Practical Advice to the Other Woman

Practical Advice to the Other Woman.

 

 

Wow.  I am such a piece of shit.

Tears.  I have never cried reading a post.   EVER.

What have I done?!

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12 thoughts on “Practical Advice to the Other Woman

  1. You are definitely NOT a piece of shit!! We do not have the ability to make decisions when in love, your head can’t think clearly when your heart takes over. We all make mistakes and we learn from them. You had the time of your life, and there isn’t anything “wrong” with that per say, it was just the fact of who was the one making your life enjoyable. Remember, it was as much his decision as it was yours. It takes two to tango as they say, the fault is not entirely your own. Just stay strong and learn from you mistakes. You are a good person!!

  2. You are a good person that has made some bad choices. Hopefully, the post you read, was an eye-opener. Change who you are, allow God or the higher power of your choosing to do this and don’t do it alone. In my addiction I have been the “other man” so I know how you are feeling. You are not alone.

  3. stop it. you are so NOT a piece of shit. NOT AT ALL. you’re human. that’s it. it happened, you’re dealing with it. You have to realize that the woman who wrote that post is pisssssed offffff because what’s she’s going through is so damn new.
    Please don’t beat yourself up. Life is too short. Live and love.

  4. It’s easy to be judgemental when you’ve never been placed in the situation that you’re casting judgement on.

    It’s easy to be morally superior when nothing in your life has forced you into morally ambiguous circumstances that you have to deal with.

    People who make black and white assertions about life are unlikely to have anything useful to offer the rest of us who live in the world of colours and shades.

  5. Her post was a blanket statement. It can’t be true for everyone. Don’t be so hard on yourself. This has to be an emotional time, try to focus on the good before digging into the tough stuff. Some things can’t be fixed, sometimes you need a little joy to get through and sometimes you fall in love. Every story is different. Hugs

  6. Thank you for linking to that. I think she does a really good job of painting a picture of how much history marriages have and how complicated a relationship is. I don’t really think the point is to make you feel like crap, but just to put into perspective another side of things that you possibly didn’t consider at the time.

    You are really going through a tough time right now. Please try to be gentle with yourself. You have worth. You are strong. You are human. Mistakes happen, but they don’t define us as people. You are so much more than a former OW. Remember to give yourself credit for all of the good things, too.

    • Good link . It speaks truth to many of us entangled in affair aftermath. I sure wish the OW in our triangle could read it.
      About you being a piece of shit…have you ever felt like that before? You’ve defended your love for the OM many times here. Why the “shitty” feeling now? Because of someone else’s story? Another’s Point of view?
      About the tears…Remorse is good for the soul. But, regret, while sometimes healing, can be debilitating if left to fester. EVERYONE makes mistakes. Some are bigger than others. The key is learning from the mistakes and make better choices as you move forward.
      What’s the rule? Love the sinner, hate the sin, right?
      Cut yourself a break. Your situation has been brutal.
      What you DID was shitty, but you’re not a piece of shit.
      I think the fact that you believe you are proves otherwise.
      http://ayearaftertheaffair.blogspot.com/

  7. I agree with TT above; you will encounter a thousand different stories here, and none will tell yours the way you truly know it to be. We are all writing from a bias, all trying to figure out what happened ‘to me’. Be wary of anyone who reduces the human experience to a few assured statements (judgements) … trust what YOU know to be true xx

  8. I don’t like that post. I haven’t really been the OW as my affair partner is single but I still have/had an affair so I know what I’m talking about – and I do not like it. I understand *why* it was written like that, but what I dislike is writing in a seemingly calm tone, when the message is clearly insulting. This is a manipulation I resent.
    Don’t be hard on yourself. Not every affair (certainly not yours) is purely to have sex on someone’s car (what a derogatory statement anyway?!)

  9. “People who make black and white assertions about life are unlikely to have anything useful to offer the rest of us who live in the world of colours and shades” …. ain’t that the truth!!

    There is nothing wrong with you. And you aren’t a piece of shit. People fuck up. And while everyone is entitled to their own opinions, there are two sides to every story.. and in your case… four sides. All of them contributing to the situation. It’s not a matter of justification. It’s a matter of reality. Things happen, and the only thing we can do is choose the next step we take. You ARE.. and HAVE BEEN trying to make things work for much longer than most people would in your situation. Just keep that part in mind when you start to feel the guilt taking over.

  10. This post is exactly what a betrayed wife wants an ow to feel like. I love your insight though and as a betrayed wife I don’t harbour any of those feelings toward you. You are human and you made a mistake, years before I was married I made the same mistake. I, in my moment of anger and hurt, wrote a similar letter to my husband’s ow. I do not regret it but I think this blog should’ve been addressed to the ow, not all of them. You seem like a beautiful person so do not let anyone else’s anger be directly pointed at you. She was out of line thinking she didn’t have a hand in her husband’s affair. It took a lot of soul searching to realize I was part of the problem in my husband’s affair. That doesn’t excuse him and had he addressed his issues at home, I could’ve worked harder to offer what he needed. Just don’t let this get you down, you are worthy of a happy life, a happy marriage, and make this a lesson learned. Hugs:-)

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