Hateful People.

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 Those of you who follow my blog know I don’t give a rats ass what people think of me.  I don’t.  I know that I am responsible at the end of the day for my actions and my choices.  I know right from wrong and I know how the things I did affected a lot of people, (I’ve said all of this before), however what gets me is how there are these people out there that can take their day to judge others and point fingers and just be ugly and hateful.  I hate the fact that all my readers will be going to her blog to read this, giving her ‘blog hits’.  Blog hits for being hateful and mean.   She claims I only post the positive comments, which you all know isn’t true.  I’ve had people say things that weren’t positive and praising or sympathetic and I’ve posted their comments and commented back.

She is ALMOST right! There are comments I don’t post.  I don’t post hers because they TRULY,  are just THAT ugly and hateful.

The thing is, if you don’t like what I do, what I blog about or HOW I blog, then don’t fucking read it.

Piss off.

Her post 

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34 thoughts on “Hateful People.

  1. i don’t think anyone wakes up one morning and decides…hey i am going to have an affair. at least that’s not the way my life works. i never ever ever imagined myself in the throws of an affair…but i ended up there. people can scoff and bitch all they want about what a horrible person you are. i probably would have done the same thing years ago. don’t ever let her bring you down.

    • It didn’t bring me down. It just makes me crazy that people can point fingers as if they are perfect. I, (like you), never, ever thought I’d be THAT woman. I was shocked and appalled at women who made THIS choice… until I put on the shoes and walked for a bit. It somehow just starts and kind of takes over. Wrong? Yes. But right or wrong we are human, and have feelings. I never claimed to be perfect. I never calmed my actions were okay. I never claimed anything. I just told my story. Am I seeing him now? No. Do I miss him? Of course. He was someone. Someone in my life. Someone special to me. Someone I’ll never forget regardless of his marital status.

    • The only thing I noticed about her blog, and I might be wrong b/c I didn’t read ALL her posts, (and knowing her she’ll call me out on the ONE I missed), but she doesn’t have any followers or likes on any posts… ?? Or maybe I’m just not seeing them. I don’t know. I just think SOME of the things she said was true, but for the most part she seems pretty good about pointing her finger.

      • I read quite a few of them and she’s got the occasional ‘like’, but not many. I sense that she’s not being entirely honest about her reasons for churning out the same repetitive bile in every blog…

        Of course, she does make some valid points – as an OW myself, it’s hard to disagree with some of what she says. That said, if she truly believes that love cannot be a possibility within an affair, she really ought to take her blinkers off and start looking at the bigger picture.

        I suspect she doesn’t want to explore that avenue though, as it would mean her facing up to a few uncomfortable truths that probably lay within her own marriage.

      • Some of what she said was true. I do say truly too much. ;0) okay okay, some of what she said was very true. I was dealt a shitty hand in my marriage. I shouldn’t have had an affair. But I did. I agree with all of your comment! Thank you for reading!

  2. It is more and more surprising to me when I meet someone who has a pretty face and is pleasant and genuine. Our world is becoming more concerned about “me” than anyone else. How do you stop this? Focus on the things that you normally blog about and not be influenced by “Ugly Hearts”. Your heart is full of good. Not sure what you look like, but I am sure that your “Pretty Face” glows with warmth and inspiration.

    Thank you.

  3. I know she won’t share what I sent her, so I will share it here:

    I’d like to know what makes you so perfect that you can critique and criticize other people? Never judge another until you yourself are perfect. You will never be perfect, no human ever will be. One day someone is going to point out all your flaws and imperfections and it will hurt you like you hurt others, but that day isn’t today because I refuse to be a bully.

    “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.”
    -Eleanor Roosevelt

  4. She’s a bitter, mean-spirited jerk that probably got cheated on, and instead of looking in the mirror and evaluating her own role in a crummy marriage, she blames others. And you are a convenient target because you dare to blog your true feelings, as complex as they are. I get some nastiness too. I ignore it. It goes with the territory.

    • I knew you’d understand, and I knew you would reply, and I knew your suggestion/opinion would be simple and real. I appreciate you and where you have been and the understanding you hold. I always have. Thank you! xoxo

      • I doubt anyone reads her blog. As I said, she clearly has mental issues she needs to deal with. Lashing out at strangers won’t ‘cure’ anything.

        I don’t always agree with you or what you write. You know that. But I think you’re courageous for WRITING. It’s raw. It’s real. It’s controversial at times. But it’s you.

      • yep, its me. I have never said I was perfect. I never said I was in a butterfly and rainbow place, (or whatever she said), I don’t feel my situation is anywhere near that. I do think my situation was hard. I do think I will never make a ‘mistake’ like that again. I do think I realized how many people it hurt. I do realize the hardest thing in the world is to love something you can’t have. I do realize not everyone will understand my choices. However, I do realize people who have needs not being met will make choices, (sometimes bad) to make up for those needs not being met. This is fact. you can state, and I can state and everyone that has had an affair can state, they did what they did not to just go out and do it… (well maybe some people are THAT mean) but most people, 1. Didn’t fully intend for an affair to ‘start’, and 99 percent of those people had needs not being fulfilled. Maybe sexually, for me emotionally but either way all parties involved even the spouse that didn’t have the affair, had a part in it. Sadly. Most won’t admit that, and I’m not saying that b/c I’m the OW. I’m saying that b/c if all my needs were being met by my husband I would have never done what I did. I know this for a fact. The time that pasted being unhappy outweighed the choices I was making to smile again. In the end when you step back and look it, it seems crazy but at the time it made perfect sense and I didn’t care about my choices. My heart was loving someone that was loving me back. Messed up? Yeah. Regretful? Oddly, not really. Does that make me a selfish bitch? Maybe. But what happened, happened. End of story. I can’t go back and change it, If I could I truly don’t think I would… minus leaving out the wife/kids etc. That seems to be my only true regret.

      • Yes, I too am astonished at the blogs by all these Betrayeds that, if you listen to them, are the absolute perfect spouse and blame anyone and everyone for their predicament. Except themselves. Fast to point the finger at others (including people like you and I), but slow to take responsibilities for themselves, their actions and their words.

      • I’ve read a few blogs by betrayed spouses, tho not the one that you’re referring to; the hatred & vitriol can be stunning (not to mention the poor grammar). His wife has a blog about becoming an author – I’ve only read it once & she’s busy putting best face forward. Last I checked, she doesn’t discuss our affair at all – she wants to pretend – publicly, at least – that it never happened. Which, if I’m honest, makes this easier for me. I just cannot fathom why people would invest the energy in writing & use it to just fuel their own hatred & anger. “Holding on to hatred is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”. ~ Buddha Thanks for your blog; you’re writing is exquisite – it’s evocative & reaches your readers. Fantastic work!

  5. I`m sure she won`t post my response either….here`s what I said….

    “Then why do you read her blog? Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but everyone is also entitled to blog or talk or write or think about whatever they desire. It`s a small perk living in this free country of ours. If you don`t like what someone has to say, you are free to move on. That`s the essence of freedom of speech.

    Don`t rant about what goes on in someone else`s life. You don`t make their choices. They don`t make your choices. You don`t know everything about her. No one does. You can`t even pretend to know the full extent of what has happened in her life. She blogs about certain moments in time that mean a lot to her. It`s not a reality show that follows every minute of her life. She writes to remember, she writes to sort out her thoughts, she writes to help it all make sense. Who is anyone to judge… Unless you`re perfect, which i`m sure you`re not…keeping your mouth shut is always the best option. Your mother was NOT wrong when she tried to teach you that if you don`t have anything nice to say, don`t say anything at all. Now let`s see if you`ll chose to post MY comment.“

    Stay strong, keep writing, don`t listen to the insecurities of others. You`re always going to do what`s best for you, what`s best for your kids, what`s best for your heart.

  6. I started to reply on her blog but since I didn’t have anything nice to say, I found it best to just let her stew in her own shit. She’s not worth all the drama.
    Besides, what’s wrong with rainbows, sunshine and unicorns? lol

  7. Being Her, and Recovering WS, I would just like to say, thank you so very much for expressing yourselves in such a real, down to the bones sorta way. I am a Recovering Betrayed Spouse, and have been through hell obviously. Although I do not agree with what you both have done, There have been times before my dicovery when I just wanted to walk, and plenty more since then, and times long, long ago where I have even pictured myself cheating because I felt unloved, I am thankful that It never happened.

    Each day is a huge struggle as you both know from personal experience, and I have had recent thoughts of cheating on him, not to revenge cheat, but out of pure confusion as to where my life is now and where it is going. I am experiencing a pure wonder and curiosity of the intense high you both as well as my husband have expressed but I don’t want to go there. You both writing and posting the things you have, have not only helped keep me on the (right track) but have also really helped me with my recovery and understanding of things that were going on in his mind when he did it. I obviously felt completely unloved when it all first came out but I can see where our problems were, and what part I played, though I do wish he had come to me with his feelings…ours was a case of not wanting to hurt the other, I am starting to understand, and I am also hoping, however, I still have my doubts here and there.

    But I wanted to say thank you both for being real, without reading your blogs, I’m not sure I’d be as far into my recovery as I am, and I don’tt think I would have believed him when he sId he loved me through it all. Thanks so very much.

    • Thank you so much for reading. I don’t know how but I am glad that in some way I do help someone understand, relate, make sense or just know why. I don’t suggest anyone go out and have an affair, however if they do, I’m not about to ever judge again, (in the past prior to mine I may have), because I have been there and done that now and its always complicated. Kudos to you for being strong and not giving in to what you want to do. I didn’t have that strength. And I’m sure your partner loves you. I’ve never stopped loving my husband, I just didn’t feel loved, wanted, needed, desired, cared about, or more important than his next high. Sadly.

  8. I read part of what she wrote….only part because she has never felt neglected, taken for granted, set aside. She has never begged her significant other for a touch, a kiss, a hug, sex. She has never wanted for the tenderness of a hand to hold, a heart that skips a beat, a pair of lips to whisper her name, a set of eyes locked into hers and holding within them your breath. How lucky for her to always have her needs met before his. In my opinion this person pretends to lead a perfect life- some of us on the other hand lead a glass life. Cold, alone and longing for someone to look inside. We hope that someone is the person we chose to live the rest of our lives with- in many circumstances, including mine, it’s not.

    • until you’ve walked a mile in someone else’s shoes right? She said I don’t post all comments… so far I’ve posted every single one…. nothing to hateful or negative… and if there were those, I’d post them, I just don’t agree with being brutally mean.

      • You help by being real. Through you, I see both sides, the scared for your marriage side, and the anger toward your marriage side. I see a WS can have an affair without wanting to deliberately hurt or betray their spouse and family, and at the same time feel a strong need to feel loved by somebody, anybody. And by reading other’s posts I can also see that not all cheaters are in love with whom they cheat, but they’re needs weren’t being completely met for whatever reason, in whatever area. I don’t agree, but I can understand it better now.

  9. When people are judgemental it just means to me that they are miserable in their own personal life and always willing to point fingers. You are amazing woman to be able to express yourself as you do. I might not answer many blogs because I dont have time to read all of them. However, yourses is one that I could relate too and totally understand it. Dont let others stop you from writing was is the truth about yourself because you do inspire others.

  10. I agree 100% with the “hateful person’s” post. You are the epitome of “trash”. No wonder your husband abuses pain killers! You have no shame, you care of no one but yourself and then blog about it as if it were something to be proud of. You say you don’t give a rat’s ass about what others think but obviously you do because you blog! That is the whole point of it, to express your thoughts and receive feed back from your posts. So here goes some feedback, take it or leave it but read it! You SUCK as a human being, as a mother, and as a woman. I have stepped in dog shit that I liked better than you! You are every evil villain from every movie, story and song all rolled into one. Yes, I did take the time to reply and such a hateful reply it is. Why did I take the time to reply? Because someone has to tell you what a shit of a person you are so hopefully you will see the light and change before it’s too late. Let’s just say this is my way of helping mankind.

    You need help or euthanization if you can’t be helped!

    Kim Vincent – look me up!

  11. An ugly heart? … yes indeed.
    Seems bizarre to be commenting on this post 2 years down the track, but I am floored at the remarks of THAT blogger. She “truly” has a dark soul.
    I am 4 years into being the OW. I started blogging but most attempts to post result in me ending up a blithering mess, unable to write what my heart feels.
    For now I content myself with reading your blog … it helps. Sadly it also terrifies me.

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