Sorry. My life has been up and down. Whats new? I think that is why I haven’t been blogging. You guys have to be tired of hearing the same stories over and over again. I just keep saying the same things, I love my husband, his addiction to pills is stronger than his love for me. But I love him. He tries but again and again he fails. Oh and lets not forget the continued rambling of how I miss HIM (the other man), and how happy I WAS and how he has been emailing me. Maybe his emails will start to be what I blog about… I don’t want to get boring.
So I was sick, you all know this. My husband stepped up. Took care of the kids made me soup, bought me orange juice I did not get out of bed for four days I think… (funny thing I can’t remember my days and nights, they all blended together)…. geesh! I had a Christmas Present from one of my clients to have dinner at his restaurant, (a really nice place) and by that evening I felt a little better and we had to use the dinner that night. So to show my appreciation to my husband for stepping up, (and boy did he ever step up, we went to this dinner. Five course meal, beautiful presentation, so much food. It was crazy. I felt great during dinner… walking back to the car because the restaurant was downtown, it hit me. I didn’t feel sick but my energy was gone. I went from fine to exhausted. I wanted to sit down and have him just go get the car, it was only another half a block away. I said, “I knew I shouldn’t have done this, it was just too much too soon. I barely made it to my car, my husband drove us home and I went straight to bed, only to be awoken a half hour later by my daughter vomiting. Great. Poor baby and I can’t even get out of bed. I managed to get up and walked up to my husband dealing with it and I just started crying. I was so sick I couldn’t even be a mom. I instantly grabbed my head it was throbbing and I had a fever. My husband starts the shower, puts my daughter in and I go to take my meds and realize the bottle (tiny keychain thing) that I keep two pain pills in for an emergency is empty. I wasn’t going to take a pain pill, but I moved that container to get to my Advil bottle in my purse. I went from sick to livid and crying made it worse. A great night ended with vomit, missing pills and tears and being let down again. He knew instantly when I said you’ve got to be fucking kidding me. His head fell. How many times? This is like ten? Who is the stupid one by this point. I was so angry. Sunday I got up (he had slept on the couch because I locked my bedroom door and had turned on the monitor to my kids’ rooms) and out of being stubborn I acted like I was fine but I was one hurting unit. I was still sick. Sunday my son started throwing up that day. The entire time I was sick I didn’t have a stomach bug I only had the flu and strep. But low and behold, Tuesday I got the stomach part of it. O.M.G. I am sick of being sick. Its all over the today show and news how bad the flu is… they are calling it a national emergency. Well let me tell you what. IT IS NOT FUN… it is so bad. Flu is always bad but I have never been that sick. So I’m just getting to where I feel good. I still tire easily like around four pm. The time of day where my body just says, “Okay you need to stop, you are still getting better.” I’m trying to listen to my body but it is so hard.
To make all of this worse. I open my email, (you know the one I can’t bring myself to delete), to an email that says two things:
I miss you so much, you are in my head constantly.
I am going out of town for four days for work. I wish you could come with me.