Dear Former Self:

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I know you are a little less bubbly, and I know you are a little more grounded.  I know you don’t glow like you did feeling HIS thoughts.  I know you miss being looked at ‘THAT’ way.  I know you miss the stomach filling butterfly feeling.  I know you miss the feeling of energy falling between your lips and the other persons kiss.   I know you miss thinking about when you were going to see HIM next and what you would do first when you saw him.  I know you miss his happy emails and pings he caused your phone to do.  I know you miss that feeling you fear you will never ever feel again for anyone.  I know you miss that feeling of dread when your time with HIM was almost over.  I know you miss the way he made you laugh and smile.  I know you miss the way he held your attention in any and all conversations.  I also know that you know it was the right thing to walk away.  I know you feel lost right now.  I know you are trying to be content with what you have.  I know you are trying to start over with your husband.  Trying to learn how to love again.  I know you are terrified to throw another baby into this picture.  I know you know it will be okay.  It will all work out.  Somehow it always works out.  Right?  I know you will continue to put one foot in front of the other, even on the bad days.  I know you will grow attached to this baby.  I know your fears.  I know you know your fears.  I know you are trying to paint a blue sky above your life picture but no matter how hard you scrub and rub the brush, only grey seams to be appearing.  Keep painting. Blue is ahead.  It has to be.  Right?

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4 thoughts on “Dear Former Self:

  1. It’s not easy convincing yourself you have enough when you feel empty 😦 Yet it always seems like the right thing to do. I never understand it either.

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