Right or wrong.

My sister in law said all my husband is doing at his moms house is laying around taking one day at a time, crying a lot and really talking to his Uncle.  I guess he is on facebook looking at my page a lot she said.   I decided to change my cover photo to a pic of my husband and I a long time ago when days were good.   I don’t know if that is right or wrong but I don’t want him to think I’ve moved on.   I want him to know I am upset enough for him NOT to be here (home), but I don’t want him wanting to give in to his addiction because he thinks I’ve walked away for good.    We will see.

My weekend away was nice.  IT WAS SOOOOO COLD THERE.   We had a good time though.  🙂  Glad I got a break.    I feel like my house is a bomb which stresses me out, (Yes I have OCD) but I expected to come back to that.  I don’t know many people that can watch four kids and keep everything up to par on being clean and straightened.  I just feel overwhelmed now at what all needs to be done.     So I better get to it….

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9 thoughts on “Right or wrong.

  1. You have a family you don’t have to have nor can you have a spotless house. A better home is one that looks lived in, that a family lives there….I hate the ‘out of ikea’ houses that have nothing personal on display……you have a house that has a lot of love in it and that’s whats on display even if to you it looks a mess…..until the kids are older, you wont have the perfect tidy home that your OCD thinks you should have. So don’t give in to it. Have a home where it shows you are a family unit and that the kids are allowed to play in……it’s much better.

  2. I am always so impressed by you. The strength of your spirit is nothing short of amazing. Your heart aches for someone you can’t have. You have to single-handedly take care of four kids. And you still find it in your heart to wait and hope for your husband. Can I hug you, please? x

  3. I’m not sure how I missed all of the recent posts in my feed, but I did.

    I think it’s good that you want him to know that you haven’t moved on, but at the same time, maybe he needs that. Perhaps you need to be more direct with him about it. Tell him that you aren’t looking for anyone else, but that you have to live your life. That you can’t constantly worry about what he is doing and what decisions he is making. I would let him know that you do still love him and want so much to be with him, but not this way. He can’t yo-yo in and out of your life. Tell him that when he seriously decides to get clean and stay clean that you can re-evaluate having a relationship. And that you won’t be so quick to accept him back this time. Let him know that you are serious about how much work he has to do to be a part of your life.

    This will help to show him what his bottom may look like. Don’t try to have control over his addiction. If all of this makes him go and use, then he isn’t ready. He needs to be in a place mentally to want recovery so much worse than he wants the drugs.

    I am thinking of you. I know it is very tough and trying on you as a person, but as you said, you have to take care of yourself and focus on your life. Moving forward does not mean that you are dropping everything and everyone from your past, it just means that you realize that you are so much more important and you aren’t willing to sacrifice any more of your precious time focusing on things that no longer serve to benefit you.

  4. I read this yesterday and couldn’t comment yet.

    First, HUGE hugs. I think you’re strong and amazing. You chose your kids and you and health over his addiction and you needed to. He can’t continue to be allowed to drag you down his sprial. It’s not fair to you. He has to make the choice to get help…or not. That is up to him.

    If you’re reado to move on, don’t give him false hope. If he does choose to go further down the bunny hole, that’s his choice. You have no control over that. And dangling a carrot in front of him won’t make him choose sobriety either.

    It does suck. Absolutely. And you have every right to be furious. Make boundaries and stick to them. And then love and hug your babies and take time for you. You need to focus on YOU so you don’t get dragged down any further.

    And…remember, don’t call HIM. I know you need the support, but it can’t come from HIM.

    You need time to find YOU.

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