You know what I don’t understand?

I don’t understand why if I love my husband, and I want things to be right with him, and I have accepted to let HIM go and move on, then why can I not get HIM out of my head.  I feel like I will never be happy again like I was with HIM.  I mean really, I was SOOOO happy all the time when I was with him or talking to him.  I haven’t felt that happy since.  WTF?!?!  It really is starting to bother me.   I don’t understand how the grey can be so complicated.  It would seem as though it should be simple.   Black and White doesn’t exist here.


12 thoughts on “You know what I don’t understand?

  1. Well… it’s natural. It is *exactly* how it feels. The affair gives you so many fantastic feelings, and they are never what a true relationship is, with every day struggles. It is natural your heart and mind will crave for it. Mine are too, even though things are really good at home.
    I was once told by a very smart person, that the time to recover is directly proportional to the force of the feeling. And it was a powerful one for you.

  2. Because you had a taste of what you COULD have and you – mentally, physically, emotionally – want to reject anything less than that. You just have to convince yourself that you aren’t settling for worse, but that things are rough on their way to getting better. And better doesn’t mean that you will ALWAYS be with your husband. You aren’t committed to forever with him at this point; you are just committed to trying to make this work. 😉

  3. It sounds like you are in a position a little bit like mine. I am mourning the man I married, not the man I divorced. The man I married was kind, caring, compassionate, and was going to be an amazing father. The man I divorced was (is) verbally abusive to his kids, manipulative, and an alcoholic. The man I married left 7 years ago, and I’ve been left with this stranger who kind of looks like him for the past 7 years. I divorced the stranger and am happy about that, but I still miss the man I married.

    • exactly. My husband has just become someone different… I’m so sad missing who I married. And then leave it to me to fall in love with someone I can’t have, who loved me perfectly while it lasted…. uggg.

      • Falling in love again, although it may not always work out, at least shows it’s capable of happening. That’s where I’m at now. New love, amazing feeling, but I also realize if it doesn’t last like I hope, I’ve learned more about what I want and what I’m looking for.

    • this has to be one of the most profound comments, that perfectly sums up the reason why relationships end. missing the person you married seems so simple and so powerful…the dreams you had for the marriage taken over by the reality of how it was. regretting the necessity of moving on. thank you .. its given me a new path to look down and eventually write about.

  4. It’s always the darn gray area isn’t it?! I feel like I live there sometimes as I’m constantly torn b/t things. I think you are doing great by taking your time and sorting through these thoughts of yours. Do you think you could be happy with HIM if you decided to give it a real shot? Or were you so happy because you had the best part of any relationship, and not the troubles/ups and downs of a *normal* one? (Now, perhaps you did experience many of those ups and downs and I just don’t know about it!) It was just a thought I had. I know sometimes you/we aren’t looking for advice but want nothing more than to just vent! 🙂

    • I think I was venting. I do however think that if HE and I had a relationship we would have the normal issues every other relationship has because it would be normal then. I think because we were each others ‘away’ or ‘break’ we didn’t ever have to deal with every day drama. So who knows. All I know is I think if my husband does kick this addiction that he will still be someone completely different than who I married.

  5. I feel the exact same way… so very much. You took words out my mind and wrote them on your blog. I don’t know what the answer is. I guess we are just flawed people, well that’s how I feel. I’ll speak for myself only. I want to and try to get it together, but I can’t seem to put all the pieces back… I have everything I could want in life, why can’t I be happy without “HIM”? What magical power does he possess over me? I really want to be free. To move forward. I try, so hard…

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