to live myself? How do I reconnect with a man who has hurt me to the core? How do I forgive myself for having an affair and giving up on him when he was so sick? How many more times do I have to go through this stupid cycle before it works or ends?