Oh there are always two sides to this nightmare.


One of my good friends came into my house this morning with his son.  My husband and I have been REALLY good friends with him and his wife for years.  He apologized to me for just dropping in but he needed a favor.  My son, (my youngest), is their son’s best friend.  Our boys do everything together.  We often take each others kiddos just to do play days and hang out.  I said to him sure whats up, what can I help with.  At this moment when he looked up I was mortified.  He clearly had been crying, his eyes were swollen and red.  I sat my coffee down and the words, “Oh my God Mike are you alright?”  came out of my mouth.  He sat down on my couch and I told his son that my son was downstairs in the playroom and he quickly ran with excitement in that direction.  Just at that moment Mike put his face in his hands and started sobbing.  I jumped up grabbed tissue and handed it to him and sat back down to hear words that sent me in disbelief.   “She’s leaving me, she has started to pack her things and move them into another mans house.”  All that could come out of my mouth was “WHAT?”  He continued, “Yes.  She said she’s been checked out of our marriage for a year so finding someone else didn’t seem wrong. She said this man makes her happy, and makes her realize there is something more for her in life.”  He looked up at me and clearly the horror was all over my face.  I felt like I was going to throw up.  This was that ‘perfect’ couple.  A huge home, (that they JUST bought months ago), he JUST bought her a brand new Cadillac escalade three weeks ago.  I just didn’t see it coming.  He said, “she wants to live with him, and I understand marriages end but I don’t get one thing.”  He said he found out that this guy is a sex offender.  He said he told her she could have half of everything, but his kids will not be around this guy and she understood.   He at this point is sobbing like I have never seen a man do.  She is willing to not only give up her husband, but her kids. Just.  Like. That.

Now.  I understand marriages failing,  (I do).   I understand affairs and how they can ‘just happen’, (I do).  I understand falling out of love with someone, even if they are perfect in everyones eyes, like Mike.  Business man, works hard for a beautiful home, nice cars, sends her to the spa twice a month, they go on a “MAJOR” vacation twice a year, they foster a child to give ‘some child out there’ a better home.  I understand that ‘things’ don’t make a marriage or people happy, but this man tries.  His favor he needed was to know if I could watch his son today, (I work from home) and I obviously said yes.  He said I can’t even think. I can’t stop crying and I don’t want him to see me this way.  He said his daughter was at school all day.  I said I would, I said I’d pick up his daughter too that he could pick them both up after dinner.  I hugged him and he seriously was trembling.  My heart is so broken for him.  He walked to his car head down and I watched him wipe his eyes at least four times before driving off.


So being fair I called her.   All I said is, “WHAT IS GOING ON?”  At first she played dumb like I knew nothing.  Then she realized Mike had been here.  She said to me that she didn’t know.  She met a man TWO WEEKS AGO and she is happier than she has ever been.  Life is simple.  Life with him is fun.  He lives in an appartment in not a very good area.  I asked about him being a sex offender and she got VERY quiet.  I said to her, I am speaking to you as a friend here, you better be VERY careful.  I said you know what my job is and if I know, or find out he has been around your kids I am REQUIRED by LAW to report it.  I have no choice.   I continued to say I understand more than anyone falling out of love.  I understand more than anyone loving someone you probably shouldn’t.  I don’t however, and will NEVER understand you telling your husband you would willingly give up your kids because of him being a sex offender.   I can’t be friends with someone like that.  I can’t.  Your kids are first.  How can you foster a child (which happend to just be placed back at home) so that you can provide them a good home and then take that good home/sitaution from your very own children?  I said I do not know what you are thinking and the sex can’t be good enough to give up your children.  This fling is going to pass over  and you are going to feel like an ass and have no ground to stand on.  You are going to lose all kinds of family and friends and you will have a sex offender/fuck buddy.  Your husband is DEVISTATED.  You are very close to ruining the lives of your children.  You are looking pretty fucking selfish to me.  TWO WEEKS?!?!  TWO WEEKS?  I felt like a peice of shit for having an affair with a man I met and talked to for six months, after my husband had been gone and in and out of jail for TWO YEARS.  So trust me I’m not judging you on what you are doing.  I’m judging you on the kind of mom you are very close to being.  She yelled at me saying this man is not a sex offender because he raped some two year old.  I looked at my phone like I was hearing her wrong.  She informed me he is 33 now, and when he was 31 got a 15 year old pregnant and has a two year old daughter with her.   Beautiful.  Fucking Beautiful.  You are a stupid, stupid bitch.  I don’t understand your priorities.  YOUR CHILDREN COME FIRST, and their safety.

I hung up… I am so angry.  KIDS MATTER MOST.  ALWAYS.  A SEX OFFENDER?  REALLY? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!  My poor friend Mike.

25 thoughts on “Oh there are always two sides to this nightmare.

  1. Your friend, Mike and his kids are lucky to have you and your family in their life. I cannot begin to understand how anyone can do that, but I actually have worked with someone who was in the same position as Mike, when his wife left to be with a sex offender who she met on the internet. But, she left the State, so he didn’t need to worry about her having the kids around the guy, but she actually just up and left her kids. People are crazy.

  2. Wow… I do hope your friend wakes up before she does something stupid. Meeting a man after two weeks thinking he is the one is the biggest mistake she will make… For the sake of her kids I hope she wakes up…. Good luck!!

  3. Pardon my language here but…what a fucking bitch!! How the fuck can you do that to your children?!? He got a 15 year old GIRL pregnant and clearly isn’t caring for her. I understand age gap relationships, but there is a legal age for a reason!!! Why the fuck would you even want to be with someone like that???

  4. Wow. Just wow. Is this woman on drugs? I am asking that in a serious tone. Not in the sarcastic way in which one can ask that sometimes. It makes me wonder. Diet pills? Does she have an eating disorder? Any history of mental disorders? This is out of character and while what she is doing is horrifying…..there HAS to be something wrong. There has to be.

    I too agree that “having it all” does not make a happy home or guarantee a happy marriage. And I certainly understand having feelings for another man or becoming involved in an affair b/c you are unhappy in your marriage. (and I am not saying that either of those are okay….just saying that IT HAPPENS.) BUT….the choices this woman is making don’t seem to line up with the woman you either thought she was or the woman she is.

    To up and leave and move in with another man in 2 weeks is crazy in and of itself. But to do so with an admitted SEX OFFENDER and then to be willing to not be able to see your kids? Something is clearly wrong with her.

    I could go on and on about her actions and that a 31 year old fathering a child with a 15 year old IS basically rape….due to the age difference alone. But I think my real concern here, outside of her husband and children is that something is wrong with her.

    Are you close enough to her or to him or is there ANYONE who can possibly have her taken to the hospital and put on a 5150? If he knows that she is ON or OFF any medications recently….or if there is anyway to get her admitted against her will, just so that they can evaluate this woman, I think it needs to be done. Does she have a mother or sister nearby? Anyone who might be able to talk some sense into her?

    Because outside of drugs, or a mental issue….I cannot believe that this woman would do this willingly, in a matter of 2 weeks, over “sex” and a connection and because she was bored in a stale marriage. Something is missing here and I pray that someone helps her to see this before the damage is too severe to repair.

    I’m so sorry for your friend and his children. I hope that someone can help him through this time and that someone can get through to her. Something is not right.

    • The drug is oxytocin generated by the relationship. Ref “womens infidelity: living in limbo”
      This is pretty much a normal thing when an affair begins. But something must have happened to force her decision like discovery? Because its not normal to make such a choice unless she gets discovered.

      • I totally agree with the oxytocin comment. I’ve felt it, and dealt with that “other” reality too. BUT…as a mother, never ONCE, did my feelings that were generated from my affair, with someone that I considered (and still consider) to be the love of my life, my soulmate….. EVER cause me to put my children second in such an obvious and off the wall manner.

        I am sure that there were times that as a parent, I was not fully present in whatever was going on during a certain evening etc….but there is no way in hell that ANY man, no matter how he made me feel, no mater the level of OXYTOCIN pumping through my veins, would have caused me to choose HIM, over them. EVER. And that was my point. If this woman was somewhat stable regardless of normal marital discord or letdown…. then TO ME, something else, aside from OXYTOCIN from great sex, has got to be going on.

        I totally buy oxytocin causing one to believe that they have found their soulmate and the one they cannot live without, but NOT at this expense. There is no way. Something is missing in this scenario and is going to come to light, in the end.

  5. OMFG. How ignorant can you really be. Some people blow my mind.

    It’s a good thing that Mike has you to come to. You can support him in ways he will so desperately need right now. I hope she wakes the fuck up soon and realizes what an idiot she is being.

  6. …sweetmotherofgod….thank heavens that its only been 2 weeks and she’s not brought him around the kids. the lack of judgement exhibited here is astounding.

  7. It’s hard for people like me to truly condemn ANYONE, but honestly, she sounds like a flake. A nitwit. He’s in agony, but honestly, he will be better off with her. She will come to regret such a rash decision. That being said, this is an example, although an extreme one, of the fallout of adultery. Whether you up and leave your spouse after a 2 week affair or a 2 year affair, most people are shocked and devastated. That’s the reality of doing really self-indulgent stuff. There’s collateral damage.

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