Help me! I’m suffocating!

We all have a moment that we lose respect for our partners because they seem to have lost respect, compassion and time for us. This story is sad, yet common. I think a lot of people find out that their partners aren’t really there for them unconditionally when they hit bottom. They’re not very helpful either. They are great however, at telling us what we NEED to do and how we NEED to feel and what NEEDS to happen. And at that moment all respect is lost. Without respect, distance and regret walk in and communication and love walk out. The bottom of the barrel is where all the shit is. Sadly we often find ourselves at the bottom of that barrel and most couples don’t clean up and swim together, the one lets the other almost drown from standing on them while barking orders.

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15 thoughts on “Help me! I’m suffocating!

  1. this knowledge is hard to accept and handle when the discovery is first made…and it doesn’t get any easier knowing you are living as a single person, alone, with no support…without the benefits…simply by virtue of being married. it sucks

  2. When you find yourself alone, swimming through shit while supporting the weight of the one who’s supposed to love and help keep you afloat, it’s time to flush the crapper. I guarantee you’ll not only survive, but come out clean when you reach the other end. And if I could find a way to weave toilet paper or a Handywipe into that analogy, I would โ€” But I think it would be too much to absorb.

  3. I agree completely. I reached this point and that’s when I knew it was over. I didn’t respect him anymore.

    I know others may disagree, but I honestly don’t think that can be changed with any amount of therapy. When you recoil at someone’s touch and you find yourself muttering to yourself “I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.” and wishing some great tragedy might befall that person to free you, where do you go from there? I realize now from reading all these books that I am not blameless, and that some people have successfully clawed their way back from the depths of disrespect and anger and disappointment.

    Is it such an awful thing to say you can’t?

    I left my STBXH 3 months ago and almost every day has been hell on earth, primarily because he could not “man up” and be the one to leave the family home. He wanted to make an example of me — ‘you want out so bad? YOU LEAVE.’ and there was daily harrassment and physical violence and all kinds of things I should have called the police for but didn’t because of my son.

    And now, only now do I find out our state laws entitle him to half of everything I have saved for retirement during the time we were married, while he saved nothing at all — which I didn’t know because I unfortunately was not clued in to that until now. I am heartsick. I will scratch and scrimp and save for a dinky home while he stays in our big fancy house that I have paid for and keeps everything in it, while I walked with nothing. He can’t see that 50/50 custody isn’t good for our son, but he is demanding his “half” of everything, including our child.

    But I still could not and would not go back, not for all the money in the world.

    I am still with my MM, who is also now out of his home, where despite working full time, he was also the primary caretaker for his 2 children. He might have chosen to stay and work things out but for my a-hole STBXH calling his ouse and leaving a message on his answering machine blowing open the whole thing, just so he could drag someone else down to the depths of the misery he was experiencing. It was on that day that I knew I could never go back. He is so juvenile and childish and selfish, and nothing will ever change that.

    People tell me this is the price of my freedom. I understand that. I will get to where every day is not a chore, where I can genuinely be happy when I’m with my son instead of faking it, where I don’t wake up with that awful knot in my stomach that tells me it’s another day I have to get through.

    Let’s help each other. It’s so hard to talk to people about this. You never think you will be the one who has an affair. No one ever dreams about being that person. But it happens.

    Hang in there. It will be tough no matter what you decide.

  4. I am where you are…Just ended a four year love affair with a married man…i was and still am addicted to this man..Walked away 3 weeks ago and I feel as if i am dying inside..No words to express the pain and emptiness of this moment in my life..he consumed me then and still does..I don’t want to need him…Don’t want to remember him but he is everywhere..In songs, the weather, my parfume…he is here.

  5. I get sick and tired of friends and family telling me to “just move on” or “you can do better”…Who the hell has the right to tell me what I should feel and do?? Who can make an assessment on my heart?? These are my feelings..My attachment..My desires.and just because he belongs to her does not negate my love for him!!! Stop telling me to stop loving him!!!

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