So I have been thinking about this post for about two weeks. What I wanted to say. What I really felt. How to NOT sound like a hypocrite. After a full few weeks I have come up with bits and pieces I am going to throw together and see where I come out.
So about two weeks ago my husband and I are both in bed. He is watching TV and I am multi-tasking like always. I have my phone, I have my laptop, I am holding my book but I am jumping in and out of the program he has on. Yes, I probably have a tad bit of ADD. Anyway, the show cuts to a commercial and this is the commercial:
First of all. I was INSTANTLY uncomfortable.
Second, (and don’t ask why), the words, “ARE YOU F UCKING KIDDING ME?” Came out of my mouth.
Now lets start this post with my response.
I said Are you fucking kidding me. I said it as if I was shocked. Speechless. Floored. That people WOULD have an affair!!! OMGosh what is this world coming to?!?!? Who would do that? Who in their right mind would pick up a laptop and log on? Well CLEARLY enough people that the company can afford to make a commercial. AND wait. ummm yeah me, I ummm yeah had an affair.
Thing is. Here is where I though a lot about this post. Just because “I” had an affair doesn’t mean “I” think its right. I don’t. I love weddings and marriages and being faithful and adore wedding vows. I do. (NO REALLY I DO). I also however know I am human. I was so lonely. I know being lonely doesn’t make anything right. You hear people who have affairs say they are not sure how it happened but that it just did. AND IT DOES. Something makes you log on. Something makes you post an add, (as I did) saying you just want to talk to someone… someone in your same boat. That loneliness, that feeling of being unwanted or unappreciated. That DESIRE to have and feel butterflies again. I was raised right. I know right from wrong. I go to church and believe in God. I also know I am not perfect. However the part of this situation that was so, ummmm well… interesting, (for lack of a better word) is when I said, “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I turn my head and see my husband looking at me with his jaw dropped open, followed by an eye rolling that was over dramatic.
“WHAT?” is all that could come out of my mouth.
He mutters “I’d love to see the hell this commercial would raise in THEIR house.”
I immediately say, “WHO”S HOUSE?” Knowing damn good and well he was talking about HIM and HIS wife.
He said, “don’t act all shocked at the commercial, clearly affairs happen and why wouldn’t a company try and go make money off of it.”
I said, “I’m very aware that affairs “HAPPEN”, I’m shocked that the world has stooped so low as to advertise to have one. And lets be clear, I didn’t just go log on to a website and sign up to have an affair.’
His response made my blood boil, “Craigslist isn’t a website?”
He shocked says, “well it IS a website”.
I just informed him as I got up and walked out, “it wasn’t like that”.
He quickly tried to add more by following me, “WHAT?!?!?! In the commercial they showed how burned out it was. How a routine had been found and the life was SUCKED OUT OF THEM, (hello zombies) are you saying we weren’t like that?”
I turned around and snapped, “No we weren’t like that. I didn’t have a life sucking out of me routine to fall into because your ass wasn’t here and you wanted to go be a fucking Rock Star, remember? I’m done with this conversation.”
Next I know I am fuming. A commercial. Really?
Which brings me to my last point and maybe a long one.
If you google “the other woman’ or “affair” or “mistress” or “infidelity” or “cheating” or “lover” or any word that you can think up that has to do with being unfaithful and in a relationship with a married person or you being married yourself and you click on images you will find three things.
1. (MOST PICTURES) are of women wearing little or nothing looking like a sex crazed whore or pictures of a woman tempting a man or vice versa.
2. A woman crying, (most likely the wife that has been betrayed which again makes me fucking crazy because they never seem to see their role in the big picture and believe me they have one).
3. porn sites.
The reason this makes me crazy is none of the pictures that come up in number one was me. EVER. I didn’t show up in a dark alley in a trench coat with nothing on under it. I didn’t PLAN to have an affair. It was never JUST about sex. The ashley madison commercials and the sexy skimpy lace nighties, and the sex and all that jazz makes me crazy. Thats not how its starts. Yeah sex is part of it… when and if you decide to cross that bridge but its laughter and talking and chatting and genuinely caring about someone because someone has forgotten to care about you anymore.
The thing is as MUCH as the commercial shocked and almost offended me, (the me that my father raised, the me the wife I’d hoped to be), the same amount of the commercial was so relatable. It made me realize thousands of men and women are unhappy JUST LIKE ME. Why don’t we end it if were so unhappy? Because lets be honest. ITS NOT THAT FUCKING BAD we are all just spoiled fucking brats that want more and want to feel good. And frankly without sounding like a spoiled brat, it felt pretty damn good to have someone adore spending time with me. It felt pretty amazing to see first hand that I could still turn someone on. It felt nice to have someone talk to you and hold your attention in a conversation. It felt nice to get messages asking how you were and if you were having a good day. And I’m not going to lie, all of the above made the sex fucking amazing. But then something happens. Not to everyone. But It did for me. I fell for HIM. I did. I fell in love with him. Someone that wasn’t mine. Someone I had no right to love? But can we control who we love? Well that ladies and gentlemen, is a whole other post. Who would have thought that one little commercial would make me struggle and relate at the same time? In my head this post was going to be a lot longer. I’d say this commercial was on at a time that your kids *COULD* have seen it… 9pm ish. Wow. Just speechless at a very real reality.
Yeah and like my husband said, this probably wouldn’t be a good commercial for HER to see. Especially as they are sitting in bed together watching TV. AHEM.