I only have a second and I was thinking….

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Sex.

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Making Love.

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Fucking.

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They are all different.  Right?   For example, (I’d like to know what HE thinks but),  I feel like fucking is one of two things.  Rough sex or quick.  With or without feelings attached.  I think sex is just sex… no strings…. no feelings.  Maybe at the start of an affair for some.  Some of my readers say flat out- “they had an affair because they were missing SEX.  No drama, no relationship, no feelings, just sex”.   And then there is making love.  The complicated one.   When do you go from sex to making love?  I can say with HIM we had sex, (when we were learning about each other), it at first was awkward, maybe because of the situation.  And I think I’d say we have fucked…. (I don’t mean that to sound so dirty), but we met to do that… quickies and seriously relieved some sexual frustration…. but as far as making love I find myself thinking. Wow.  I think men and women define this differently. Yes us women are all romantic and sappy and say oh the music was right or he was amazing and it was slow…  but what if it is more detailed?  What if at a moment it hits you.  That you want nothing more to be with this man that is with you right now.  A moment when you realize you have never felt an orgasm like that or felt goosebumps cover you when you felt overheated?  What about when you lose control of every one of your senses.  You forget where you are and the ringing in your ears is deafening? Is making love losing sense of time, surroundings, and of the real life situation you are sitting in?  All I know is when HE touched me, just a touch goosebumps could fly down my sides and erect my nipples.  One kiss and I was seriously dizzy.   I can say I never felt those things even with my husband in the very beginning when things were good.  Never have I been aroused so quickly or so much by anyone.

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17 thoughts on “I only have a second and I was thinking….

  1. I agree that they are three different things. I also think that when you are in love or have insane feelings towards someone, you can do all three of them and still they are powerful and mean something. Right now, I’m going through the whole “One kiss and I’m dizzy” thing… and I don’t think it is something that would ever fade away.

  2. No one has an affair because they have no sex or because their marriage is bad or because their spouse is this or that. They only ever have affairs for one reason: they feel entitled to, and rationalise it somehow to themselves. The entitlement is always the reason it is just the excuse that changes. None of the excuses work. There’s no such thing as a good excuse. Because you always had the other option- telling the truth and leaving. The only reason that doesn’t happen is entitlement (on a foundation of poor values and character flaw).

    • oh, okay. I will post and respect your opinion, however, you are mistaken, and I and several other bloggers will call you out on it… even the bloggers I know and follow that were ‘cheated on’ eventually saw their role. I’m not saying it is the right way of handling things, I’m just saying *most* affairs are started because needs of some kind, (many different kinds) are not being met. Be careful judging.

      • You’re missing the point. There’s many excuses, I agree. But underneath they all boil down to the same thing. That’s because in the end, cheating is always cheating and always wrong. It’s not rocket science. Right vs wrong never is. And everyone who says- oh but it’s more complicated- or worse says that it’s partly my fault (because I am too simplistic) is missing the point.

        Again: it’s always wrong, and underneath it always comes down to a sense of entitlement. Just like most wrongdoing. Why do people commit crime? Why do people steal and kill? Yes, many many different excuses- but underneath always because at the time they felt entitled to.

    • Wow I couldn’t disagree more, Nephila. I certainly didn’t feel entitled. It was absolutely about what I was missing, what my ex told me he didn’t care if I did, and how a third party made me feel. Until you’ve been in the proverbial bedroom of a relationship, you shouldn’t judge what you see on the outside.

      • It wasn’t entitlement and I haven’t proven anything in a matter of a few sentences. You are suggesting that those who are in these situations feel that it’s a right to do so. It wasn’t my right. It was my choice and I take full responsibility for my choices – I can’t control anyone else’s behaviour but I can control my own. Nevermind that it was with my husbands permission at the time. Again, don’t be so quick to judge others.

  3. So….let me get this straight. You say that a quickie equates to fucking? I think I figured out why my wife is always saying I never make love to her…damnit!

    And one other thing – men always see love making as a blowjob followed by a steak dinner. Just kidding 😛

    Anyways, sexual things are always complex. I think there is somethign about raw, uninhibited passion that takes over like nothing else, but this is primal and sometimes our primal nature is not a good thing (keeping in mind that the 2 primal urges of humanity are sex and violence), so sometimes it is important to keep it at bay. But every once in a while, it is nice to let the beast out of the cage and attack with fury, don’t you think?

    Also, I think many women (and this is solely an opinion and nothing I have any factual knowledge about) look for both the fucking and the love making in a relationship, because they are well aware of their emotional connections to sex. Men on the other hand, have a bit of a different nature about sex and their emotions. Typically I think men are so afraid of their emotional nature, that they equate fucking and love making as being the same thing. We tend to not fully understand why something excite us, whereas, I think women typically know the EXACT reason something excites them. I think it’s part of the reason they understand the little nuances that they are attracted to…for women, they know when they need the quickie and when they need the love-making. For men, it’s always about the climax and for women it can be either about the climax, or the many, many leads up to the climax or it can be about the entire relationship that makes the sex good.

  4. “With or without feelings attached” Huh! Hey, come on, of course I have feelings. My feeling is that I want to have sex/make love/quickie/longie/in betweenie…now..PLEASE! Pretty much how guys view it.

    After 25 years of marriage, I’m starting to understand that its a bit more complex than that in the mind of a female. And, I’m trying hard to put myself in her shoes. Those feelings she has are all about what happens prior to jumping in bed (again…huh!) and is there a feeling of being close and connected. If “yes” green light. If “no” than red-light. WTF? Does it have to be that complicated? Yep, guess it does.

  5. Nothing as amazing as being with someone that you can lose yourself with. It is surreal to me anytime it occurs, I have belief that the man that does that to me, is my soul mate. Yet in this human experience our paths are meant to merely cross and not fully align. I hope everyone gets the chance to experience the pure release and freedom felt when connecting with someone that can take them to that special place. At that level, in that spot, I am not sure I can define the sex because it is almost soul melding and the physical is just the attempt to get as close as possible.

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