Now before you judge me….

If you were hurting this badly, and you met someone in their marriage hurting just as badly, and you did nothing but talk for six months and come to love this person… could you keep from making a terrible mistake?  I was so sad.  I was so down, and in this nightmare, this life of mine, HE made me smile and feel good about myself, and I apparently did the same for HIM.  I have not spoken to him for awhile.  I don’t plan to either.  I’m so sick of everything and everyone.  I wish I knew all of you in real life, and had these conversations with you in person.  The friendship and warm body sitting before me is much needed.   I just hold this pattern of get up, be a mom, work, be a mom, go to bed.  I’m exhausted.  I’m tired of trying to fix what can’t be glued. Or what doesn’t want to be glued.   And frankly its all getting to be a little pathetic.  


9 thoughts on “Now before you judge me….

  1. You shouldn’t worry so much what other people think. Even if they think they are, they really aren’t the ones who will be the judge of you. You are the only one who has to give account for your choices, and the only one who has to live in your shoes.

    You are NOT pathetic either. We all know what it feels like to feel lonely, worn down and worn out, hopeless. I wish I lived closer to you, so I could give you that hug you need.

    P.S. It is not your responsibility to fix anybody but yourself. Do what it takes to be happy, C.

  2. I have been in those broken down shoes. It hurts and you long for a real connection, so when it comes along, you can’t help but be drawn into it. To crave it. To need it. It’s hard to say what anyone would do in someone else’s shoes. No judgement here.

  3. Man, if you are pathetic, I am dung. Maybe time without either of them would bring you clarity, or maybe you know and are afraid to make that call. Above all, you have to find your heart in this. It will steer you where you need to go.

  4. I have been “the other woman” and I understand how it so easily happens. At the time, I was single, and HE was in a long term relationship. It was similar in that HE and I connected in a way that I hadn’t with others. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t leave her, how he could love me, just not quite enough. I still think of him often since we never really ended things cleanly. I met my husband, and HE and I just have not talked since. But, I fear and long for the day that one of us initiates conversation. It has been 8 years, but I still feel HIS pull. I think many people understand. Sometimes, we need an escape. We need to feel loved and adored, and I think that with affairs, we get that. We don’t take anything for granted with the affair. We treasure each moment.

  5. This is tough. Hang in there. Keep posting through it even if it is repetitive. Those of us who are also blogging our problems get it.

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