This picture hit me. Plucked that heartstring. Caused that heartstring to vibrate to my inner core. Why you may ask? This exact type of touching occurred all the time with HIM and I. Simple. Relaxed. Casual. Slight. Erotic. Okay so some of you see an index finger and think Erotic? Really? That one finger, one trace, one slight, light suggestion immediately caused me to bite my lip and caused my pulse to be found in other areas of my body. It caused anxiety and total calmness to occur at the same time. It caused my peripheral vision to disappear. Caused everything on my mind to go blank. Everything surrounding me would disappear. Sound went away. My focus landed on breathing and my heartbeat. I love that ‘things’ starting with HIM was never stripping or anything that had any sort of effort. It started as simple as a touch. It made me realize that when couples talk about or argue about foreplay to ‘get each other in the mood’ I didn’t have that with him. Not that we didn’t ‘play’ just we didn’t have to ‘work’ or ‘play’ to become aroused. Just being touched by him sent me there.
I don’t think it had anything to do with the excitement of an affair, the ‘possibility’ to be caught. Even that went away. We were relaxed. Serious. Funny. Real. Raw. Truthful and realistic. No expectations of where it would ever go and Loving where it always went. Sometimes sex would happen and sometimes it wouldn’t. Either way we had an awesome time. The conversations we had I loved. I felt like he held me and my attention in a conversation. I felt like I was having a intelligent conversation. I know that sounds horrible, but with my husband I can’t say the same thing. My husband would always say things like, uh huh. Yep. I see. One word answers or understandings. HE would talk to me. Comment back. In ways that made me think, and get this, talk more. Before I knew it it would be late and all we had done was talked. I love that. This two or three hour conversation laying in his lap in a limo with him playing with my hair. I think that is what I miss. Do not get me wrong, the sex was amazing and better than I have ever had, but I miss the friendship, the conversation. The feeling like someone WANTED to hear what I had to say. Someone who might talk to me to get me to see another side verses telling me I’m wrong. It just goes back to that respect thing. Just found myself thinking after seeing this one picture. Touches that he was so good at doing. Under tables. In dim lit limo’s in the most beautiful locations. At baseball games. I remember one time that comes to mind. We had gone to a baseball game, his family and mine. After the game we came back to my house and made dinner. Simple burgers and hot dogs. After dinner we played catch, (the baseball thing kind of played a roll in starting this). Anyway my son got his glove and mine and asked me to play catch. Well HE had his baseball glove in the car because he had taken it to the game to catch a fly ball. So HE goes out to get his glove. He comes back and my son, HIM and I are playing catch in this triangle. Soon my sons friends shows up so my son decides he is done playing catch. We, (he and I) are still throwing the ball back and forth. His wife is sitting on the deck with all the girls and we only threw the ball once or twice more because my son had stopped. He walked over to me after he caught the ball. His back to his wife he hands me the ball and says “Hey, thanks, that was fun!” As he put the ball in my glove he took that paralyzing index finger and ran it down my forearm. I know it sounds lame. I know it sounds like high school. But He made me so aware of the way things felt. At that moment sound faded, everything around me was gone. Only brought back by one second later, the ball plopping in my glove.
That is what I miss. His ability to seriously move me to forgetting what is around me with just one touch. If even for a split second.