Tell me what to do and how to do it.
Tell me to wait for my husband to get better.
Tell me to walk away from him and divorce him.
Tell me to wait forever in a situation that will never change.
Tell me to pick up the phone and call HIM.
Tell me to move on with my life alone but not get divorced.
Tell me what the fuck to do because I just don’t know anymore.
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I’ll tell you what to do:
Don’t worry about making any of those decisions right now. Just focus on doing things that make YOU happy.
((HUG))
Wendy
I feel so selfish in doing that Wendy. 😦 I love my husband, I miss him. But he has become this man that isn’t my husband. It is so complicated. More so than what I write about….
This time you are not being selfish. You have given him too many chances and it’s only hurting you more in the end. Sometimes letting go is the better option, it may hurt in the beginning but look at how much you have been hurt already. We can’t tell you what to do, but I know I’m encouraging you to do what YOU think is best for you! And I hope you make the choice to be “selfish” and take care of yourself this time.
Oh, I am very sure. I am an addict as well (9.5 years clean), so I know what he is going through and I know what he is putting YOU through. I did a lot of things that I would never have done without drugs, but they were so much more important than anything because they were an instant solution to any problem I had. Enduring the pain any other way was just absurd when I had some powder that I could just snort and relieve of my self instantly. I felt stupid to do things any other way. Then I got tired of living that life. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I’m thinking of you. ❤
😦 and is it fair that someone in that position loose everything? When it is something they have NO control over making them act a certain way or do certain things? It breaks my heart for my husband and it is why I have tried time and time again and waited forever…
I want my husband back.
It most certainly is not fair, but he can’t appropriately make amends to you until he has hit rock bottom. That could be either before or after he loses you. THAT CHOICE is up to you. You have to ask yourself what is your bottom? You have to decide when you feel there is no hope in recovery and if there is, how long do you wait for him to be serious about it? It may never happen.
Ultimately, he has to hit bottom before he can decide where to go. And sometimes bottom is dying and there are no more chances. It’s a very sad disease to deal with. Standing on the outside looking in it’s much easier for us to see how easy the decision is to make to get better and choose life and love over drugs. But for an addict, it is extremely difficult. The environment really has to be set up for them to feel like they’ve lost everything. And they have to WANT to get better.
And don’t feel selfish. You are worth it.
Sometimes being selfish isn’t bad, it’s necessary. It isn’t selfish to put your mask on first in an airplane crash, it’s the only way to save yourself AND your child. Same concept applies here.
I don’t think you need to DO anything right now. Is there a reason you have to decide on anything right this moment? Or are you able to take some time to let your heart and mind catch up with each other? (((HUGS)))
Do what makes you feel right. I think I told you my sister’s story. She was exactly where you are now, 18 years ago. She made it and she is the most down to earth and sensible person I know. I trust her advice when it comes to how to live and make the choices that we must to carry on. Dont put your life on hold youve already tried that and did it make you feel good? The future is no doubt unfolding as it should.
You are on the edge of a cliff. I agree with Wendy….take a deep breath. Take a nap. Take a break from decisions.
You make me want a twitter account. I just can’t.
you could have a twitter account just to follow people, you don’t have to tweet.
I agree with Wendy
Not that I am comparing our situations as they are incomparable IMO but what I will say is there will be a turning point. The recent event may change your husband but unfortunately for you to find that is out you need to stand by him again and going by his track record it doesn’t look promising and he’ll only let you down again.
My turning point: My wife said recently to me that if she hasn’t been in the car accident back in march where I stood by her at the hospital instead of going to the wedding we were meant to be at. Then the separation would have been permanent but she feels it brought us back together.
I don’t buy into that if I’m honest as you’ll know from my blog and what I got up to in the months following but I guess what I am trying to say is you just never know.
Said it before, take time to breath, for your kids for yourself and let every one else take care of their own business. Just let things fall into or out of place. Alot of times we worry about stuff that we don’t have to because it worked itself out.
This is way too complex for any one of us to advise with certainty. You have to evaluate this is in your own heart – would you be more happy on your own, but at least able to move on and build your life maybe with someone else in the future? Or happier waiting for your husband who may never recover?
I was once the other woman, horrible position to be in.
I became depressed and then it finally made me realise I had to do what made me happy.
It sounds such a hard thing to do, but if you’re not happy, you can’t make anyone else happy
Much love.
Wouldn’t it be so much easier if our lives came with a manual? Maybe one like those books they had when I was a kid. You’d get to a certain part and you had a choice–if you want to A, then turn to page 20 to continue your story…if you want to B, then turn to page 40 to continue your story. I loved those books because you could choose A, but if you flipped the page and didn’t like it, you could always go to B. Everything was laid out, you always had options.
Yeah…I think you’ve just inspired my next blog post. 🙂 Thank you.
Aside from that random tangent…you are so right. If you’re not happy, you can’t make anyone else happy. It’s so hard to take out others from that equation though and figure out what makes you happy.
I REMEMBER THOSE BOOKS! I loved them! How I would love for my kids to read them now lol! Thank you for reading my blog and for your comments. They always make me think. 😀