At times, it was a dance. Who am I kidding? It still is.

I danced around a lot.

Danced around my unhappiness.

Danced around being alone.

Danced around the obvious problems my husband had.

Danced around the fact I was a wife at home alone, a LOT.

Danced around the truth with friends as to why I was so happy after I found him.

Danced around questions from my husband about the same happiness.

Danced around, (literally) at how I felt over him.

Danced around his wife to distract her from my glances at her husband.

Danced around the obvious as to what I was doing.

Danced around the truth.

Danced around the fact that we were both married.

Danced around acknowledging I was doing something wrong.

Even now, I am still dancing.

Dancing around the fact that I have fallen in love, and am still in love with someone I shouldn’t be.

I’m tired of dancing.

I wish I could sit this one out.   However, to sit it out, my heart would have to be ripped from my chest.

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7 thoughts on “At times, it was a dance. Who am I kidding? It still is.

  1. As I see it, all affairs end. It is going to end. One way or another, it will evolve until your affair changes to an ending, your marriage ends or something else happens. Whatever it is, whenever it happens, someone is going to get hurt. Have you thought about who it is going to be?
    Right now it is your choice who it will be.
    If discovery happens, you have no choice.
    Who do you want it to be?

    • Discovery has already occurred. I also think we are all hurting. My affair partner because he has realized his marriage is over and he loves both his wife and I, my husband because he feels like my affair AND our marriage failing is his fault, me because I feel torn between love and want and love and what is right, and his wife because her marriage is ending and her husband had an affair.

      • I don’t know. I wish it was as simple as it sounds when you blog… or when you write… or when you comment to someone. It is SOOO not simple. I just feel like my husband is sick. And though his actions were his fault, (taking the pills) his addiction is a sickness and isn’t his fault… and I said in sickness and in health… but how long do we keep trying? He has done amazingly lately… I just don’t know if I can find that unawkward love now… this many years later.

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