If the three of us were in a room alone what would I do?

Interesting.   This is what I am thinking about today…

If my husband, HIM and myself were all in a room what would I do, what would I say, how would I act?  Who would I look at?  Who would I talk to FIRST?  Who would I be sad for?  Who would I ache for?  Who’s stare would pull me in?  Would I be holding my breath or breathing quickly?  Would I feel cold or feel hot from a nervous sweat?  Would I be shaking?

This is how I feel in life every single day.  Like I care so much about both of these men but can’t bring myself to hurt either.

 

I truly think I’d tear up and cover my mouth speechless and then cover my heart so it wouldn’t jump out of my chest.   I’d tell them I love them both.  Because I do, I wouldn’t be lying.    I love them both so much in different ways.

Want to know whats fucked up?

My birthday was a couple of weeks ago and I got flowers delivered with a card that read “I will love you forever.  Through the good and the bad” and I have no idea who sent them.  Did I thank anyone?  No.  Did anyone mention them?

I just wish this rocky boat would flip over already.

My husband is doing awesome.  I see his effort.  I care about him so much… but my feelings have just changed through all the lies, stealing, pills, trust is so huge.

And as far as HE goes… all has gone quiet again, he is respecting me.  But he comes and goes as you all know.  It pulls at my soul.   That sounds dramatic, but that is how it feels.

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6 thoughts on “If the three of us were in a room alone what would I do?

  1. Good what if question!! Not to toxic to think about for me.
    If the three of us were in a room assuming everyone was aware of my affair…and it was say shortly after Dday :
    Hmmmm my wife might have gotten violent. Probably toward me. I would have to leave. Before Dday my wife would have probably realized with her sixth sense that there was more than friendship between us.

    What do you think the two men would be doing? Respectfully, waiting for you to choose perhaps. If I was one of them I’d probably leave the ball in your court as long as the other did the same. I just don’t think my wife could leave the ball in my court.

    • It’s been on my mind. I think I am trying to think about others having to HELP in this problem. I just realized things change, people change and I can’t make myself love my husband again if there is no feeling there other than the feeling of feeling sorry for him and everything we lost. Its just so complicated.

      • THIS is one of the most important comments EVERY man needs to read and take to heart…. “I can’t make myself love my husband again if there is no feeling there other than the feeling of feeling sorry for him and everything we lost”. ….There comes a point when you become emotionally divorced, even though you may still share a house and a family. When this happens, it simply doesn’t matter how hard he tries. Its like throwing a cup full of water at a time, onto the cold ashes of a burned down barn. It doesn’t matter how many glasses you pour, it will not make a difference to what happened and it has no impact other than to make you feel sorry for the efforts that mean nothing. Its not complicated..he broke your heart and you moved on….you miss what you should have had, the future that could have been yours. Its so sad your husband found out too late, what he could have had with you…

    • no one has owned up to them, or mentioned them. I think HE would have told me they were from him. Where maybe my husband wouldn’t have to say they were from him being that he is the only person I SHOULD be getting flowers from.

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