Just checked email… and these are the some of the things HE said to me…

you remember how good it feels to be loved my the man who has always loved you…
i have never stopped loving you.
you have no idea how comfortable you made me feel too. You made me feel like i was a million miles away from any care or worry i had.
i love you and i hope i never ever ever lose what i have or have had with you.
i can tell you right now that my feelings for you will never change or fade.  you and our experiences are permanately engraved in my mind and on my heart.
i’ve said this a million times, but i still don’t think you have any idea how bad i want to be with you!!!  i love you!
have a great night honey.  when you find yourself getting down or stressed out, think of us!
i love you!  xoxoxoxox 143

17 thoughts on “Just checked email… and these are the some of the things HE said to me…

  1. So now what? Every fiber of my being screams I would run, run to him the man i love but I’m not in your situation I’m not that far in the process yet. I feel for you, hard hard choices!

  2. Hmm. Am I the only one who can’t wait to read what you wrote back to him? lol I know your a busy lady. Take your time….just not too long. hehe.

    • Thank you for reading. I love that you read, and comment. Please keep reading… I’d love to hear about this lover of yours. You are not HIM are you? LOL. Tell me about your lover… so I know if it is me (hahahaha) kidding. Although I’d love to know your story!

      • Before I tell my story I would like to comment that I am quite thankful you enjoyed my blog enough to follow it.

        Its mildly ironic to me that at one point I was blogging about my relationship and could have pointed you in the direction of that but we will get to that shortly.

        We had known each other for quite sometime. Bumped into each other at the gym, happened to be getting coffee at the same time, the usual way people run into each other. After a while, we just seemed to gravitate towards each other. It was light and flirty to start but as we got to know each other more we realized we were living the same life. My wife verbally and occasionally physically abusive. Her husband degrading and cruel.

        I am the league official for our local softball program and usually have to be at every game to deal with conflicts and disputes. One night we just sat on the bleachers together with her son between us playing a game on my phone. It was timing, chemistry and need channeled into one moment where I think we knew the spark was so much more.

        I went away on a school trip with my son for five days during which she texted me the first morning I was away and flirty became dirty quickly. We texted for five days straight until the night I got home we couldnt stay away from each other. We met and the spark became an inferno.

        We held off having sex for over a month to be sure it was what we wanted. It helped us get closer and though we had decided our relationship was only going to be physical, we knew it was so much more.

        So I blogged about it.

        Until my wife hacked my email with decrypting software she ” borrowed” from work. She found everything. Emails, chats, blog posts. She confronted me and I confessed. My wife in turn told my lovers husband and thus began the longest weekend of our lives.

        We called it the “HEY FUCKERS!!!” moment where everyone knew everything. My wife told me I had a choice to make. Her or my kids because she would make sure I never saw them again. My lovers husband told her the same thing. Oddly enough, the day everyone found out, we spent the whole day together with all our kids at an outdoor festival. We walked around hand-in-hand, unafraid.

        Then reality crashed down on us when her husbands mother died and she agreed to go with him to a week long funeral over nine hours away. The eve of them leaving, he approached me and asked me man to man to let them try and work it out. I was stunned. I didnt have an answer. I told him if thats what they both wanted and asked if I could see her to find out if thats what she wanted.

        We met in a parking lot and talked. We had been together for just over six months at that point and to be honest, we were scared. Scared of what to do next, scared of rocking the boat. so I did the only thing I could.

        I gave her back.

        I stood in an empty parking lot watching her drive away as I cried my soul out. I went home and told my wife I wasnt feeling well and cried until I fell asleep. It lasted 21 hours. I spent the following day in a fog of pain and rage until she texted me asking if I hurt as bad as she did. We agreed to keep things under wraps and only see each other when we could.

        What went from hundreds of text messages became emails when we could. Hours long phone calls until we fell asleep became three minute impersonal calls at work just to hear each others voices.

        So when I told you I have written that very same email, I wasnt kidding. Its the only outlet I have sometimes to say the things I used to say when she was sitting in my lap with her legs around my back and her arms around my neck.

        Your blog, for me, is the other side of the coin. When I read what you feel about your lover it makes me wonder if she thinks the same things about me.

        You have an excellent blog and a fantastic story. The blog I write now is because one of my lovers favorite things was to listen to my funny stories of weird things that happened in my life. She loves to laugh and it was an escape from the barrage of verbal abuse at home.

        Neither she or I are perfect. Lord knows, I am no angel but if she and I are going to Hell on the same bus, if I am driving she would be navigating. Or maybe the other way around. She gets car sick sometimes.

        Thanks for listening. Its been very cathartic telling the tale to someone whose feet have been on the same path. Keep blogging, I will keep reading.

      • what a beautiful story! The way you felt when she drove away, I know that pain. I have felt that pain. I think that is why I haven’t gone running back to him because I am TERRIFIED to ever feel that pain again. IF they don’t actually get a divorce, (even though they are separated), IF they decide to talk… whatever, I don’t want to hurt like that again. I understand telling your wife you were sick too. I had to cry behind closed doors… I couldn’t act hurt, no one knew. Then she told my husband, and I felt selfish if he saw me upset. I laid there crying all night. I would be exhausted and numb during the day but manage to make it ‘look’ like I was okay. I don’t know how I ‘looked’ okay because I was in more pain than I have ever been in. I missed him so much and being selfish and wanting to see him more and becoming close to his family so we could do just that had caused her to catch on. I would have been happier had I not known them, and just saw him on my own. I have come a LONG way in healing but it still pulls at my heart strings and causes an ache that no one will ever understand. I can only think to compare it to someone dying. Because he was physically THERE one minute and gone the next and no one ever loved me the way he did. I have never felt that way about anyone before. Not even my husband ‘in the beginning’. I am so sorry you went through the same pain. I know how hard that was, and I know how much it hurt. Thank you for reading my blog, and I’m glad you aren’t going anywhere… you have made me think about a lot of things with just your one comment. Does your wife know about your new blog?

      • My wife lost her shit when I told her about the new blog but as its grown a little and she sees the stories have nothing to do with my affair she has actually had a laugh or two at some of the stuff.

        For a second I was going to ask your name because your story echoes mine so closely I actually had chills at one point. Our families actually got really close for a while as well. I coached her daughter in baseball, I fixed their roof ( pretty girl discount but you must get that too), cook outs, camping, the whole shooting match. We even played on the same baseball team at one point and that lead to the suspicion starting I think.

        We would laugh and joke and it caught our spouses eye. We would each get grilled about conversations and be told our behavior was inappropriate but we didnt care. We were in love.

        The confrontations with our respective spouses was as angry as anything I have ever been a part of yet I refused to back down. I told both my wife and her husband that I loved her.

        I fought for her then. I fight for her now. Even if its only in my heart.

        The new blog is just an extension of her and I sitting around swapping horror stories. I know she reads them. I just hope she smiles when she does.

        You have an unbelievable story. Thank you for sharing. I will continue to comment on your stuff and hopefully mine continues to make people laugh

      • So if your wife was upset about this blog, can’t she see the comments you are making on the blogs of others… like talking here about your affair? I was just curious. Everything you have said makes me realize how similar our stories are. However we didn’t play softball together! 🙂 So its not me hee hee. I love talking to people that I have things in common with and I get the most excited about their comments because they understand how I feel. They have been there/done that.

      • I find it amazing to get the other side of the story. I have often wondered what might be going through her head at times and your perspective really helps.

        No. My wife sees the new blog at the website address not the blog address. She would have to look through your entries on wordpress to see my comments and really I havent told you anything she didnt know.

        Too bad it wasnt you on the team. That could have been really interesting.

      • Simple.

        I love you. To begin with anyway.

        I would tell you that I didnt care what the road ahead of us looked like. I would always be walking it. I dont care if sometimes I am so far ahead of you on the path that you cant see me in the distance or if I am so far behind that I am sprinting just to catch your shadow. I will never take my feet off the road we started down together.

        I would tell you that I miss the way your laugh made me weak in the knees. I miss the way that you wrapped your legs around mine when we laid together. I miss the way I would watch the clock and feel how slow time really moves when you want something so bad.

        I would tell you it makes my soul ache not being the one who holds you when you have had a bad day or kisses away your tears when you cry.

        If you were her…

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