I slid the hotel card into the door.
The little light turned green and the lock clicked.
I opened the door and put the Valentines Day Card and chocolate on the bed looked at the beautiful room and turned and walked out. I rented the room for two days with a late check out. I knew he would get to the room first because I had to take my kids to school and I wanted to leave him a surprise for Valentines Day. I left a second key for him at the front desk.
I went shopping. All I could think about was my ‘next day’. I was SO excited. He sent me cute little texts and emails saying he was looking forward to meeting me. I will never forget I found a scarf that I loved. It was yellow. I found this grey sweater-vest that was long and matched my grey boots perfectly. It was amazing to me how good I felt. I felt physically good. Emotionally good. I felt like I looked good. I was glowing almost. A emotional state that I hadn’t felt in a LONG time. I knew what I was doing was wrong. More so for him than I being that my husband had been MIA for nearly two years. I had talked to him for almost a year at this point and had been seeing him for about four or five months.
The morning came. I was excited, nervous, scared, anxious, happy… I felt sooo many emotions.
I entered the hotel and walked to the elevator. The huge copper colored doors opened to mirrors on all sides and I stepped in. I remember thinking the weightless feeling of being in an elevator is how my stomach felt without the elevator…. I knew he was in the building. The elevator came to a stop and the doors parted. A sunlit area was before me. I retraced my path from yesterday and went straight to the door. I found it cracked and butterflies flew from my stomach to my throat. He stood up from the chair when I walked in and walked up to me. He said hi and I think I melted into a pile of nothing on the floor. He grabbed my scarf and kissed me. I saw the opened card on the bed. Thats it. Kissing started, touching began, clothes were removed, sheets were pulled down, skin was felt, nothing was awkward, everything was meaningful. Phones were shut off.
It wasn’t sex. It wasn’t fucking. It was intimate. It was sharing something with someone that you’d been close to for almost a year now. It was sharing something with someone that knew how much you were hurting in life. Sharing something with someone who had been forgotten at home too. Sharing something with someone that wanted to share everything with you. Those eight hours went so fast. I still think about it and other than having room service bring us lunch, we didn’t do anything but pay attention to each other. Later that evening when he left I just laid there. My mom had gotten my kids and had planned on keeping them. That bed was full hours earlier yet so big and empty when it was just me. I had the windows open to the most beautiful sunset and city lights. I laid in that bed for hours. The pillow he laid on still smelled like him, (I wanted to take it home so bad lol). I knew I loved him. At this moment. I loved him.
As far as my husband goes…. sit down…. that post will be coming soon. Talk about a lot going on…. GEESH.