Took my youngest two to see Santa.


It was so cute.  They were so cute.  My son, (the youngest child) just looked at Santa speechless and with wonder.  His eyes were huge.  My son was captivated.  My daughter spoke a million miles a minute.  She was so excited.  She for sure did enough of the talking for BOTH of them.   I stood back and watched and let them both have their minute.

A bunch of thoughts went through my head.  Thinking of being a kid at Christmas.   The excitement.   Thinking about how all this get up, the lights, the man in the suit, the beard the annoying little elves helping, (do only bitchy women apply for this job), the music and the over priced pictures and the crowed of stressed out parents, babies crying and kids demanding their wishes is all forgotten the second you see your child look at him.   I miss that magic.  I miss that excitement.  I miss that REASON in life to imagine and believe.

So I paid $14.00 (SHIT) for a Polaroid of my kids sitting on the lap of a (surprisingly) very real looking Santa.  To have them come running to me in total excitement.  My youngest said I saw Santa and ___________ (my daughters name) told him what I wanted.  I asked him why HE didn’t tell Santa what he wanted and he said his “words were stuck”  how cute.

My daughter just then pulled on my sleeve and pulled me down to her tiny face.  She pushed my hair behind my ear and whispered in my ear, “I told Santa I want daddy to be home more”.


Tears filled my eyes.

Fucking pills.

Damn affairs and broken hearts.

My child has given up any and all desire for a gift that a normal seven year old girl would want.  A pony.  A Justin Beiber CD, an iPod, and has asked for the one thing that a CHILD should never have to ask for.

My poor, broken baby girl.


12 thoughts on “Took my youngest two to see Santa.

  1. I became a single father with my two children (5 and 12) when I turned 40, and while it was hard knowing the kids didn’t completely understand why (maybe some day I’ll explain it to them), I kept telling myself that living in an unhealthy relationship was more damaging to them than learning to deal with the changes in our lives. I want them to grow up knowing and experiencing a loving relationship, and to be able to recognize what two people who love and respect each other is like. Four years ago, I married that person — someone who I see the world through with fresh eyes and appreciation each day because we see it together. What we share is something I pray our children (we are a blended family, two boys and two girls) will each grow up to have. Knowing and feeling that has reassured me that the tough decision was the right decision — and that the love my wife and I share is explanation enough for now. You write beautifully and think honestly. Thoughtfully. Key ingredients you and your children can count on to get you through.

      • BTW, on your blog which widget is it that shows pictures of your followers. I can’t seem to find that widget. The one that you labeled: People who shouldn’t but read this blog anyway? Just curious, I’ve found the one where it shows who I follow but not one of the people who follow me. 🙂 Thanks

      • I just discovered it myself a few days ago. It’s the “My Community” widget. Place it where you’d like, and it will give you a drop-down window with options of what to show, size, etc. I’m one of the most technologically challenged people on the planet, so this was a great achievement for me! Right up there with finding the “post” button — Enjoy 🙂

  2. I feel your pain. I left my husband for my girlfriend and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. I ended up back at home for my kiddos. They just couldn’t understand. She and I will have our day in the sun eventually.

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