Sad, sad week.

images-1

I lost a friend.  He died a week ago. We buried him two days ago.  He was only 37.  He had a beautiful wife that he met when we were all in high school.  Who marries their high school sweetheart?  He did.  They have three beautiful daughters.  All super young.  My heart is breaking for all of them.  I’m so lost.   They had that marriage.  The one we only read about.  The love and respect that we all hope we have and find many of us don’t.  He was way to young to die.  His girls are confused and his wife is so broken.  I don’t know how to help her other than to love her and be there for her. I will not ask her what I can do for her, I will just do it.   A husband lost, a father lost, a son lost, a brother lost, a grandson lost, a coach lost, an employee lost, an all around good, honest, faithful, loving man lost.   I don’t feel like this hole will heal.  Ever.  Twenty two years is a long time to know someone who is suddenly gone.   I will miss him and think of him every single day.

This song hit home for sure…

 

I rode around long enough
With my windows down
Let that breeze roll in, carry your perfume (cologne) out
I took your number and messages off my phone
Oh, but you ain’t gone

Wish I could close my eyes and not have to see you smiling
Yeah, yeah, can’t get you outta my head
You’re dancing all around it, girl you got me surrounded,
Yeah, yeah, can’t get you outta my head
I got you off these walls, I got you outta my bed
But girl I’m no better off, can’t get you outta my head

Seems like your memory, has got a map of my mind
No matter where I go, you find me every time
Alone or in a crowd, I hear you whispering baby
It’s driving me crazy

Wish I could close my eyes and not have to see you smiling
Yeah, yeah, can’t get you outta my head
You’re dancing all around it, girl you got me surrounded,
Yeah, yeah, can’t get you outta my head
I got you off these walls, I got you outta my bed
But girl I’m no better off, can’t get you outta my head

Damn, you’re hard to forget
Oh oh oh

Yeah, wish I could close my eyes and not have to see you smiling
Yeah, yeah, can’t get you outta my head
You’re dancing all around it, you still got me surrounded,
Yeah, yeah, can’t get you outta my head
I got you off these walls, I got you outta my bed
But girl I’m no better off, can’t get you outta my head
You’re nowhere close to being gone, outta my head
Mmm, outta my head

No you ain’t gone,
No you ain’t gone,
Yeah outta my head

Dear Former Self:

Image

I know you are a little less bubbly, and I know you are a little more grounded.  I know you don’t glow like you did feeling HIS thoughts.  I know you miss being looked at ‘THAT’ way.  I know you miss the stomach filling butterfly feeling.  I know you miss the feeling of energy falling between your lips and the other persons kiss.   I know you miss thinking about when you were going to see HIM next and what you would do first when you saw him.  I know you miss his happy emails and pings he caused your phone to do.  I know you miss that feeling you fear you will never ever feel again for anyone.  I know you miss that feeling of dread when your time with HIM was almost over.  I know you miss the way he made you laugh and smile.  I know you miss the way he held your attention in any and all conversations.  I also know that you know it was the right thing to walk away.  I know you feel lost right now.  I know you are trying to be content with what you have.  I know you are trying to start over with your husband.  Trying to learn how to love again.  I know you are terrified to throw another baby into this picture.  I know you know it will be okay.  It will all work out.  Somehow it always works out.  Right?  I know you will continue to put one foot in front of the other, even on the bad days.  I know you will grow attached to this baby.  I know your fears.  I know you know your fears.  I know you are trying to paint a blue sky above your life picture but no matter how hard you scrub and rub the brush, only grey seams to be appearing.  Keep painting. Blue is ahead.  It has to be.  Right?

And yet there is another one…

Image

So apparently I have a new person that just doesn’t get me.  She is upset because I deleted her comments after stating that I call people cowards for not owning up to their comments or whatever.   I will tell everyone that I deleted her comments because she called someone I like who’s blog I follow a dick.  She said she thought he sounded selfish and like a dick.  UMMMM I like him.  I like his blog.  I will NOT let some random person bad mouth and name call people (or bloggers) I like names.  I will delete your comments if you are going to be THAT hateful and mean.  I will however call your lowness and rudness out for everyone to see and either agree or disagree with me.

Here is what she said to me about my blogging friend who posted pictures of his new house and is EXCITED and HAPPY to be moving on from his failed marriage that ended a YEAR ago:

“Wow. What a dick.”

I said:   “excuse me? I don’t understand? Why is he a dick? I think you are misunderstanding. He is a blogger that blogged through his divorce that he struggled with. I love his blog and I care about him very much. This is not the man I speak of in any of my posts… I think you are confused thinking he is either my husband or my A.P. and he isn’t either. I am happy for this man however for moving on and being happy, thus me being so confused by your comment. ???? He is FAR from being a dick.”

She said: “It comes with the territory of having a blog, see.
Some folks are gonna like what’s written, while others, well, not so much.
I like your blog a lot, but there is something about his tone that comes of as choady and oh so self-righteous. And, I’m not confused. Not in the least.”

Then I said, “well think what you would like, but I’m telling you, you’ve got him all wrong.”

and she said:  “Ok. Peace.”

And it pissed me off.  That someone would call someone who is happy and moving on, and in a good place in his life a dick.  Its that judging thing again.  So out of anger of name calling and judging, I deleted her comments.  I just don’t have the time and energy for that bullshit.

Then I got this (on a different blog post): “It’s amusing that you called the person who commented on your post a ‘coward’ when you showed similar cowardice by deleting my comments about the link to the blog you posted a couple of days ago.

I ‘get’ that it’s your blog, but I guess I expected more out of person who cries out for honesty from her readers, yet doesn’t exactly practice what she preaches.
And, yes, I expect this comment to be deleted in 5…4…3…”

And I finished with:  “I’m sorry I just didn’t see in his post what made him a dick and I will NOT use my blog to let others call people names.  That is the only reason your comments were deleted.  If you don’t like him or his blog fine…. I will not support name calling or blog hating by using MY blog.  Thanks for understanding.   It had nothing to do with anything other than being friends with him.  Thanks!”

Please tell me in THIS post what made him a dick?

But whatever.

So my faithful, (KIND) bloggers/readers/friends…. am I in the wrong here?  I’d hope if we’d been blogging friends for a YEAR and someone posted mean hateful judging words about me or someone else you knew you wouldn’t put up with that either.   I’m assuming the REAL reason for her attitude and uglyness is to get some followers to her blog so I won’t link it here, but I’m pretty sure she will comment which will pull an audience to her.  Annoying.  I don’t get it.  Be kind.  Why couldn’t she comment, “Good for him.  Moving on and being happy… everyone deserves to be happy.”  But no because he is happy that makes him a dick.  Wow, because she has a voice, maybe that makes her a bitch???  Karma.  Do not judge others…. all too soon someone will judge you…

Whoops, my bad….

I think my last post confused people.  One of my fellow bloggers ‘ended’ his blog and has moved on from his divorce… I am happy for him…. I wasn’t implying that it was my husband that was ‘ending’ things.  I just reblogged a bloggers blog that said he was moving on.  I’ve followed his blog the whole time and I am so happy for him!  Sorry for the confusion.  Things here are the same…. my husband is trying and I am still pregnant… just started my third month.   

The End

The End.

Yay!  There are happy endings for those I care about!  I wish him the best!  Cheers!  Muah!

I love this blog.  It was short but a blog “most” people get.  We have all had one relationship come to a sharp end.  A painful end.  An end in which you feel you will never recover… (just read my blog in the very beginning).  I thought I might die.  This man needed his year.   Thats about how long it took me to ‘heal’ too.  I’m so glad he is happy and he is moving on.  Good for him!!!