I feel like regardless of your affair, you have most likely given everything TRUE(for many years) TRUE to try and fix and keep your marriage TRUE. You didn’t enter into the affair simply b/c you were bored.TRUE I think you (and myself actually) fall into that category where the woman is already done TRUE, to be able to even go there TRUE. I know that while I am still married, I truly felt and feel that I am done ME TOO. I have spent a decade trying to fix “us” ME TOO and to get my husband the help he needs ME TOO. (emotional abuser). I would NEVER have allowed myself to go where I did, ME EITHER had I not felt as if my marriage was over ME EITHER. I still don’t want it to be, YEP but only b/c of my kids YES BUT FOR MY HEART TOO. (much like you.) But I have been in therapy for quite some time ME TOO and have a firm understanding of psychology I HOLD A DEGREE IN THIS and know in my heart that my children would be fine in a two household family, with two parents who were happy and not just going through the motions. MINE WOULD BE TOO. We do not fight. US EITHER. We don’t do anything. NEITHER DO WE. We don’t even fake it. NOPE. WHY FAKE? We just co-exist. I KNOW CO EXISTING ALL TOO WELL. There is no way my children don’t feel the coldness. ITS BECOME THEIR NORMAL. THATS WHY I MADE HIM MOVE OUT. So who is really being saved here? NO IDEA. Me? NO. Or them? 😦 NOT SURE. I like to tell myself that I am staying FOR THEM. THIS IS WHAT I FEEL ABOUT NOT DIVORCING HIM. But the truth is that I am not yet ready to go out on my own. SCARY TRUE. I am afraid. YES. TO BE ALONE, AND HIM TO KILL HIMSELF, BECAUSE HE IS ALONE AND DEPRESSED WITHOUT ME/US. I have been out of the work force for quite some time and I am afraid that I am not strong enough. I AM A LITTLE DIFFERENT HERE… I OWN MY OWN BUSINESS AND WORK FROM HOME. And MY situation has nothing to do with my former affair partner. UGG. I’M NOT SURE IF MINE DOES OR NOT. MY EMOTIONS ARE TORN BECAUSE OF MY AFFAIR PARTNER. I KNOW NOW THAT I COULD BE HAPPY IN A DIFFERENT RELATIONSHIP. Although if he were going through a divorce and I KNEW in my heart that my marriage was over, I would not hesitate to be with him. ME EITHER. I would welcome it. ME TOO. I understand that you want to be clear headed, YES PLEASE. but you already are honey. I THINK I AM BUT I WISH I FELT LIKE I WAS. You were when you entered into your affair. FOR SURE. You probably knew that your marriage was over YES BUT HE WASN’T INVOLVED IN OUR LIVES AT ALL… HE WAS IN THAT BAND.. TRAVELING AND LOVING HIS OWN SELFISH LIFE on a deep level, even if you weren’t ready to face it. TRUE. But as the “mother” we cannot allow ourselves to think that our happiness and fulfillment should come before our children’s well being. VERY VERY VERY TRUE! Your children have an unhealthy father and a sad mother. YEP. Please do not delete your email. I CAN’T, I DON’T WANT TO, I CAN’T LET GO OF MY GREATEST LOVE. I SHARED MORE WITH HIM THAN ANONE AND HE KNOWS ALL OF ME. MORE THAN MY HUSBAND KNOWS I THINK. You have the strength to do this on your own, I WISH I FELT THAT WAY even with contact. SCARY This divorce is NOT about your affair, NOT AT ALL but about your failed marriage. TRUE. You KNOW this already. I DO. But the guilt is still there. YES IT IS. Please forgive yourself. UGG. Please move forward for you. TRYING. And if in time, you end up with the love of your life, let it be. TEARS STARTING. Let it be what it is. 😦 Meant to be. In my opinion anyway. I’M THANKFUL FOR YOUR OPINION. And I’m not some young, dumb, immoral person. I NEVER THOUGHT THAT FOR A MOMENT. I have lived and learned. And I should have the courage to leave my marriage for the right reasons too. But I don’t yet. IT JUST MEANS YOU ARE NOT READY, IT DOESN’T MEAN YOU LACK COURAGE. So please don’t feel bad. I’LL TRY. Do what you need to do for YOU WHY DOES THIS SEEM SO SELFISH? and your children ALWAYS! and let the rest fall into place. I’LL TRY BUT I HAVE SUCH A HARD TIME JUST GIVING UP CONTROL.