Oh its so much easier said than done…

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Some of your comments on my last post are ringing true to my recent thoughts.  I’m so ready to leave.   To the point of looking at houses and looking at my finances.  Luckily, (and I’m not bragging), I make good money.  I don’t let what I make go to my head because I understand and respect that anything can happen.  Can I afford to live on my own?  I have before, and I made at that time less.  So yes.  What is it that I am hung up on?

Hope.

The hope he will get better.

Faith.

Faith he will change.

Fear.

Oh God, am I scared to walk away.  Still see him laying in a ditch.   I’d rather live unhappy than have my kids think he died b/c I left.

And lets not lie.  When he is clean, when he is focused, he is a good man.  He is funny and kind and loving and amazing.

But the good is starting to outweigh the bad.

Being with HIM (as shitty as it sounds) helped.  Helped me feel whole. Wanted. Needed. Adored. Appreciated. Loved.  Happy.

So do know I am thinking about it.  And usually when I am thinking about something I am close to acting.

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8 thoughts on “Oh its so much easier said than done…

  1. Although I didn’t have any kids with my second husband, Mr.Crazy we did have a blended family……but when things got really bad I did have the same thoughts as you and for awhile I relied on Faith and Hope …..BUT I took those rose colored glasses off and realized that I couldn’t live this type of life, it was too “Crazy”……. yes, having to start over is always FUN (sarcasm) and I knew he had the tendency to unleash his beast, he even tried to commit suicide a few weeks after I moved out and even told him that I if he got the help he needed that “maybe” there was a chance we could reconcile……………..that was a lie, I just wanted him to get healthy……….I didn’t want his second attempt to be his last. We were just a crazy mess when we were married…it didn’t work. We saw his anger managment/marriage counselor together a couple times and it was on the last visit the counselor said “Divorce happens, it’s no ones fault”.

  2. Yes, it is hard. Very, very hard. Just know that no matte what happens to him it will not be because of you. It will be because of his addiction. And truly, as you have seen, a determined addict will use regardless of those around who love him or her.

  3. I have been thinking about this post since I first read it. Like a tickle int he back of my throat I couldn’t shake it so here are my thoughts.

    1) No one is responsible for the actions of someone else. Release yourself from the bondage of that idea.

    2) A counselor friend of mine usually asks a couple, “If your relationship is a circle inside of which, two people stand, and you can both have two feet inside the circle. Where are you in the circle? Do you have even a little toe left in? If not, it’s time to move on. If very little is in, is it worth the time and effort to get to the place where both of your feet are in?” I think this is good advice.

    3) Sometimes, enough is enough and staying is not helping, but enabling. I’m not saying that’s what you are doing, but you need to take care of your own emotional health.

    4) My last thought (at least for now) is, if you leave examine your heart and make sure you are doing it for you and not for HIM. That way, if HIM ever comes back into the relationship picture, you will be a more whole healthy person.

    Just my 2¢

    • I appreciate your 2cents. I do. And if I left, it would be for me and not HIM b/c he has his wife and family and I wouldn’t ask him or expect him to leave that. Ever. Right now my focus is my kids and myself.

  4. i just found your blog. i don’t have a “him” and never have, but i have been in a marriage where my husband has been emotionally unavailable and gone for nearly the entirety of our relatively short marriage. i welcomed him back repeatedly after he moved out repeatedly and usually tried to set boundaries and they were short lived because he just had more power and control over me than i did over myself. yes i let it happen, but it didn’t happen overnight. i tried everything. EVERYTHING. far more than most people would put up with. he had an affair and a baby was the result. i dont know if she is still pregnant but i couldn’t wait to find out. my husband was just not stepping up and doing his part to help me feel safe and loved and that he was committed. i’m sorry, but moving out, separate finances (or shall i say, he had the finances i had ‘allowances’) and what felt like WAY TOO MUCH HURT, did not add up to a committed loving relationship. i knew i had to be done. it doesn’t feel as lonely now, and i’m pretty much alone as much as i was before! there is something about feeling more lonely sitting with the man you love than physically being alone. good luck and i’ll be following your blog! 🙂 way to be brave!

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