Jumping in and out of old blogs.

Some of my favorite blogs are not there anymore.  Over the last year they’ve all stopped blogging.   Either you get over what caused you to blog or you just are too heartbroken to blog about it any longer.  I realized reading start to finish my blog one weekend that it was so repetitive it was sickening.

The problem is you make friends with these people.  You really get to know their lives and their situations and then suddenly they are gone.  I’d hope their last post if they moved on to a new blog would be stating just that.  Life just picks up carries on and you move with it.  Hope they are all well.




21 thoughts on “Jumping in and out of old blogs.

  1. well, I’m still here even if I don’t post new entries very often (busy life + I’m running out of ideas, although I DID put up a new one today).

    So why do people discussing affairs disappear? I think it’s a couple things. One, it’s a “stage” that most people pass through. Their blogs are largely about their experiences/frustrations/triumphs dealing with an affair. After a while, they pass through that stage and no longer wish to write about it as it’s a page they’ve turned and they would like to keep it turned. Others? They blog about their anger/frustrations/joys or whatever dealing with the affair/marriage/relationship, and usually hoping to get people to agree with them on whatever topic they are blogging on. And then they realize that a lot of people WON’T agree with them and it pisses them off and they say, “fuck it. There’s no point to this.” Or their blogs become a bit mundane, wordy and whiny and almost nobody starts to “like” or comment after a while, so they don’t get that immediate feedback they are often seeking. Blogging at times can sound a bit like you’re utterly self-absorbed and people get bored with what some write. So they feel like they are blogging in a vacuum. Again, no pay-off.

    Or frankly, people just get bored with blogging!!

    As I said, I largely have run out of ideas and my blog is no longer about me, it’s about the topic. And I’ve exhausted most of the topics I thought should be covered. So I don’t blog new entries very often unless I get an inspiration. So some ask me, “Are you still around?”. I am. I’m just not ADDING. Plus, I get 2-4 emails a day from strangers asking questions, askng for help, or whatever, and I spend my time on that and not the blog, but I leave the blog up because it still seems to resonate. I’m pretty much getting 1,500 to 2,000 hits per day, so obviously it has some meaning out there. So I saw no reason to delete it. Again, it’s not about me, it’s about the topic.

    Some are worried that there is too much about them in their blogs and worry that they will be recognized/outted. So they delete it out of fear.

    And the former cheater? Many get tired of the crap and nonsense from mean-spirited, angry, illogical people who use them to redirect their anger from their spouse to them. And it gets old. Again, I just delete the comments of the fools and the mean-spirited. It doesn’t bother me. Most seem to appreciate my blog so I saw no reason to get rid of it.

    sorry for the long-winded answer.

    • I’ve always LOVED your long winded answers. I’ve read/followed you for a long time. I’ve always appreciated your thoughts and opinions, you know that! And even if you run out of stuff to blog about you can’t go anywhere. There are some of you, (specifically FOUR of you) that I would miss horribly and you are one of them. You’ve made me slow down and think when my head was spinning and I wasn’t thinking straight. Not to mention I loved that you, me and Wendy all had a different side/take in this. I needed you to level my thoughts. I’m glad you are still here.

      • I always appreciated you too. You are courageous. No nonsense. Honest. A friend to me when I had none around.

        I’ll always be around, even if only by email.

        By the way, after writing this, I had to go look at my all time stats. Since JANUARY (when I restarted the blog from 2011-2012 that was at another place), one blog entry has about 22,000 hits. Wow. That’s like 1,500 a month. The same blog entry is #1 on my hits. Every single day. EVERY day. That’s why I leave up my blog.

        It’s the one on the liklihood of an affair turning into a successful marriage. There are a lot of people asking that question. DAILY


  2. i understand this feeling – i find myself wondering what has happened to my friends. it’s a bit strange – i began blogging in 2010, then took off, then back on, then off,…then in January of 2013 i started up and have not stopped. i will admit that some of what i write is me being depressed, but writing has become my form of therapy. in many ways it has saved my life. what is even more amazing is that i have made some very good friends. i am new to your site, but look forward to perusing and getting to know your writing better. thanks – kimberly

    • Thank you for finding me and reading. Everyone’s story is different. I just fell in love with some of those stories and miss them. I think a lot of times blogging is therapy. Simple as that. Looking forward to reading more of your posts.

  3. Also, I largely stopped commenting on the blogs of Betrayeds. there’s no pay-off in it. They only want to hear what they want to hear. It’s like pounding your head against a brick wall. They just seek agreement. It’s pointless. I hardly even READ anyone’s any longer because of it. That’s why. It’s often a waste of time and key-strokes. I post what I post cause I think it’s the truth and helpful. I don’t seek agreement from anyone. like it, hate it, but it’s my blog. *shrugs*. As I said, it’s all I can do to keep up with the email from strangers – betrayeds and waywards alike – every day. Most would rather keep their struggles private. Hence the disappearing blogs.

  4. I did recently just go through the blog I follow list and realize that several of them I started following when I began are no longer around. I cleaned up that page with just a bit of wistfulness and the hope that they have all moved on to something positive and happy.

    Personally, I just let my blog transform with me. I realize that happiness can be kind of boring, and being busy means that I don’t update nearly as frequently. I thought about ending my blog and even posted about starting a new one or maybe just going away. The consensus from comments and private emails I received was that it is nice to see someone moving forward and making progress in life.

    I know that I think of many of my blogging buddies like friends. There are several people I stay in touch with outside of our public blog posts. Even others that I don’t do that with are people who enter my mind more than just when I see a new post. When you read someone’s pain and fear and hopes and desires you become invested in their story.

  5. I miss them too. It’s wild to go back to old posts and see the names of frequent commenters who have since disappeared. I think people use blogging as a tool and when it no longer serves its purpose, they let it go. I wish them all well.

  6. I’ve seen it too. After a while, people with stories I’ve invested in just disappear. It’s sad, but I know this to be the way of things. I understand. I’ve considered ending my blog. I still might, once I have a clear clean place end (which I’m not even sure is possible). I don’t think I will take my blog down though. I don’t get a lot of readers but I get enough to know that people are looking for the stuff I’ve written about. Every so often my story touches someone enough for them to leave me a message to let me know. Those are THE BEST, aren’t they? For that reason alone I think I’ll leave my story up. I need to believe that something positive came from my pain. I want to feel like sharing my pain and experience could help someone else.
    I had a moment or two(hundred) where my posts were whiny, redundant, and boring even me. I know that feeling.
    Beautifulmess7 is right though. Happiness is boring. Desired, but boring.
    I can’t wait until my world is too happy and boring to continue. I desperately want to “place out” of my topic and need to move on. Perhaps one day you will feel the need to stop being her.
    I’ve gained tons of insight from you since I’ve been blogging. I appreciate the camaraderie. Thanks.

  7. The unfortunate thing about blogging about your life is that sometimes there isn’t really much to write about. I am sure no one would want to read my blog if it consisted of stories of taking my kids to the gym, working my ass off and going to sleep watching House Hunters.

    I hope your days are getting better love

  8. I was thinking something similar about my blog today. I’ve been so wrapped up in life over the last several that I haven’t blogged. Part in not knowing what to write, part time, and part just processing everything that has happened. That led me to come see what some of my favorite bloggers were up to and to try to write tonight. I do miss the writing and hope to get back to it.

  9. I know this thread was from days ago, but I just have to respond here. Why? Because so many who have commented helped me in ways that they cannot begin to imagine.

    Over the last 4 months, I have read every single word, including comments, from many of you:

    Beautifulmess – your blog brought me to WordPress and the blogging world to start with. I devoured every last morsel of chocolatey goodness that you wrote and internalized it. Then I read from the people that inspired you. One day I checked for updates and I could no longer follow you! I needed to be invited but didn’t have an account! After waiting a few months to see if you would change your mind and open your blog back up, I finally couldn’t wait any longer, created an account and asked for access. I do hope you will grant it to me someday!

    Recovering WS – I believe your stats may have been boosted by me over the last few months. Whenever I’m hurting and need a good kick in the teeth, I reread your posts. Often. Words that my MM and I have spoken, the thought that ‘our relationship is just different’… I stopped breathing the first time that I read your blog. It was like you had been listening to us over the last 2 years. YOU, my friend, made me realize that we really aren’t all that special. And your insights helped to strengthen me against MM’s loving feelings that he still thinks are real, but that I now know he will likely feel different about in the end.

    And of course, Being Her – Do you know how much I love your boring moments? Things you see as repetitive but that show just a slightly different angle on life that affects how a post is received and how it helps others? How I have cried reading about relapses? How your hurt has helped strengthen me when I’ve needed it? And how your strength has given me someone to look up to? Your miscarriage – I cannot begin to express my sorrow for your loss. As tears fell down my cheeks reading it, a smile formed at all of the commenters who wanted to hug you and comfort you as much as I did.

    I’ve read comments on your blog from people who are no longer around and am saddened that they were gone before I had the privilege of learning from their insights.

    This is my first comment ever in the blogging world, but I wanted to say thank you all for your continued words that help me cope with the heartache of loving someone I will never have.

    • wow! Thank you so much for all your kind words and the compassion clearly you have for others. I am so glad you created an account to follow, read and comment on all of of our blogs! I’m glad someone doesn’t find me repetitive and I seriously think your comment is the nicest thing I’ve ever read. You are so thoughtful. Do you have a story? I mean what brought you to all of our blogs? Maybe you should blog? I’d love to talk to you one on one. You should email me. Being.her@gmail.com, I’d love to get to know you. Seriously thank you for your kind words… sometimes I forget that others actually read, (and care) about the things I write about, especially when I write when I am struggling in some way. I do not just say this. I am thankful for my readers, thank you for such an amazing response! I’ll see if I can talk to Beautiful Mess to get her to accept you! :0) Is this the beautiful mess you are talking about: http://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com ?

  10. Re. Beautifulmess: Yes, that is her. If you can put a good word in for me, I’d appreciate it. 🙂

    Do I have a story? I do. How does one summarize almost 2 years of all-consuming love and heartache? How do you walk away from someone who doesn’t care about their own happiness? (I believe this is something that you can relate to…) Someone who, after more than 30 years of marriage, has the utmost respect for his wife but realized over 20 years ago that he was never really in love with her.

    I’ve NEVER tried to get him to leave his marriage. In fact, I am continuously telling him to TALK TO HER! When his daughter wanted to go to my favorite vacation island, the one place I dreamed of taking him, I told him the most romantic places to take his wife to. I’ve always known that the best thing for him would be to stay in his marriage if they would work on making it a real marriage and not just a business arrangement. After reading in Affairadvice about the “Semi-happy marriage; Too safe to leave, too boring to stay,” I described it to him. His response; “I wouldn’t say our marriage is that good.”

    His kids are worth everything to him. However, his kids are all out of the house now (barely) and yet he still talks about needing a minivan for their family vacations… Who am I to tell him that his kids are too old and they will never do a family vacation in the minivan again?

    Me? I’m over 40, well educated, make a lot of money and come from a loving family. My parents have been married for almost 50 years and yet I still find myself yelling, “Parents! I can hear you kissing in there!” (giggle, giggle, smooch.) And I cherish every minute of it. I’ve loved 3 men in my life but have never been married. The first was my college boyfriend who decided after 3 years that he really wanted a Jewish girlfriend, not a tall, blond Christian girl. The second turned out to love the bottle more than me. After 6 years, I finally ended it. And 8 years after that, a year into sobriety, he still calls me the love of his life. Finally the third. The man who made me realize that there is such a thing as love at first sight. He’s my mentor at work (we ‘virtually’ work out of the same office, but everyone works from home), my best friend, my confidant, and the most selfless lover I’ve ever had. He also belongs to someone else.

    It was in your blog that I read the saying, “At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life.” Well, I can’t imagine my life without him, either personally or professionally. But the only way I can keep him in both is to find a way to push him out of my heart. I came here to find the building blocks that I need to make that happen.

    I am very fortunate because he would never do anything to deliberately hurt me (and vice versa.) If I told him to never call me again, he wouldn’t. If I told him I needed him to come over and put his arms around me, he would. He knows that I am planning to start dating and has sat quietly (fuming) when men try to pick me up in bars. I’ve never lacked for male attention, it’s just that I don’t want any of them. I want him.

    But… you shared with me another wisdom nugget that truly defines my situation (as much as I hate myself for it.) “It’s hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but it’s even harder to give up when you know it’s everything you want.” In all of my years of “trying people on to see how they fit,” no one has “fit” like he has. He’s not perfect. No one is. And I can see where his wife would get frustrated at his lack of communication when he’s stressed or depressed, as he is right now. But to me, he’s everything.

    Would people care to hear about our stories? The four months of business trips and never ending happy hours and laugh ’til you cry text messages before anything ever happened? What about the first time after hours of talking over drinks, walking me to my car, that he said, “Kiss me. You HAVE to kiss me.” And gave me the sweetest, most chaste kiss ever (reminds me of that poster of the little girl and little boy kissing. You know the one!) Or how he came over to hold me and stroke my hair when I was sick?

    How 9 months in, when I thought it was over, I cheated on him (long story.) And in a heated phone call (I was away on business) when I asked how it was possible that he might not forgive me with what he was doing to his wife, he yelled out, “Because I’m in love with you, not her!” First time he’d ever said it and I was breathless. Finally, I asked how long he’d felt that way. He signed and said, “Since I looked up and saw you walk into the restaurant. The first time I ever saw you.”

    I know every moment we’ve shared has been special. But can I help others the way you have helped me? I just don’t know. But I will think about it. I have saved the 1,000s of texts we’ve exchanged over the last 23 months and read them often. I suppose I could try to share their meaning with others. I also write notes on my iPad of the things that I want to say to him, but know that I shouldn’t. All of my hurt and anger and frustration. All of the things about his marriage that I have no right to voice to him. At least in my own eyes.

    • wow. its so hard! I think you need to blog. I will be your first follower…. you have no idea how much it helps! Welcome to the roller coaster. Please fasten your seatbelt, and keep your hands and legs and HEART in the cart at all times. Sigh.

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