There will always be judging people….

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I know I’m not perfect.  I know I’m human.  I know you shouldn’t judge others.   I also know, (and forgot), that you were perfect…

This is a comment I received on one of my past posts yesterday:

The Emotions I Felt When Having an Affair. 

Your son’s response was grown up? Really? What other kinds of “grown up” things are you teaching him? It wasn’t AP’s wife’s fault for anything. It seems like you raised him to believe that as long as you were/are happy, it is/was OK to do hurtful things. Congrats, he’ll probably end up a selfish person just like you. And he met AP’s family? Wow. I wish you hadn’t caught the FB message. Would’ve been better if you were exposed for the kind of person you are. But I guess you got lucky and can continue to be victim and ‘get away’ with this. Also, who are you to say she was a horrible wife? Were you there 24/7?? You know everything that went on in that marriage? Hm, I wonder how much her husband contributed to her being a horrible wife. Did he treat her well, all of the time? LOL calling her a horrible wife….. but look at you. People like you are just….. I don’t even know. Also, no, I am not a betrayed spouse, however I have been affected by the selfishness of people like you and wayward spouses. Hopefully, karma will kick you hard in the butt.

*************************

Ummmm.  My response?  Thats your opinion and you are entitled to it.  I however, know the full story and right or wrong it is what happened.  And I’m pretty sure you are far from perfect.  And I love how your user name leads to nowhere so no one can reply to you.  Coward.   Careful judging others.  You don’t know me or my life or my situation.  It’s okay though, I forgive you.

I don’t care to find out who she is or where she is. I just can’t stand people who scream their opinions and then tuck tail and run when it comes to hearing the other side. She is entitled to her opinion but she wasn’t there. She didn’t hear her calling him a fat bastard in public, infront of their kids. She didn’t hear her tell me that he was horrible in bed. She didn’t her her say “you move us into our new house, I’m not lifting a finger because that isn’t a woman’s job” She didn’t hear her tell him to “clean of the table already, we are done eating, slacker” I watched him be abused for a long time while my husband was off doing drugs and trying to be a rockstar. So she can think what she wants. I hope one day this commenter finds love, (REAL love, CRAZY love) in the not so ‘proper’ place and I hope it makes her realize she spoke before realizing she hadn’t worn my shoes.

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14 thoughts on “There will always be judging people….

  1. contacting someone to spew venom at them, reflects on the judgmental person that THEY are. it must be horrible to feel so insecure about yourself that you must try to make others feel badly by trying to judge the situation they are in.

  2. Fyi, you can figure out who is commenting, maybe not their name but their exact location. I did it when my ex started coming into my blog under aliases. When you go to your comments through your menu you get the commenters IP # . Sorry I forget the name of the site but I just Google the IP # and found a site that gives you the longitude and latitude of that IP #. Then I went to another site and looked up that longitude and latitude and it pin pointed the address exactly. My ex’s IP s kept changing but only by a few numbers and the address kept coming up the same. When I did street view of the location it was a condo building. He must have been parking outside the building and tying into other peoples internet. Once I informed him of what I had discovered the comments stopped.

    It is a bit of work but effective.
    Good luck.
    I respect your honesty. None of us are perfect and I have been on the receiving end of infidelity and know the excruciating pain of discovering the love of my life was unfaithful. But I don

    • Sorry hit post too soon. I was just going to say, shit happens and until you have walked in another person’s shoes you should keep your judgments to yourself. People who judge and “would never” do whatever you did should really be careful who they judge because karma tends to put them exactly where they said they would never be. Never say never. One of the biggest life.lessons I’ve learned.
      Hugs
      Carrie

    • I don’t care to find out who she is or where she is. I just can’t stand people who scream their opinions and then tuck tail and run when it comes to hearing the other side. She is entitled to her opinion but she wasn’t there. She didn’t hear her calling him a fat bastard in public, infront of their kids. She didn’t hear her tell me that he was horrible in bed. She didn’t her her say “you move us into our new house, I’m not lifting a finger because that isn’t a woman’s job” She didn’t hear her tell him to “clean of the table already, we are done eating, slacker” I watched him be abused for a long time while my husband was off doing drugs and trying to be a rockstar. So she can think what she wants. I hope one day this commenter finds love, (REAL love, CRAZY love) in the not so ‘proper’ place and I hope it makes her realize she spoke before realizing she hadn’t worn my shoes.

  3. Sadly, I somehow doubt your well-constructed response will bring her an epiphany. But that’s not really the point, which is actually the fact that your conviction is such that you can present your point of view with clarity. As long as you are able to do that, nothing anyone can say can make you second-guess or question the decisions you make with your life. Kudos.

  4. While the wording may not have been ideal, I think I understand what that commenter was trying to say. I haven’t read all of your posts, but I did read a few, because as a betrayed spouse, I am curious to try to understand the mindset of the Other Woman. While my husband’s affair was a short term, no-feelings type affair, I still wonder what the Other Woman was thinking, sleeping with a married man, especially since she herself was married with children as well.

    I don’t mean this to sound judgmental, just an observation…I think it sounds as though you romanticize the affair, and talk about as though you are both ill-fated lovers who should be together but are being kept apart. I’m not saying your feelings or his weren’t real, but that they shouldn’t have had the opportunity to develop in the first place. I am sure you did witness horrible behavior from the wife at times, but who among us hasn’t been rotten to our spouses on occasion? He may have fed into your opinion of her because it’s easier to cheat on someone when you tell yourself how awful they are and push away all their positive qualities. Whatever you witnessed first hand, or heard from her husband, you still didn’t live in their life. You didn’t see all the positive moments between them. You can’t see in her heart and know how she truly feels about him. But whether she was the most amazing wife ever or the worst wife in the world, she didn’t deserve to be cheated on. No spouse does. It doesn’t matter what she did right or wrong. You and her husband were wrong to get involved with each other, in any capacity other than friendship.

    I get that you are trying to relate to other women who are also the Other Women, but it would be helpful if you focused less on what you lost, and more on the fact that you took something that was never yours in the first place. You could use your influence to encourage potential Other Women to make better choices and stay away from married men. Yes, those men equally share the blame when an affair occurs, but if you as the potential Other Woman refuse to get involved, then there is no affair. The potential cheating spouses should do the same. Because the pain and devastation that result from the affair are life-altering, and marriages and families are never the same. When you get involved with someone who is married, you are just as responsible for the damage as they are.

    I do give you a lot of credit for openly sharing about your situation, knowing that you will and may already have angered people simply because of your status, or former status, as the Other Woman. I’m sure you have received a lot of negativity and harsh criticism. As I said, I’m not trying to judge and if that’s how it sounds, it’s not my intent; just sharing my opinions and observations. Hopefully all of us who have been impacted and affected by adultery, in whatever role or capacity, can heal and learn from our various situations, and help others to make better choices.

  5. Tracing my Ip would be creepy considering I didn’t type my comment on my own computer as its broken…. but to the creepy Person whi suggested it, you can try maybe next week? i should have it back by then. Anyway, I stand behind my statement. It was harsh, and I apologize but you still didn’t really tackle any other point besides the wife. While you may have witnessed just a little, you didn’t witness it all. Also, I don’t know why you can’t find my name to reply? Once again, I apologize if I came off harshly but certain things people do knowingly like what you and your lovely readers do hurts a whole lot of people and its just wild. This is my first time reading an OW blog and I reacted out of turn, sorry about it. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you can reply to me.

  6. I get that kind of ridiculous comment every now and then, too. It’s bothersome, but I try to just ignore it. When you’re baring your soul in a format like this, you just gotta expect some haters are going to come in and get all judgy. You’re better than this anonymous person.

  7. I too have to deal with mean-spirited, inaccurate and shrill opinions at times on my blog, as you know. Mostly from females. Most of who are betrayed spouses. It goes with the territory. Many would rather treat people like you and I as monoliths — horrible, selfish monsters — than to look at us individually. It’s easier. It’s also easier to just condemn, condemn, then condemn some more the cheater. It’s easier then they themselves looking in the mirror.

    I ignore it. I refuse to debate them. Nasty, mean-spirited comments are simply trashed and all their future posts are marked for the “spam” folder.

  8. The best and most mature thing we can teach our kids about affairs, is how to NOT have them in their own lives as adults. They need to learn from our mistakes. We need to teach our kids how to communicate clearly, openly and often. We need to teach them how to express their needs honestly, and how to recognize and proactively meet their partner’s needs. We need to teach them how to seek and receive help to work through the difficult seasons in life. If that fails, we need to teach them how to honorably exit a relationship. Without destroying innocent spouses and children who were given no choice in the matter. Our kids need to understand the concept of personal responsibility, so that if they DO have an affair, they own it and make amends. If their partner has an affair, we need to teach them how to respond with grace and forgiveness.

  9. It’s amusing that you called the person who commented on your post a ‘coward’ when you showed similar cowardice by deleting my comments about the link to the blog you posted a couple of days ago.
    I ‘get’ that it’s your blog, but I guess I expected more out of person who cries out for honesty from her readers, yet doesn’t exactly practice what she preaches.
    And, yes, I expect this comment to be deleted in 5…4…3…

    • I’m sorry I just didn’t see in his post what made him a dick and I will NOT use my blog to let others call people names. That is the only reason your comments were deleted. If you don’t like him or his blog fine…. I will not support name calling or blog hating by using MY blog. Thanks for understanding. It had nothing to do with anything other than being friends with him. Thanks!

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