Interesting. This is what I am thinking about today…
If my husband, HIM and myself were all in a room what would I do, what would I say, how would I act? Who would I look at? Who would I talk to FIRST? Who would I be sad for? Who would I ache for? Who’s stare would pull me in? Would I be holding my breath or breathing quickly? Would I feel cold or feel hot from a nervous sweat? Would I be shaking?
This is how I feel in life every single day. Like I care so much about both of these men but can’t bring myself to hurt either.
I truly think I’d tear up and cover my mouth speechless and then cover my heart so it wouldn’t jump out of my chest. I’d tell them I love them both. Because I do, I wouldn’t be lying. I love them both so much in different ways.
Want to know whats fucked up?
My birthday was a couple of weeks ago and I got flowers delivered with a card that read “I will love you forever. Through the good and the bad” and I have no idea who sent them. Did I thank anyone? No. Did anyone mention them?
I just wish this rocky boat would flip over already.
My husband is doing awesome. I see his effort. I care about him so much… but my feelings have just changed through all the lies, stealing, pills, trust is so huge.
And as far as HE goes… all has gone quiet again, he is respecting me. But he comes and goes as you all know. It pulls at my soul. That sounds dramatic, but that is how it feels.