“If someone you knew, (but weren’t real close to), knew you had an affair and asked you why you did it what would you say?”
This was the title of HIS email to me last week.
He said he would tell them this:
“The reason I made the choice to have an affair was I felt that my needs weren’t being met either emotionally, socially, or sexually. At the time (and even still), I felt like I was married to a woman who couldn’t care less about me. With that being said, she neglected to fulfill my needs, but still expected her needs to be fulfilled. The woman I had the affair with (you), not only filled the areas that my wife lacked, but even left them over-flowing. Her (you) and I connected on levels that I never have with anyone else before in my life.
What I would tell someone:
I truly didn’t think I’d ever have an affair. I thought that In feeling very alone and ‘forgotten’ in my marriage and well ‘second’ to a stupid band and his drinking and pill use that I needed to talk to someone. Male or female I didn’t care I just wanted to talk to someone in my same boat. Someone I could talk badly about my husband to because I was that mad and that hurt and felt well, THAT forgotten. I wanted to have them not judge me and if anything else, understand. I would tell them that it comes with both good and bad and sometimes, (as in my case), love. I never thought it would get complicated and it did. I never thought everyone would find out and they did. I never thought I’d love this person and I did. I never thought I would be devastated when it was ‘over’ and I was. I never thought I’d see him in everything, and I do. I never thought I’d think about him all the time, day and night and I do. It wasn’t just one thing. It was everything. His laugh, his taste in music, his love of sports, his smile, the way he dressed, the way he smelled, they way he was patriotic, the way he respected my opinion even if we didn’t agree. The way we could hold a conversation for hours and have fun just doing that. The way his emails touched me. The ways his stories from growing up hit home. The way I slowly fell for a total stranger. I loved that I never felt rushed to do anything, neither one of us were in a hurry. I loved that we really thought about what we were doing. I loved that for the first time ever I felt like someone made time for me and wanted to be with me, and that I mattered. He made me feel equal to him. Important to him. Wanted. Needed even. He made me feel like he had looked forward to talking to me. He made me feel like he wanted to hear what I had to say. Liked what I was doing. I always left with wanting to know when I’d see him again. Never had I loved anyone that I wanted to be with all the time. He had a good heart and he let me see it. Every time anything went wrong at home this man would pop into my head and make me smile. It made dealing with the ‘shit’ easier knowing someone out there loved me.
I was so happy that year and a half.